I Put a Bird in My Hair: Extreme Home F***over, Glee Edition

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Ladies and gentlemen, what you have just witnessed is what we in the blogging biz like to refer to as a "transition episode." No... just made that up, but it was a transition episode nonetheless- a filler to help us get over our hangover from last week's trainwreck of an episode about trainwrecks, and onto next week's "best episode ever done" (Murphy R., Twitter, 2012). So with all of our expectations lowered, let's embrace debate shall we? Who doesn't love a good makeover episode!?!?! And you get a makeover! And you get a makeover! All of my good days outweigh my bad days so I won't complain.

Where to begin? Fun and hilarious McKinley High or dark and adult New York?

Will and Grace are still adjusting to life in the city that never stops delivering pizza. Kurt seems to be killing it- and although he would never get that internship in real life, he has a wicked awesome boss/new BFF named Carrie Bradshaw, who has given up her life as a writer to work at Vogue.com. The bad news is, Kurt's new life as an intern who wears animal tails clipped to his belt loop is leaving his long-distance Blaine feeling sad and blue. But no time for relationships! We must makeover Rachel, because her clothes are holding her back apparently. Let's summarize:

Mean Girls: Omg Rachel, your leotard is like totally wack.

Rachel: Why is everyone always picking on me?I just want to fit in! (be a slut)

Devil on Rachel's Shoulder aka Kurt: Gurrrrrlll bye you better drop it like it's hot twerk stop and show some shoulder!

Carrie Bradshaw: Women come to New York for the two L's: Labels and Love

Rachel: Freakum freakum

Brody: Bow chicka wow wow

Charlotte York: I curse the day you were born!

Woops got a little off track.. but that basically touches all the main points.

Here is my issue with this makeover scenario. Number one, Rachel Berry is now just Lea Michele... you can't just play yourself on T.V! Unless you're Ray Romano or sumn. Also, just like Lindsay Lohan, Miley Cyrus and Shia Labeauf, Rachel Berry is abandoning her adorable, spunky awesomeness in exchange for a "cooler" persona. If the Disney stars I just mentioned have taught us anything, it's that becoming obsessed with your looks and hip personality turn you into psychotic, frowning in red-carpet photos, pixie haired, Kardashian robot, anorexic weirdo! Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I really hope that Rachel can find a happy medium between her schoolgirl awesomeness and this whisper talk/giggly fake hair slut. Be more like Taylor Swift, Rachel! And then you can tell Finn that you are never ever ever ever EVER EVER getting back together LIKE EVER. and that would make so much more sense... everyone knows that that Selena Gomez and Kim Kardash are needy and co-dependent so it just doesn't work with the storyline. Bottom line be yourself, be yourself, be yourself in every way.

Oh and she kissed Brody (get it girl) ... and Finn popped up (buzzkill). What will happen next?

Back on the farm... Blaine decided to become a superhero sidekick and teen wizard. Ten points for Gryffindor! (Right? Blaine would totally be in Gryffindor and Artie would be in Ravenclaw.) To help keep his mind off missing Kurt and their skype popcorn-eating sessions, Blaine challenged Brittany for Senior Class president, now let the antics begins! Brittany chose ex-boyfriend Artie as her VP, which is fine because she forgot that they dated, and he balanced out her ideas about school during summer and weekends. Blaine was kind of forced to take on Sam as his running mate, which turned out for the best because Sam's stripper dance to Party Rock Anthem once again proved irresistible and they WON! And hair gel lives! And even more important than winning, Sam and Blaine (Blam) found each other, and we were dressed from head to toe in love... the only label that never goes out of style. awwwww.

Oh and Brittany and Sam seem to have something in the works... so much to explore.

One subplot of this episode that noone probably cares about is Mr. Shue once again proving that it is never late to change careers. He is uninspired now that they won Nationals, and wants to become a crusader for the arts. Blah blah blah.  I loved this storyline because it allowed Glee to make fun of the ridiculousness that it allows everytime they compete. (Vintage/Anthem themes, allowing New Directions to sing more songs than other show choirs, Shuester has been out of ideas since Madonna week, etc.)

Overall Grade for this week's episode: A-

This week we moved from a 90% song/10% dialogue gleepisode to a mere 3 songs (I don't really count that SJP one or the Brittany/Sam one as a full song, so they only get half credit). I loved the humor and spotlight on Blaine and Sam!

Favorite Performance of the episode: Everybody wants to rule the world performed by Blaine. I mean there were only 3 to choose from but this was still good fsho.

Least Favorite Performance of the episode: Brittany and Sam. Brittany must you ruin every song with your talking with a tune and no makeup?

Favorite Moment of the Episode: Tie between"You know them as the Pimp and the Gimp" and when Becky refused to play the bells. Love it when glee remembers that this is a comedy!

Least Favorite Moment of the Episode: Rachel anywhere near a dance studio.

Glist (Week 3)
1. Blaine
2. Sam
3. Artie
4. Brody
5. Sugar - finally came to her senses and wants to date Artie!
6. Becky - Killed it with the PA announcement and stare down
7. Carrie Bradshaw- you are always fabulous beyond belief
8. Sue- the bitch is back
9. Rachel-  Sexy and Flirty Rachel is beyond annoying but I still love her

10. Kurt- I almost bumped you off but then I remembered that career comes first so I forgive. 

Other random thoughts:

-Rachel's laugh is SOOOOOOOO annoying

-Sue's debate performance was perfection

-Brittany looks a mess all the time...
-Blaine is perfect in every way, he best call Sebastian up
-I have been wondering if Blaine was gonna go back to Dalton- I wouldn't hate it

-Return of deaf guy helped me put together the nagging feeling of not being able to place him during the Glee Project finale!

Next Week's Episode:

Ryan Murphy better not disappoint. Rooting for all of these couples to break up except Wemma. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XA1a5KUB3w

Poop they did it again... don't hit me any more times

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Lawd this episode. Well the good news is...Glee Season 4, like Brittany S. Pierce and Britney Spears has hit rock bottom. So there's nowhere to go but up. You hit your bottom, Glee.

Ok, let's just get it all out there. And I say this out of love. People need to stop trying to make fetch happen. And by fetch I mean Britney Spears post-Toxic. She can't and could never sing, and although YES she changed my life and YES I know all the choreography to her various videos and live performances, all that's left of her is a slightly chunky, talent-less, bleached out and autotuned robot. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE BRITNEY I will jam out to Piece of Me while I'm getting ready and watch the Xfactor just to support, but that doesn't mean I'm trying to hear any of those later songs covered on Glee. But alas, this is what happened, and I am forced to try to take this episode seriously even though WE ALL KNOW this is just Ryan Murphy's way of re-living his home video Britney Spears productions. (We all have them.)

That being said, I love Ryan Murphy, and I do love Britney Spears despite the undeserved idol worship in the Glee Club, so I have braced myself for the inevitable hour-long tribute, part deux, in which we were taken through...DUN DUN DUN...

THE EVOLUTION OF BRITNEY SPEARS

We begin with Teeny Bopper Brit, who in this episode was portrayed by the closest thing Glee Season 4 can get to a Catholic School girl with a crush:  Marley. This good girl with a heart of gold comes complete with an "I love my mom" white board in her locker. WHAT. I say again, WHAT. I love my mom as much as the next girl but surrously? Marley is so boring I can't take it, and SURPRISE SURPRISE she has a crush on baby Puckerman whose name is escaping me right now. She decides he is cute, and then all of a sudden and despite warnings from the 40 Year Old Version of Unique, she is DRIVEN CRAZY by him. (That duet was Prettay kewl though) Girls are so stupid. Was this episode supposed to make me root for Marley and Baby Puck? Cuz I'm all about Kitty, at least she has some spice in her life. Marley was so hurt by Puckito's diss that she fast-forwarded all the way to crazed/suicidal Brit by the end of the episode. After Marley's somewhat loveable debut, how is it possible that I'm already over her character?? And I ain't cool with Marley getting the last song all the time. Moving on.

Next, we travel to NYADA for the Not that Innocent Britney, portrayed by everyone's favorite gold star Rachel Berry. This Britney phase is my personal fave, you know when she started doing scandalous performances and danced with snakes to show that she wasn't a boring virgin anymore. In the Glee World, Rachel attempted to draw comparisons to this coming-into-her-own, fierce, dancing Britney-esque girl, pretty unsuccessfully. Um Rachel still can't dance and the Glee writers need to accept that. Whatever. So Kate Hudson is even more of a raging lunatic that we thought- less because of her cell phone rant and more because she is teaching the tango in class. I still don't get what kind of dance class this is! She made Rachel sit out because she wasn't sexy enough, but Rachel was like nuh uh honey boo boo child! And did the most awkward and all over the place sex dance. Gwoss, I hate when dances simulate sex.

-->Perfect example. Kate Hudson still thinks RB is destined to perform the role of Shrek on Broadway, but at least things are going well with Brody Jenner and Kurt, now let's see how long it will take for her to CRACK. again again say crack again!

Which brings us to the Britney version that got the most shine and high praise this episode, Gross Sister Britney/Post- Popozao Britney. Brittany S. Pierce's flawless 2nd senior year hit a wall when she received an F- on a test, got kicked off the Cheerios, and got fuckin Federlined by Santana. (Nooo he made her break up with herself!) First thought- this isn't the first time Brittany has been without her high pony and Cheerios uniforms; she was wearing wack stuff all season 2. So why is she dressing like a homeless person this time around? Anyway, in order to get herself out of her doldrums, Brit decided to get to borderline psychopathic Britney in order to stage a comeback. Riiiiight. This all culminated is the EQUIVALENT OF SHOW CHOIR BLOOD DOPING... LIP SYNCING FOR YOUR LIFE. I will say, the Gimme More outfit and greasy middle part were spot on during the Pep Assembly. But really, what a waste. I love a good Glee Club Pep Assembly performance and that was a hot mess. In a puzzling twist, Sam Trouty Mouth Evans was the one to help Brittany get back on track? Glee's logic this episode is just beyond words.

So what have we learned from this episode? Ryan Murphy loves Britney Spears enough to sabotage his own show, Rachel Berry will never be sexy, and hitting rock bottom ain't always the way, people.

Overall grade for the episode. B-. If I didn't love glee so much i would give it an F minus. This is a high stakes season! We can't just be throwing away episodes. Glad we got this over with early in the year, though.

Favorite Performance of the Episode: Shocking myself by saying this, but Three performed by Tina Cohen Chang, Teen Jesus and Trouty Mouth. Sounded good, and Boyfriend/Boyfriend was great but Blaine and Artie did not look like they were feeling themselves as much as usual. Prob because they realized this episode sucked.

Least Favorite Performance of the Episode: Womanizer performed by Unique, Marley and Tina. This song has always annoyed me, and the gym class hot mess dancing didn't make it any better.

Favorite moment of the Episode 

Trouty Mouth opening his big Gigantic mouth in a welcoming gesture to homeboy. 

Least Favorite Moment of the Episode

Britney eating cheetos and drinking orange soda whilst performing. No clahss.  

Glist- Week 2

1. Brody - another successful week of being awesome.

2. Blaine - ditto on the me side.

3. Sam - Trouty mouth, trouthy mouth, what are they feeding you

4. Kitty- Got the Top Bitch spot and the Hot BF. Dare I say it? Winning!

5. Tina-  I see you getting your flirt on.

6. Kurt - God love ya.

7. Finn-  At least he is doing something with his life and not annoying me this week with Britney Spears songs.

8. Artie- you must save the club young padawan.

9. Piano guy-  Talk about a comeback 

10. Puck - you still can't act so good. But the gasp I let out when I say your face woke my neighbors up I'm sure. 

Random Thoughts:

-Ryan Murphy, Stop leaving Sugar Motta out of episodes. Don't be cheap-  pay her to sit in the background. 

-Leave Britney alone!

-Jacob's Bin Israel is just doing his job people! Don't hate the player hate the game. The game is the game.

-Glad Puck is doing so well that he can just fly back to Ohio for a 5 minute conversation with his half-brother who he just found out about. That was so lame.

-What up Emma!

Next week's episode. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojheBP6CTS8

I'm so confused about how predictable this episode looks. Let me guess, SJP gives Rachel a makeover? And the glee kids have a hilarious debate? Still excited fo life.

Guess Who's Back. Back again: Cuz it feels so empty without Glee!

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And we're baaaaaaaaack.  As if Friday mornings weren't already heavenly, now I get to watch Glee, too? I don't deserve this kind of freaky luck in my life!

For all my returning readers (Allison Perri Newman and probably 3 others), I hope I live up to the high bar you have set for my blogs. And to all you first-time readers... I am about to blab on a bunch of jibberish and inside jokes that you will not be able to understand so just Follow along white people!

For once, I tried to stay away from spoilers as much as humanly possibly before the premiere, which was impossible, especially after watching 2 hours of the X Factor (which is the weyudest show on planet earth) and following Ryan Murphy on Twitter. My expectations were low for this first episode, because both Season 2 and Season 3 premieres were WIGGEDY WIGGEDY WIGGEDY WACK. The title of this episode was the New Rachel (yes!) and it wasn't until halfway through that I understood the double meaning of this phrase! The New Directions need a "New Rachel" to be the star (well duh) AND Rachel Berry is becoming a "New Rachel" in New York via self-discovery and hot boys in towels! Let's Get Get Get it Poppin.

The New Rachels: McKinley Style

New school year at McKinley High School! Fresh of their Nationals victory, the New Directions are all Glee Studs and being courted by popular kids, cafeteria lady spawn, red-headed rappers and Vocal Adrenaline hot messes. Unique just up and left Jesse St. James (LOUDER! How could you?) and becomes a contender for the spot of new star of the Glee Club. Also in the running was Tina Cohen- Chang, who broke up with Mike..? I am usually all for this kind of single girl power but in this case Mike was upgrading you and now...just wamp. But power to the people, you can get your groove back. And Rachel was just being nice before- she would never endorse you, Tina. Brittany S. Pierce is also back in action... ok get out of here you can't sing, and Blaine (Sigh..... <3) clearly this fake competition is yours for the taking. & I didn't think it was possible, but Glee made Call Me Maybe even better AND made me love Blaine even more- which is why he was an obvious choice (thank you Artie) for the New Rachel.

Once that was settled, it was time to beef up the New Directions; they still need 12 people to compete right? Enter Marley, who was not only rocking a freaking taxi driver hat that should have been outlawed in the 1930's but is the daughter of the lunch lady! SCANDAL! (I'm not really grasping the genetics on that mother/daughter pair but we'll go with it.) But it turns out she can sing- and her Walmart swag made the New Directions go back to being nice to people again and getting slushied. So is Marley the new Rachel? I mean she got the solo and did the dramatic arm raise at the same time as RB so... I'm just trying to piece together the symbolism. Other noteworthy auditions included an awesomely hilarious rapper "Lil Wayne Lil Wayne" and baby Puckasaurus also known as "Just Jake". I mean really? I literally put my hand to my forehead in obsession upon hearing his first note. What we know about Jake: He is Puck's secret half brother, he has a chip on his shoulder, his dad is a former NBA Player (did I hear that right?), he is hot and he can sing. But the chip on his shoulder could make him a challenge for Mr. Shue... and the plot thickens.

In other news- Kurt is a pathetic and depressing townie. Trust me I know the feeling and have witnessed it first-hand: the dance team girl who just can't let go! I mean just last week I was at the bottom of the hill for an entire football game looking like a groupie trying to relive my glory days. We gotta move on, Kurt! And thanks to the world's greatest Dad, Burt Hummel, Kurt decided to leave his career as a barista and Glee club consultant and move to New York to do.... something. Not sure on that one yet but I'll get back to you.

The New Rachel: NYADA style

And who was in New York waiting for Kurt? None other than the original Rachel herself... Rachel. After choking on Kate Hudson promos for the last month, it was hard for me to care about these supposed "cut-throat" dance classes. I did like that Kate Hudson is an alcoholic, but even drunk she is right that Rachel needs to work on her pique turns. Why are they only doing pique turns? Who even does them anymore? Also, Rachel's roomie is a slore! Wish we could have met her, Michelle, any thoughts? But Rache made a new friend- and a HOT junior at that! Watch out now Finn, who hasn't called her in 2 months???? And she is still holding a candle for him?? Actually I can totally relate to that, poor Rachel. But good news- she NAILED her HUNGER GAMES REAPING!  I VOLUNTEER! And the sound of her voice gave me immediate chills. But by the end, she had CRACKED like an egg and needed her bestie, Kurt. Say crack again. And like a good neighbor, State Farm is there! With a gay best friend standing on the opposite end of a fountain.

Overall Grade for the Episode: A. I was truly shocked how great it was, considering Glee's Episode 1 history! I actually love the current Glee club, even though I miss Quinn, Finn and Puck, and love Rachel's New York Life, besides her annoying dance class. Woo Season 4 is on bitches.

Favorite Performance of the Episode: It's Time performed by Blaine. Nothing can beat a combination of step dancing, cup percussion, double dutch jump ropes and Blaine Anderson. Never seen double dutch look so effortless, Blaine clearly needed to tutor the kids from the Glee project. Lilly couldn't even turn the rope without getting out of breath. EYE OF THE TIGER!

Least Favorite Performance of the Episode: Americano/Dance Again performed by Kate Hudson (forgot her character's name.) I'm just not that into you Kate Hudson!

Favorite Moment of the Episode: Not gonna lie, seeing Jacob Bin Israel's face pop up on the screen made me all kinds of happy.

Least Favorite Moment: I honestly can't think of one. Wow. Great ep!

Here is my Glist from week one, a way of ranking these fictional characters who rule my life. If you ain't on the Glist you ain't shit.

Glist Week 1
1. Blaine. for being perfect in every way
2. Jake. seriously, why can't there be guys like him in real life?
3. Rachel Berry. You are everything... totally believable in NY, love ya girl!  

4. Kurt.
5. Sam. "Bella i love you. And im a werewolf."
6. Sugar Motta. Triumphant return in a leopard hoodie
7.  Marley.
8. Artie.

9. Brody.  Again, where is ur equivalent walking around the mean streets of DC
 10. Mr. Shue. I'm proud of you! Look at your little club!

Random Thoughts:

-Rory Flanagan they dropped you like it was hot! Hopefully Blake will not suffer the same fate.

- Sue has a newborn and a Kitty Kat.

-Why u gotta hate strong black women for?

-Kate Hudson's abs, didn't she just have a baby? ftw

-Unique, if you're gonna go drag, don't dress like a 40 yr old mom! I could have sworn you were NeNe Leakes for a second

-Ok, this could have turned out bad but after Marley revealed that the lunch lady was her mom that was a perfect time for the bullies to come in with some "Yo mommas so fat" jokes

-I don't even read other Glee blogs anymore because I think mine is far superior

-Did Whoopi just tell a girl she couldnt go to college anymore?

Next Week's Episode

It's Britney Bitch! Fox is really milking the Britney cow dry! My dream songs would be "Lucky" "Drive Me Crazy" and "Don't Let me be the last to know" Can't Wait!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIIBQLrhOi4