I’m F***in Ron Swansong: Had to Make this Swan Cry

I would first like to say that I loved this episode but more importantly, if SUGAR FREAKING MOTTA IS NO LONGER ON THE SHOW THEN I’M NOT SURE IF I HAVE THE STRENGTH TO BLOG EVER AGAIN. Ryan Murphy, hear my swan song and correct this blaspheme.

In a major twist, only because no one ever thought Ryan Murphy would have the balls to make it happen, the New Directions lost sectionals because of Rexi’s blackout performance. (If somehow the Warblers disqualify and the ND get to compete again I will be so annoyed.) The New Directions should thank Marley for passing out and ruining their chances because now they can tell people they had to forfeit rather than the truth which is that they got whooped gangham style! They sucked and the Warblers were so fetch.

So basically as soon as they found out out the news that they lost,  Sue and the Cheerios were trashin' the camp, and all of the New Directions san Marley decided to quit and move on to the next one. (Whooo could it be?) Some of my faves included Blaine Warbler as a Cheerio (PLEASE DON’T GIVE UP ON THIS DREAM) and Artie as a drumline maestro or whatevs you call it.

Brittany and Sam decided that instead of taking up on extracurriculars, they would just complete the Glee Club dating circle of life and fall in love for no apparent reason. Is it me, or are they making Brittany seem even dumber nowadays? They’ve taken her from ditzy blonde to full on elementary schooler and it’s mad annoying. But Sam seems to be way into it so maybe I should start drooling and eating cheerios off the ground if I’m ever gonna find true love.

Meanwhile at NYADA (3 syllables) or nyada (2 syllables), it was time for the Winter Showcase dun dun dun. After the Season 4 premiere and the mere mention of the Winter Showcase, who didn’t guess that Rachel B would be selected to sing in it? I mean duh come on now, some Glee writers wait a lifetime for a moment like this. (She should’ve done that!!! Omg or the Justin Guarini version!) Rachel was all a flutter, until she had a dance battle with Kate Hudson and realized (finally) that dancing is not her strong suit but she can sing better than anyone around the globe! So she got all dolled up, (and looked effing wonderful) kissed Brody the Babe and went out there and tore shit up. I mean I have never heard that song in my life and it seemed to have no concern for rhyming, tempo or anything but she is the queen and we are just the sorry people. A little too dramatic but that’s just her and that’s why she got a standing O! If I wasn’t the laziest sloppy freakshow baby I would have gotten out of my chair and thrown flowers at my laptop screen this morning. And apparently a look from Whoopi Goldberg means do an encore Christmas song (I thought she was going rogue for a second!) and RB hit us with another flawless performance of “O Holy Night.” Granted, she released that one like 2 years ago and I would have preferred for her to sing something new, but she still sounded ridiculous so brava! SUPERB LIL RACHE, I ONLY WISH YOUR DADS COULD SEE YOU NOW! Seriously though, let’s get them back on the screen asap. (Also, I really want Brody to end up being an asshole to spice up my life a little.)

In a shocking twist- well not that shocking at all if you watch the previews- Whoopi decided to let Kurt audition again for Nyada on the spot at the Winter Showcase. LOUDER!!! Turns out that all the things we love about Kurt performances (high kicks, baton twirling, ridiculous outfits) do not fit into the NYADA mold… umm excuse me?!?!? Kurt, screw them, join the circus or hook up with Nicki Minaj and paint the town gold glitter! But I guess Kurt really wanted to get in, so Kurnicorn had an ADORABLE chat with Rachel about singing with soul and went out on stage to audition one last time.

Ok this is the point in the episode when I lost my freaking mind and started crying hysterically. I have no idea if this "Kurt on the big stage" moment had a similar effect on others, but I was seriously crying, like ugly face and tears streaming down into puddles on my keyboard. Maybe it was the mention of the “I wanna hold your hand” performance that made me think of little Kurt Hummel with the side swept bangs or made me think of the times when Kurt was having such a miserable time trying to be a gay teen in Ohio, or maybe the words of the song. I don’t know man!! In an emotional state right now. But Kurt did great ALTHOUGH if you are trying to make a classic Kurt number you need to have him hit a classic Kurt high note. But he got into NYADA, and Rachel won and held Brody’s hand! And all is happy in the big city.

Back in Lima, Finn was struggling to get the Glee kids to stay in the club after they had no more competitions to work for and no practice space. I know these epiphany moments are kind of corny but I loved it when Rachel told Finn that it’s not about the competition and it’s about the singing, dancing, fun and friendships, yadda yadda yadda. It's so true and to that I say hell yeah. Hell yeah hell yeah. So Finn sent out an e-mail with the basic sentiment of “You can find your way, you can go the distance” (TM Maggie Klee) and it turns out that all of the kids love Glee club as much as I love Dance Team haha circle of life goes around again!  And Marley finally wore an appropriate hat.

Overall Grade for the Episode: A

Simple plot, positive message. Great performances and inexplicable tears always translates in a good review from me.

Favorite Performance of the Episode: Being Good Isn’t Good Enough performed by Rachel Berry. There is no other answer and I am working on my rendition of this to be performed at Gabe’s next pregame.

Least Favorite Performance of the Episode: All That Jazz performed by Cassandra and Rachel. If I never have to see that dance studio again I will die a happy gleek.

Favorite Moment of the Episode: 2 Winners: Blaine strutting up in a Cheerios uni and Black Swan giving Rachel the stink eye as she sang.

Least Favorite Moment of the Episode:  Teen Jesus being fweaky and weyud.

Glist

1. Rachel

2. Kurt

3. Blaine

4. Sam- I’m just saying you could do better.

5. Artie

6. Jake

7. Ryder

8. Brody

9. Cheerios doing trapeze/ribbon dancing in slow motion

10. Tina was not annoying this week!

Other Thoughts:
-Ryan Murphy reading my blog again with the “You ain’t no Rachel” comment

-Finn made his famous confused face many times

-How far away is Washington from Ohio? Mr. Shue is back and forth like it ain’t nothin
-Brittany needs to grow some eyebrows.
-Finn I appreciate your speech but the marching band needs members too Finn! Prob more than the Glee Club
-Lipchap locker was genius.

-Brittany is just a man to me

-Unique got more play when she was in Vocal Adrenaline

-OH RYDER CAN PLAY BASKETBALL HAVE YOU EVER FREAKING SEEN EYE OF THE TIGER?!?!?!

Next week’s episode:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYFD7UgwdMk

Everyone brush up on Love Actually before it airs! Christmas/End of the World reeeee! And return of Terri Shuester and Burt Hummel hollllla!