2nd
episode, 2nd episode,
Took me forever to
finish this blog, I was too busy sitting back eating bon bons and shutting down
the government. John Beohner, ever since you came around it’s obvious you shut
that thang down. You shut it down. You shut it down. Etc. I also am writing
this on an Amtrak train and I can’t open Youtube so no links this week!
EVERYONE CAN SUCK IT.
So anyways, Glee
Season 5, episode 2. Ry Murph Loves de Beatles
so we got more beatles! And if there’s
more less stuff then you might want to have some more and your parents just
don’t let you because theres only a little.
Anyway, we want more
we want more because we really like it we want more BEATLES and in their
experimental years. Mr. Shue says
not to be afraid of failure! So we will go forth, fearless.
Since it is April or
May, (it is not) we are having a prom
episode! Glee has no rules, and just does whatever they want whenever they
want. As in the past, somehow Glee Club members are on the prom court. Prom
King nominees are Blaine, Artie, some kid named Muhammed, which is the most
commonly used name on Earth. Read a fucking book for once, and my main man Stoner Brett. The fact that
Blaine wasn’t all 4 nominees is despicable and undermining.
The Queen nominees were Kitty Kat, who is a
sophomore and Tina Cohen Chang who is just herself. And some others, but most
importantly deez 2 bishes and Tina now has her chance to be bigger than Jesus.
Upon the announcement of prom nominees, Tina promptly dumps Sam as her date,
who so mercifully agreed to go with her last week. Like the dumb ho that she
is. Just smh.
Anyway, so we were
introduced to Bre, or Bri, or Brie,
or Bree, can’t decide, last week, and this week she is back up in the building
to make sure that a Cheerio wins the crown in 2013. Let us all remember that
the last 2 prom queens have been non-cheerio Glee Club members, and one was
Jewish (Rachel, but she didn’t really win) and one was a guy.
SPOILER ALERT: Bre is
the best- I loved her little rant against Kitty and she seems to be pure evil
and I’M SMILING BECAUSE I LOVE IT. She yells at Kitty for not campaigning and
then puts up posters everywhere with Kitty’s head on Olivia Munn’s body. When I
ran for homecoming queen some of my friends made posters for me and put them up
but then I LOST but we are all losers so I guess sometimes it be’s like that.
Hahah. In the meantime, Tina and her lacky campaign on the following platform:
“Don't be racist, vote for Tina. If you don't vote for Tina you are racist.”
THE RACE IS ON!
NEW YORK CITY UPDATE:
Santana and Rache are still working at the restaurant when they
where costumes and sing and dance, and Santana has her eyes on Dani/Demi Lovato. And Kurt got a job
there too.
**Congrats Naya on
your engagement and Drake song shout out! Way to go girl! **
Anyway, so Dantanya
flirt, and Santana is scared because she has never dated a FULL ON LESBIAN,
only half lesbos like her once true love Brittany S. Pierce. The mention of
Brittany made me blink 5 times in a row. Demi and Santana are the cutest little
couple ever, they sing “Here Comes the Sun” AS THE SUN COMES UP I mean you
can’t take a Beatles song any more literally than that. ADORABLE.
In case you forgot,
Kurt, Santana and Rachel are in New York trying to make it in the biz of show. Last
week Rachel assumed that she wasn’t going to get the Funny Girl role, and this
week she was knocked down to an even lower peg of loserdom when she found out
that Santana got her first commercial deal.
OK that yeast commercial was quite possibly the
best thing that has Glee has ever come up with. Hooray for comedy. @so_grool,
go watch it now.
So Rachel tries not
to be bitter about her friend’s successful yeast commercial, and while
volunteering for the annual piano tuning workshop (???) Kurt gives her a pep
talk and they sing and dance around to a Beatles song that I have never heard
and never want to hear again. Sounds like something I made up when I was in my
childhood singing group Caution. (See our Wikipedia page for hits like “Nature”
and “Listen to the Music” @so_grool) On the bright side, Rachel looks flawless,
and decides that she should no longer be afraid of failure (TYING INTO MR.
SHUE’S LESSON OF THE WEEK OH MY STARS) and so she starts auditioning for
everything.
Rachel, Kurt and
Santana make a 2 year pledge/pinky swear to stay in New York and give it their
all, and then their co-worker Gunther, who is probably the son of Gunther from
Friends, points Rachel to a very hungry customer who wants an entire cake to
himself. So apparently this restaurant makes personalized cakes, I mean this
place has it all! Can I get a trouty mouth stripper to come out of a cake while
singing and dancing? It’s the casting director, and he tells Rachel she got the
part! Great reactions all around and we are so happy! Ummmmm that shit is about
to be buzz killed next week and you all know it.
Back to Ohio, Sue is still principal of McKinley and
has decided that because of the school’s abysmal attendance records, all of the
students should get vaccinations. Am I remembering that right? Because that
makes little sense. Sue also brings up the very valid point that Glee Clubbers
come and go as they please and have horrible school attendance and that she is
suspicious that Artie may have polio…
Anyway, Sam is selected to go to the school
nurse first, merely because he was standing with Mr. Shue at the time of Sue’s
tirade, and also because he used to be homeless so Sue thinks he is diseased.
If having bad bitch was a crime he’d be arrested. So he goes to see the new
school nurse, who is this college sophomore nurse-in-training named Penny Owen.
Sam falls in love with her (BYE BRITTANY) and thinks of every excuse in the
book to go see her, including biting his own arm hahahah, going to a special
HEMLOCK maneuver class, and trying out his new Denzel impression (which was
flawless). Gosh I love Sam. Other things happen with the nurse almost getting
fired but really, who cares? It’s time for Prom!
Spring/Fall prom opens up with a bunch of fools on
the stage dancing around in some horrible head-to-toe Satin outfits. (Marley,
Unique, Jake, Ryder etc singing St. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts) In a shocking turn
of events, Tina struts in looking fierce as shit with her gaggle of bitches
following behind. The freakshows on stage continue to perform, and I must say
Marley is working it out, but more importantly I NEED JAKE MARLEY AND RYDER TO
GET SOME MORE ATTENTION!! I guess they will when others graduate.
And after a few
moments it is already time to announce the new PROM KING AND QUEEN! Enter Sue,
with one of her best rants in a while, highlights below:
1. Didn’t think it’s
possible, you've made me hate the Beatles
2. Your lives are so
insignificant that you think something like this (prom queen) matters
All the while Bre is
looking at Tina’s lil assistant (forgot her name, let’s call her Ruby) because
she convinced her to do something evil. And the Prom Queen is….Tina Cohen
Chang! Glee Club is 3 for 3 y'all! Prom queen dynasty!!!! Cue the slow motion
acceptance, as Ruby is about to reign down terror onto Tina and Kitty is like
nooooooooo and bucket of what looks like BLOOD pours all over Tina. Pure terror
and disgust, I think it was supposed to be Red Slushie but it looks like they
were trying to recreate the movie Carrie which I have never seen but I get the
reference. The entire sequence was insane and there was a lot of Bre standing
there looking FIERCE laughing in slow motion. Glee really did the impossible by
making me feel sorry for Tina…
Like with Kurt’s
coronation 2 seasons ago, Tina runs out of the auditorium humiliated, and the
entire Glee Club runs in slow motion after her into the choir room. Being the
beautiful people they are, they sing Hey Jude as she gets cleaned up and she rocks
Kitty’s dress even better than Kitty did. My world has turned upside down, I am
complimenting Tina. Take a sad song and make it better! And I’m crying.
YES TINA. She BETTER
WORK. She looked stunning. Congrats. Now get out of my life.
In the last few
seconds of the episode, Coach Roz and Bre are in Sue’s office so that Bre can
be punished for blood dumping on Tina.
However Sue though
the prank was hilarious and top notch, so she rewards Bre by making her captain
of the Cheerios and buying he a Le Car. In her words, “Glee Club needs an enemy
to win Nationals” and sorry I had to write down this whole quote, “I once sang
on stage with them in plaid pajamas and now I don't think they found me quite
so scary.” So the Glee Club has a new anemone. End scene.
Overall grade for the Episode: A++ THE WRITING WAS AMAZING, great jokes,
just all around perfect episode.
Favorite Performance of the Episode: Hey Jude. Performed by the New Directions.
YES BLAINE. Crushing it.
Least Favorite Performance of the Episode: Get back performed by Kurt and Rachel. Get
back is right.
Favorite Moment of the Episode: Tina got cut OFF from singing her Beatles
song hahahahaha. YA CUT OFF
Least Favorite Moment of the Episode: Underage drinking is very bad… but I gotta
fake id though. Just rambling, I liked the whole thing.
Next Week’s Episode: Finn tribute. Need I say more? Will probably not write a blog… because I
don’t want to. I just want to cry and throw a tantrum.
Other thoughts:
-“I don’t give a
flying fart” BRE IS MY NEW FAVORITE CHARACTER
-Clearly the nurse
was all about Sam’s gooey gooey.
-“I bust moves
literally” = best pickup line ever
-Stoner brett
deserved to win King let’s be honest.
-This school is due
for a normal prom queen announcement. There’s no way Unique doesn’t win next
year
-Kitty brought a back
up lounge outfit to prom- after prom outfit I'm sure. Going to the Y for fun
and games
- Sue’s analysis of
the Glee club’s Nationals preparation: “in the middle of the inevitable journey
song they will sing at nationals after deciding on it at the very last moment”
-Emma hasn’t made an
appearance
-Guessing my girl
Sugar Motta is owt.
-Wonder how long
Ryder and Marley in real life will be engaged? Guess whose it is… guess whose
it is… it’s yourrrrss Ryyydeeeer (remix)
-I’m guessing they
will not be able to do a prom episode in the spring… toooooo many prommmmmz
-I wonder if anyone
tried to spike the punch? #thoughtsofatruepsycho
