I wrote a sticky note to Glee it says I am not lisning to your gender rules

In case you hadn't heard- Glee is back.

GLEE IS BACK.

And snow is on the ground and we are in the doldrums of January and the Glee writers are like hey let's do a prom episode wayyyyyy before prom!!! Here we go:

McKinley High School is having a super formal Sadie Hawkins dance, basically because Tina Hoe-in Chang is in love with Blaine and needs an excuse to profess this to everyone. Several thoughts:

1. Tina girl, I don't blame you.

2. Blaine is gay.

3. Tina. If Blaine were to ever EVER EVER come back to us you ain't gonna be the one to turn him.

4. Blatina is one of the worst combined love names. Tina Cohen Blaine. Blina Cohen Chang.

So we weave this into everyone's lives in several ways. Finn Hudson aka the worst Glee Club coach ever is fresh out of ideas on what to do now since the New Directions have nothing to compete for. Come on now Finn! All you have to do is make them sing and dance around- isn't that what you told them was the whole point of the New Directions in that sappy e-mail read round the world? Whatever, Finn encourages all of the Glee girls to ask the boys out to the dance via Glee Club performances. Why does he just assume that the girls in Glee want to only date the boys in Glee? Can't they venture out into the wild sometimes?

Apparently they can't- they are all freaking obsessed with each other. So Tina serenaded Blaine and Blaine blocked the shit out of her shot he was like BLA- BAM! No thank you.

Come to find out, Blaine rejected her for a reason and the reason was not because he isn't interested in girls. (???) Or because he is scarred for life after a Sadie Hawkins dance gone wrong. He is in love....  with... wait for it..... you'll never believe who I'm about to say... the one... the only.... SAM TROUTY MOUTH EVANS. Maybe I'm just an idiot who loves Glee too much, but this is so believable to me. Sam is the bee's knees, am I right? And the more I watched Blaine and Sam interact as bros, I begin to relate to being a gay man in love with my best friend and student council running mate Sam Evans. (?? Don't come for me.)

But I guess the larger theme of this episode was that if you want something you should go for it!! Especially if you're a woman or gay.

So here comes Marley "WakeMeUpWhenShe'sDone" HatFace who loves Jake and chose to serenade him by flailing around the choir room in a blue dress. I'm sorry, was there supposed to be some kind of drama that goes with this? She sang a song while looking insane, Jake smiled a lot, she asked him to the dance, he said yes. She asked him to be exclusive, he said yes. So maybe this is Ryan Murphy's take on a normal relationship. He is trying to shock us by doing nothing shocking or interesting?? Deconstructionist mind control- I'm sure it will all turn into something dramatic- Marley will vomit up her lunch on Jake one day and he will be totally offended.

And of course the dance was a hit! The guys performed and they were on their suit and tie shit tie shit. The girls performed.  Sugar Motta lip synced for her life and Marley sucks at lip syncing. Speaking of lip syncing...

For all of the people who can't fully graspe the power of Beyonce and were shocked and offended that she lip sanc (is that the past tense?) at the inauguration, just shut it.  She still sang the song at some point, it was still her beautiful voice, and her voice wasn't even the best part of that performance. By a mile. Beyonce is EVERYTHING the voice, the look, the style, the performance, so I could care less if she sang live! And this guy believes she did sing live anyway.

Back to Glee.

While at the dance, it seemed as though Tina was Tuiasosopo'd and made to believe something that could not possibly be true in this universe, when she actually thought Blaine was going to KISS HER. No, bitch. No. Luckily Blaine was whisked away just in time by his one true love Trouty Mouth to investigate the Warblers alleged steroid use. (why does Microsoft Word not accept Trouty as a word?? I type it more than my own name)

Yes, the Warblers are juicing. Fat cheerful boy says so. Glee tried to go one season without competing and then were like nope! We are out of ideas so let's just stick some needles in Warbler butts.

Stupid boys, let's back to female empowerment, Tina got to slow dance with her gay, Sugar Motta lept up onto Artie, ZIZES IS BACK IN THE HOUSE and making horrible dating decisions (Teen Jesus ain't ready for that jelly) and Kitty Kat whored herself out to Puck. Was the Kitty thing supposed to be empowering? Is she going to go all April Kepner and regret giving her virginity to Puck instead of Jesus? Only time will tell.

And to tie it all in- Kurt also was taking charge of his female parts and decided to ask out the founder of the Adam's Ah-pel show choir at Nyada. Where in hell did Ryan Murphy find these fweakazoids to compose this group.

In a very small segment of the episode we find out that Rachel and Brodes are getting hot and heavy. She perhaps loves him? She perhaps is sleeping with him? He is perhaps moving in?

Which brings me to an important bump in the road and she's be's sarcastic. This episode showed sooo many of our formerly boo'd up characters falling for someone else. Rachel seems to have moved on from Finn completely, Blaine was giving the sad puppy eyes to Sam like Kurt never existed, Kurt is giggling at Adam and his apple, and Tina is in love with Blaine. And Brittany's been over Santana for a minute. So I stroke my chin and ponder are these couples over for good?? Hopefully Ryan Murphy is playing the long game and trying to confuse us all.

But more importantly, what's up with the Cheerio in the neck brace. Like what's her story, where did she come from, how did she injure herself? We need answers.

Overall grade for the episode A-

Really enjoyed this episode although the Sadie Hawkins dance is prob gonna take away from the Prom episode if they even have one! Love Blam.

Favorite performance of the episode: I Only Have Eyes for You performed by Ryder. This is one of my very very favorite songs ever, has been since Cologero stole my heart in a Bronx Tale. Ryder is the eye of my tiger.

Least favorite performance of the episode: Baby got Back performed by the Adam's Apples. Wtf. So corny. That is the most cliche white ppl obsessed song ever. And Kurt giggling and snickering in the audience was so horribly awk.

Favorite Moment of the Episode

Brittany spaz- dancing in the hallway right before "Tell Him." Just dance, Brit. Gonna be okay, da da do do and just dance.

Least Favorite Moment of the Episode

The camera doing a close up on the girls as they sing "Cuz your sex takes me to paradise." Yall are too young- stop it I would have liked it better if they switched the word "sex" to "calves". @so_grool @em_riedel

Other Thoughts

- I am pretty upset that I did not come up with "Too Young to be Bitter" first

- Becky is a little slut aint she. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ryjcj669DcI
- Was Kurt doing plies in skinny jeans
- I thought Rachel was gonna get hit by a bus Mean Girls style

- Zizes is the shit
- Zizes's outfit was so fetch
- Ryder was up there twerkin on No Scrubs hahaha
- Marley dance to the beat for gods sake
- Brittany always taking the sexual dancing to another level

Glist
1. Sam- All about that gooey gooey fsho
2. Blaine
3. Sugar- best dressed at the dance by far
4. Ryder - poor baby. Date me, I'm speaking to Blake now not Ryder.
5. Brody
6. Zizes
7. Artie

8. Puck- slightly creepy and sad in this episode but still fine as hell

9. Kitty- Jesus Loving Devil!

10. Rachel

Next week's episode:
Naked. Trying to get some viewers. Santana, Quinn, Rachel growing up to be a slut, the usual. Hoping Holly Holiday doesn't bust up in that jank talking about sex.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JLlBnzGryg