Glee Christmas/Hanukkah/End of Civilization Episode is here!
This
episode has everything, you’ve got your wheelchair kids in black in white,
your obese lunch ladies with #nofilter, your jew on jew motocross racing-
family fun for all!
Glee tried to convince us into that they were doing a "Love Actually” tribute, by having 4 or 5 different storylines that all centered
around one theme. But this episode just felt like every other Glee
episode which led me to realize that every Glee episode is like a tribute to Love
Actually, jumping from story to story without a care in the world, but ultimately centering around one big theme that Will Shuester writes on the white board. (Duets, Funk, Lesbian Music, the word "Hello" etc.) But this episode had like 20 different directions so it didn’t
really compare to Love Actually at all. IT’S IRONIC, ACTUALLY. So here is what was said:
Glactually Christmas Episode Themes:
1) Acceptance
of Self/Fate/Destiny/Destiny's Child/Glee Club (Artie)
2) Dads
having cancer and new beginnings? (Kurt)
3) Mayan
Apocalypse/Carpe Diem (Brittany and Sam)
4) Spirit
of Giving/Eating Disorders (Marley/Sue)
5) Family
Bonding/Religious Pride (Jake/Puck)
And here we go.
So for the 3rd or 4th time in this show’s run, Artie was sick of being in a
wheelchair. I feel you kid, and I don’t know how you stay so slender. So
commence the dream sequence in which Artie never got in a car accident and
everything was topsy turvy! Some thoughts on this dream sequence:
-Artie, no matter what you still look like a nerd.
-Mike Chang was lookin hot in black and white.
-Why was Kurt questioned for not graduating but none of the rest of his senior class was questioned? Loose threads, Glee.
-That’s a doll hahahahah. (referring to the incomparable
Terri Shuester)
-You cannot mention Ken Tanaka and then not show freakin Ken Tanaka!
-"Feliz Navidad" was sooo boring
-Ummm Quinn died of a broken heart, am I the only one who
thought that was hiliarous?? She is a texting while driving addict?!?!? WHATEVER HAPPENED, HAPPENED.
You always get on that
plane.
So bottom line, like with every other Glee hallucination
(See Props) the dreamer realizes that there is a reason that things are the
way they are. And apparently the reason that Artie is in a wheelchair is so
that his social status is so low that he joins the Glee Club he becomes the glue
that keeps the New Directions together. And basically, a life without Glee
is nothing at all! I do agree that Artie is the glue, although he gets no play
anymore. And if he is the glue then Tina Cohen Chang is the rubber that
everything bounces off and sticks to Artie.
But my question about the whole thing is… if it was dream,
and it wasn’t real… then how’d I get jersey with the name O’Neal (O’Neal,
O’Neal) Enjoy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfhhWA9GF0M
Stop #2 on the train
to nowhere: NEW YAK!
No surprise, Burt
Hummel is Dad of the Year for the 4th consecutive year. He
popped up (you gotta pop up) to Kurt and
Rachel’s apartment just as Rachel was about to be whisked away on Rosie O' Donnell holiday
cruise, but arrived with sad news that Burty Boy has cancer. BUZZ KILL. Really
Glee? Didn’t we already have to get through this emotional trauma once with
Rachel singing Papa Can You Hear Me by Burt’s bedside? But he and Kurt bonded,
and he gave Kurt the best present any human on earth could receive, the gift of
Blaine! Blaine and Kurt are still on
the rocks, but their Christmas duet was so fetch. And Blaine is going to apply
to NYADA so that is interesting… very interesting.
Scenario # 3: Dont you DARE. Say… KWANAKAH!!!!!!
It has become apparent that the Puckerman brothers need each other’s hotness to survive so several
things took place in this hotness exchange. Puck wants to “help” Jake with
something I’m not sure of, so they took the the 45 north to San Vicente and
then took Beverly over to Santa Monica until they arrived in Cali and did some
networking via Hanukkah song on a movie set. (Sidenote: Wish i had known this song before I was asked to
make a Hanukkah halftime mix.) THEN they decided to go back to Lima to unite
their mothers (weird) so they got back on San Vicente and took it to the 10 and
switched over to the 404 and had dinner at
breadsticks with the whole clan. Only important thing that came out of this story is that PUCK IS
MOVING BACK TO OHIO AND THE ANGELS REJOICED, ALLELUIA, ALLELUIA.
Scenario # 4 Keep on
Dancing til the world ends!
Trouty Mouth and No Lips Brit fit into this strange
hodgepodge of Christmas stories by deciding that life is much greater when you
think you only have a few days left via the Mayan Apocalypse. Seriously though
in real life is the world gonna end? I just wanna know either way. There have
been way too many songs about it not to be
true, right? Whatevs, Sam and Brittany
used comedy to help us cope with our inevitable doom and then Sam performed Jingle Bell Rock for NO APPARENT
REASON in the library and then they got married! But not really, Coach Bieste
is such a trickster! Now they are just dating and will probably break up
soon since Glee is bound to run out of interesting things to happen in that
area. I guess moral of this story is you should always treat people like it’s
the end of the world! Live like you were dying, live while you’re young, I’m
gonna die young, forever young, do you really wanna live forever etc.
Scenario # 5 Marley
and Me and a Magical Christmas Tree full of cash
How awful must it be for Marley’s mom the actress to read
those scripts with fat jokes all up in them?
Anyway, Marley officially
has an eating disorder! Congrats, girl. And in order to pay for her therapy
sessions, Marley and Marleymom
cannot afford a Christmas tree or even an ugly sweater from “Benetton.” So in
the spirit of a Glee Christmas episode, Sue once again went from Grinch to Cat in the Hat and gave
the Marleys a Christmas surprise!
Marley’s mom then tried to return the cash and it went something like
this:
I can’t accept.
Just take it.
Ok.
And the Glee Club sang and not a creature was stirring, not
even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care in the hopes
that Quinn Fabre would rise from the grave and mend her broken heart. And
visions of SugarMotta danced in everyone’s head.
Overall Grade for the
Episode: B+
Glee Christmas episodes are never great, but I enjoyed it!
Won’t be watching it again anytime soon but it got the job done.
Favorite Performance
of the Episode: Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas performed by
everyone. This song gets me every single freaking time no matter the version.
Least Favorite
Performance of the Episode: Marley singing the first noel for several
reasons. One, there was a feature on Glee’s facebook page of them trying to
remember the words to the songs and Marley was the only one who could do it but
they failed to mention she had to memorize it for the show! Cheating bitch.
Also this was an awkward cafeteria scene that no one needed.
Favorite Moment of
the Episode: (and quote possibly of the season) “Tina your acting career is
a pipe dream and your decision to pursue it is both irresponsible and shocking.”
Other thoughts:
-Does Blaine Warbler not have his own family to celebrate
with?
-Sugar motta and Unique not out chea
-Omg it is snowing!!! Inside! A true Christmas miracle
-I repeat where is sugar motta?
-Why in baby Jesus’s name don’t we get to see Rachel and her
dad on the cruise?
-Wasn't there supposed to be a Winter Concert they were preparing for? Where was that?
Glist
1.
Puck
2.
Blaine
3.
Jake
4.
Burt
5.
The spirit of Quinn
6.
Sam
7.
Cool Artie
8.
Nerd Artie
9.
Kitty (looking fierce out of that pony!)
10. Coach
Bieste
Next New Glee:
Sadie Hawkins dance! I’m intrigued! But let’s wait a while
before it’s too late
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vA1Ddrf_es
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