If I Die Young, bury me with Sam Evans doing a body roll

The Sectionals episodes are always the highlights of the season for me. In season 1, Finn found out that not having sex with your gf directly results in you not impregnating her, and Rachel laid down the most magical performance known to man with "Don't Rain on my Parade." Last season's Sectionals episode brought a Rachel and Finn break-up and the New Directions emergence of Satana with "Valerie."

So you can imagine my disappoint when this years sectionals episode was wiggedy wiggedy wiggedy wack. (For the most part.)

Glee does this thing when they really need stuff to happen right away so they talk really fast and come to insanely quick conclusions to make it happen. Enter Sam Evans.

Don't get me wrong- I love trouty mouth and glad that he is back. The fact that he is a stripper in Kentucky doesn't even bother me. It's the fact that he came back to McKinley so suddenly just because they needed "star power" at Sectionals. (Really? For star power you think of Trouty Mouth?) If I were Sam, I would be none too pleased that they suddenly want to be my friend again so I can come sleep on their couches and help them win.  And the Sam and Mersizzle thing... Do I even have to comment? I don't believe it, maybe I need to see a flashback of their hot summer fling (ew) to fully understand. But Sam's back! And he's gone country- singing about solo cups. (I feel you, Kurt. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?)

Btw, Mike Chang's dad is now accepting of Mike Chang, Jr becoming a dancer, after Tina told him to be honorable. Snore.

And Blaine and Finn made up in the first 10 minutes. That feud really had us on the edge of our seats!!! Love that Blaine was in fight club. And that he is perfect in every way.

So the actual sectionals performances were the meat of the episode I guess. The Unitards were good, surprised they were so happy about getting third.

Troubletones. Sigh. You had so much potential. For some reason you decided to choreograph a bunch of arm flapping while singing two of the most stereotypical "girl power" songs ever. Yawn. You could have had it all rolling in the deep.

Speaking of Troubletones, looks like we have seen the last of  Ms. Robinson Corcoran. After Quinn threatened to snitch on her and Puck, Shelby seemed to have accepted the fact that she fucked up and shouldn't be teaching anymore. But does she love Puck? She seemed kind of sad. Also, here's a message to all you kids out there: It sucks to be old. Stick that in your pipe and don't smoke it because it will make you look older and then your life will suck even more!

And this brings us to the Quinn "rich white girl problems" Fabray portion of our program. As much as she has annoyed me this season, I like what they have done with her. And I would also argue that being a pregnant teen and giving your baby up for adoption is slightly more problematic than normal white people problems like "my closet to too full to fit all my clothes and I'm going to be late for class." Quinn is so unhappy with how her life has turned out so far, and desperate for something to make her feel better (being a skank, stealing beth, Puck, Sam). Not sure if it was Sam, Shelby, or Rachel's pep talk that finally got through to her, but it was pretty clear by the end of the episode that she is back!!!!!! I'm so happy- and I hope that she doesn't fade to the background of New Directions now that she isn't as controversial. And is she smart enough to get into Yale?? Has she been keeping up with her homework throughout all her baby napping schemes? We shall see.

So she decides to not snitch and New Directions performs. Ok.  First issue with this performance is that it was about 10X longer than the others, and a lot of those songs could have been cut shorter. I liked ABC okay,  Kurt stole the show of course, but it was not that exciting. And then Control- which was set off by Quinn looking like her psycho self -was okay, but again it was waayyyy to long and they should have just stuck to one verse and one chorus. How can I complain about Man in the Mirror? I can't. Everyone sounded good, Puck's little MJ dance made me laugh out loud, and did everyone like the invisible gospel choir that chimed in at the end? And then New Directions won, which of course I was thrilled about because the TroubleTones can KICK HUGE ROCKS and ND were def better than them, even if their performance must have broken some kind of rules about length of routine.

I give the first 40 minutes of the episode at C, but the last 10 minutes an A+. They gave me the warm and fuzzy glee moments that keep me coming back every time and I was in tears as I was putting on my makeup for the day (not the most opportune time to be crying.) First of all, Mr. Shue and Emma are weird, but when he pointed to her, IN SLOW MOTION I MIGHT ADD, and blew a kiss to her in the audience, I was done. Glee Club has brought them so much happiness! And I absolutely love the Quinn and Rachel friendship (even though Quinn is cowering over her now... seriously did she grow a foot when she started smoking cigarettes?). 

Best part of the episode was the girl talk in the bathroom, when Quinn sums up the lesson of the episode, which was that you need to enjoy the time you have and not worry about the little petty things (details in the fabric, white people problems, etc.) Which I feel like ALLLL of the people reading this blog (including myself) should pay attention to. Life is short people! And we will all be old one day, so we need to chill out a little.

And so the only 4 people who had names in the TroubleTones (I guess all of the cheerios just said forget it) swallowed their pride and returned to the New Directions (wait, does Sugar Motta get to join now? I thought she was rejected?), which culminated in a performance that was worthy of a sectionals episode. (FINALLY!!!)

Favorite Performance of the episode: 
We are Young performed by the new again New Directions. Pure perfection, was sweet and sounded good, made me so happy inside and will probably be watching this again 47 times before the day is over. And Rachel is back! And so is Sam! And Santana! And Mercedes! AND OH MR. SHUE CAME TO PLAY!

Least Favorite Performance of the episode: 
I Will Survive/Survivor. Hate to say it ladies, but you really screwed the pooch on this one. And that's saying a lot seeing as one of tonight's performances was entitled "Red Solo Cup." Safe song choice, SLOPPY FREAKSHOW BABY dancing. Dumb Dumb Stupid.

Favorite Moment of the Episode: When Shelby and Quinn ice-grilled each other in the hallway.

Least Favorite Moment of the Episode: Sam's scene with his parents... Yall made a big fuss out of casting his parents for 30 seconds of boring conversation? Lame.

Other Random Thoughts:
-Sebastian is not only flawless-looking, he is kinda mean. If he were straight he would be perfect for Quinn.
-No insult is better than "You smell like Craigs List"
-Mr. Shue running into the last performance and doing his Mr. Shue laugh was unintentionally hilarious
-As Nina said "Noone understands that Sugar Motta is the best character"
-I need to find a boyfriend who will fill out my college applications and tell my parents to let me do things
-I can't wait until Shane sits on Sam and crushes him like Uncle Phil crushed that bunny
-Why is Quinn wearing a tight white graduation dress in December? In ohio?



Next Week's Episode:
Couldn't tell much from the episode, but it looks funny. I hope there is some Christmas romance!