Poop they did it again... don't hit me any more times

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Lawd this episode. Well the good news is...Glee Season 4, like Brittany S. Pierce and Britney Spears has hit rock bottom. So there's nowhere to go but up. You hit your bottom, Glee.

Ok, let's just get it all out there. And I say this out of love. People need to stop trying to make fetch happen. And by fetch I mean Britney Spears post-Toxic. She can't and could never sing, and although YES she changed my life and YES I know all the choreography to her various videos and live performances, all that's left of her is a slightly chunky, talent-less, bleached out and autotuned robot. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE BRITNEY I will jam out to Piece of Me while I'm getting ready and watch the Xfactor just to support, but that doesn't mean I'm trying to hear any of those later songs covered on Glee. But alas, this is what happened, and I am forced to try to take this episode seriously even though WE ALL KNOW this is just Ryan Murphy's way of re-living his home video Britney Spears productions. (We all have them.)

That being said, I love Ryan Murphy, and I do love Britney Spears despite the undeserved idol worship in the Glee Club, so I have braced myself for the inevitable hour-long tribute, part deux, in which we were taken through...DUN DUN DUN...

THE EVOLUTION OF BRITNEY SPEARS

We begin with Teeny Bopper Brit, who in this episode was portrayed by the closest thing Glee Season 4 can get to a Catholic School girl with a crush:  Marley. This good girl with a heart of gold comes complete with an "I love my mom" white board in her locker. WHAT. I say again, WHAT. I love my mom as much as the next girl but surrously? Marley is so boring I can't take it, and SURPRISE SURPRISE she has a crush on baby Puckerman whose name is escaping me right now. She decides he is cute, and then all of a sudden and despite warnings from the 40 Year Old Version of Unique, she is DRIVEN CRAZY by him. (That duet was Prettay kewl though) Girls are so stupid. Was this episode supposed to make me root for Marley and Baby Puck? Cuz I'm all about Kitty, at least she has some spice in her life. Marley was so hurt by Puckito's diss that she fast-forwarded all the way to crazed/suicidal Brit by the end of the episode. After Marley's somewhat loveable debut, how is it possible that I'm already over her character?? And I ain't cool with Marley getting the last song all the time. Moving on.

Next, we travel to NYADA for the Not that Innocent Britney, portrayed by everyone's favorite gold star Rachel Berry. This Britney phase is my personal fave, you know when she started doing scandalous performances and danced with snakes to show that she wasn't a boring virgin anymore. In the Glee World, Rachel attempted to draw comparisons to this coming-into-her-own, fierce, dancing Britney-esque girl, pretty unsuccessfully. Um Rachel still can't dance and the Glee writers need to accept that. Whatever. So Kate Hudson is even more of a raging lunatic that we thought- less because of her cell phone rant and more because she is teaching the tango in class. I still don't get what kind of dance class this is! She made Rachel sit out because she wasn't sexy enough, but Rachel was like nuh uh honey boo boo child! And did the most awkward and all over the place sex dance. Gwoss, I hate when dances simulate sex.

-->Perfect example. Kate Hudson still thinks RB is destined to perform the role of Shrek on Broadway, but at least things are going well with Brody Jenner and Kurt, now let's see how long it will take for her to CRACK. again again say crack again!

Which brings us to the Britney version that got the most shine and high praise this episode, Gross Sister Britney/Post- Popozao Britney. Brittany S. Pierce's flawless 2nd senior year hit a wall when she received an F- on a test, got kicked off the Cheerios, and got fuckin Federlined by Santana. (Nooo he made her break up with herself!) First thought- this isn't the first time Brittany has been without her high pony and Cheerios uniforms; she was wearing wack stuff all season 2. So why is she dressing like a homeless person this time around? Anyway, in order to get herself out of her doldrums, Brit decided to get to borderline psychopathic Britney in order to stage a comeback. Riiiiight. This all culminated is the EQUIVALENT OF SHOW CHOIR BLOOD DOPING... LIP SYNCING FOR YOUR LIFE. I will say, the Gimme More outfit and greasy middle part were spot on during the Pep Assembly. But really, what a waste. I love a good Glee Club Pep Assembly performance and that was a hot mess. In a puzzling twist, Sam Trouty Mouth Evans was the one to help Brittany get back on track? Glee's logic this episode is just beyond words.

So what have we learned from this episode? Ryan Murphy loves Britney Spears enough to sabotage his own show, Rachel Berry will never be sexy, and hitting rock bottom ain't always the way, people.

Overall grade for the episode. B-. If I didn't love glee so much i would give it an F minus. This is a high stakes season! We can't just be throwing away episodes. Glad we got this over with early in the year, though.

Favorite Performance of the Episode: Shocking myself by saying this, but Three performed by Tina Cohen Chang, Teen Jesus and Trouty Mouth. Sounded good, and Boyfriend/Boyfriend was great but Blaine and Artie did not look like they were feeling themselves as much as usual. Prob because they realized this episode sucked.

Least Favorite Performance of the Episode: Womanizer performed by Unique, Marley and Tina. This song has always annoyed me, and the gym class hot mess dancing didn't make it any better.

Favorite moment of the Episode 

Trouty Mouth opening his big Gigantic mouth in a welcoming gesture to homeboy. 

Least Favorite Moment of the Episode

Britney eating cheetos and drinking orange soda whilst performing. No clahss.  

Glist- Week 2

1. Brody - another successful week of being awesome.

2. Blaine - ditto on the me side.

3. Sam - Trouty mouth, trouthy mouth, what are they feeding you

4. Kitty- Got the Top Bitch spot and the Hot BF. Dare I say it? Winning!

5. Tina-  I see you getting your flirt on.

6. Kurt - God love ya.

7. Finn-  At least he is doing something with his life and not annoying me this week with Britney Spears songs.

8. Artie- you must save the club young padawan.

9. Piano guy-  Talk about a comeback 

10. Puck - you still can't act so good. But the gasp I let out when I say your face woke my neighbors up I'm sure. 

Random Thoughts:

-Ryan Murphy, Stop leaving Sugar Motta out of episodes. Don't be cheap-  pay her to sit in the background. 

-Leave Britney alone!

-Jacob's Bin Israel is just doing his job people! Don't hate the player hate the game. The game is the game.

-Glad Puck is doing so well that he can just fly back to Ohio for a 5 minute conversation with his half-brother who he just found out about. That was so lame.

-What up Emma!

Next week's episode. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojheBP6CTS8

I'm so confused about how predictable this episode looks. Let me guess, SJP gives Rachel a makeover? And the glee kids have a hilarious debate? Still excited fo life.