“DONT YOU ALL LOVE
IT??? I'm here to stay!!” –Gary Busey, speaking on behalf of me; in reference
to this alleged “blog” that I am now committing to through at least the end of
today.
WEEK 2 was full of
twos: Two dances, two nights of live episodes, two female judges, two hosts,
two reasons (ladies and the drinks), two
Houghs, two Ukranians, two chainz, and two eliminations!!!
THE BRAND NEW THEME
THIS WEEK WAS HOMETOWN GLORY or as I like to call it Hometown BORING. Adele was not mentioned at all and her new
album was still nowhere to be found…
Monday Night Dances revolved around the hometown of the stars. In the words of his holiness King
Curtis, “I don't LIKE this
crap!”
Tuesday Night Dances were all about PRO’s and their hometowns
aka the real celebrities on this show.
The week opened up
with a group number to “I
Lived", which was a very obvious homage to Glee, because they know that I am
a follower of both shows and needed this opportunity to tell those of you who
haven’t finished the series that it is your duty to do so! Glee tribute aside, the clear cut choice for an opening number was “Home” by Phillip Phillips
but I guess they don’t want to be too blatant about the fact that they stole
this week's theme from American
Idol. & the Bachelor ie Hometown Dates.
Even better idea: A
full season of Dancing with the Stars with only former American Idol
contestants as stars. (Clay Aiken and Karina, Carrie Underwood and Derek, Jennifer Hudson and Val,
Nikki McKibbin and Mark Ballas. Jennifer Lopez takes Julianne’s place as judge)
Two dances in the
second week. This will not end well… for me because I can only type but so much
so my recapping of night 2 is lacking factual accuracies and scores.
COUPLES RECAP!
# 1 Nick Carter
(yes, THE Nick Carter) and Sharna
Star’s Story: Jive of the Tampa Bugle Boy of
Company B = 21 out of 30
Thots: In the video
package Nick threw shade at his parents by saying he had a rough childhood and
then dedicated his dance to his old teacher. Good dance but needs to tighten up
if he is going to win. He slipped
up apparently but I didn’t even notice at first because his boy band slide was so
thoroughbred. But the judges and Erin wouldn’t let it go! A bunch of haters! I need
Len.
***Was this theme
was created for Nick because someone at DWTS saw the BSB documentary and knew
he had a hometown story ready? (Go watch Going Clear first then BSB Doc on
Netflix)
Pro Day 2: Sharna is from Australia. They slayed.
Still didn’t get the scores they deserved.
***BREAKING NEWS: Erin
Andrews’ streak to remind everyone that she knows about sports is
now two weeks strong!***
#2 Paula Dean and
Louie
Star’s Story: This Says It All = 19 out of 30
Thots: Oh Louie and
Paula. Louie was dressed like Goldmember, maybe to distract from the fact that
all Paula did was take a few steps to the right, then cross-step and spin
slowly. Many props to her silver hair though. The judges praised her, which was
so confusing considering how much they dissed Nick 2 minutes before. I'm done
with Paula unless she changes her last name to Abdul and stumbles around the ballroom
with a glass of vodka.
Another 1 for you
on this fine Wednesday: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkM8hQESrP0
Pro Day: “There are a lot of similarities
between Savannah and Amsterdam” –Louie “Yeah, racists.”-@so_grool
#3 Hayes and
Emma
Star’s Story: North
Carolina actually produced something pleasing to the senses = 20 out of 30
Thots: So many…
1) It is becoming
very clear that DWTS has no idea what a Vine is.
2) Hayes has a hot mom. And he hit us
with the "don't cry, Mom" ughhhh it’s just emotions takin me
over. The next Biebs let’s get him in vocal lessons pronto.
3) Emma interpreted
“country” as wearing a European Racing suit.
4) Carrie Ann
called Hayes a "young Tom Cruise in Risky Business" and David Miscavige’s Tom
Cruise radar just picked up a frequency and is now courting Hayes as his new
Thetan.
5) Erin Andrews was
ready and waiting with a sexist question about his Mom’s cooking abilities. When
my future son becomes a Vine star and Erin Andrews asks him what did your mom
cook for you last night he is going to laugh heartily and say “we went out to
eat, woman!"
Pro Day: For some
reason I always thought Emma was Australian.
#Confessionsofatwentysomethingdramaqueen
#4 Chaka and Keo
Star’s Story: Chaka Khan perfectly shades the
interviewer for asking how the song “Chicago” relates to her hometown of Chicago
=15 out of 30
Thots: She is so
much cuter than Paula Dean, although just as immobile. Keo was not gonna
let her ruin the moment for him so he flung her to and fro for the length of
the song.
Spoiler alert: No
Pro Day for Keo … would’ve loved to
learn more about him. Poor poor Keo, we barely knew ye.
#5 Andy Grammer and
Allison
Star’s Story: Welcome to
New York and Glee
Reference #2 = 21 out of 30
Thots: This couple
is perfectly matched due to their lack of personalities. Andy danced to his own beat literally
but somehow got the same score as NICK CARTER??? No respect for the Carter family.
Pro Day: Just a missed
opportunity all around…Andy’s agent needs to learn about cross promotion https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=REHfRCYvie8
#6 Kim Zolciak and
Tony
Star’s Story: Reppin Atlanta in a song that
has nothing to do with any type of hometown = 19 out of
30
Thots: Kim was high
as a kite last week but this week she is doing so well!!! Go Kim!!!
Alas, her bad attitude
will be her demise.
Pro Day: Tony has been through a lot and has
the right to sass the judges. #TeamChmerkovskiy
# 7 Alex and
Lindsay
Star’s Story: Alex is
from Sacramento and still doesn’t know why he is here now, and not in
Sacramento with all of his friends = 23 out of 30
Thots: Too obvious Glee Connection # 3 with Don't Stop Believin oh and one more but the connection
with Sacramento is obvious to no one. It’s sad that Lindsay also has little to no personality
but the girl’s got smarts! Filled that dance with 90% lifts and Alex did 4 counts of actual
dance moves. Alex does not give one care. Not one! Not one at all. He’s like,
"can I go now?"
Pro Day: Lindsay
(unlike Keo) has learned how to get ahead in this game: pandering for votes. AMERICAN.
Big ole flag in the background + terrorist thwarter = votes.
# 8 Alexa and Mark
Star Story: Someone else
admitted that they are from Florida = 24 out of 30
Thots: How many
times will we start a Mark Ballas segment with "Mark had this crazy
idea"? So many issues. First, why
is she not in heels for a Salsa. Why is Mark wearing a bandana and leather
vest. I just can't support this. Points
off for no heels.
Pro Day: Mark’s parents were Champions del
Mundo and he grew up in England And now you know. I
thought they did very well on Night 2. :::CRINGE:::
#9 Victor and
Karina
Star Story: Victor
moved around to one of Senora Southall’s favorite tunes, La Bamba in honor of
his hometown in Mexico = 17 out of 30
Thots: There is no
way he is better than Kim Zolciak but KARINA COMMITS LIKE NO ONE IN THE WORLD (except
Peta) & has completely committed to becoming the lifter in this
partnership. Picking him up like a baby. Several awkward sexual moments prompted
comments like “OMG he ate the booty like groceries.” from the peanut gallery.
Pro Day: FEMALES ARE STRONG AS HELL.
It’s a miracle that Karina didn’t catapult Victor’s tiny body across the
ballroom during that scarf/weight displacement exercise.
#10 Tamar and
Val
Star Story: Tamar is
from Maryland???? = 24 out of 30
Thots: Tamar is so hot and awesome I
love her. I love her. I want her to win. Barely even looking at
Val who is perfection. I also love Val. Naming my first born after him. (And
other famous Vals you may have heard of) I'm so happy that I've found him in this
lifetime. I feel like Julianne has been condescending to Tamar and it still
makes no sense to me that she sits in the middle #Justice4Bruno (and
another Glee reference for the real fans!)
Pro Day: Val talked about New York and they
did the best dance of the season so far. They got my vote! Val going for the
repeat win this season!
#11 Gary and Anna
Star Story: A Nightmare
Dressed as Nightmare from Oklahoma. =18 out of 30
Thots: The flashback
photos of Gary proved he has looked like a killer since adolescence. The song
“Wouldn’t it be Nice” was actually like a horror movie where really happy music
plays while someone is getting murdered. There is no way we should have to
watch this. There are people out here actually dancing. Carrie Ann spoke for us
all: “You’re scaring me".
Pro Day: Anna is Russian, but let’s talk
more about Gary. In between the judges’ comments he yelled out “What?” and
“What did she say?”
#12 Carlos and
Witney
Star’s Story: Carlos is
from Missouri and his Dad wants him to crush his wife= 24 out
of 30
Thots: I Love Witney, she is
new it girl. BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!! FLAWLESS! Carrie Ann tried to compliment
them but got caught up in the classic: eloquent or elegant debate. Carlos
really wants to learn and I love him! Leave your lover, leave her for me.
Pro Day: I love Witney’s story! She is from
Utah and she has been dancing with Lindsay (pro) and Jenna (Troupe) since they
were 9. Although she is the Beyonce of the group ((if you can't figure it out
Lindsay is Kelly and Jenna is Michelle) she loves them and honored them in
her hometown dance!! Awwww. And I think the dance was good. There were some
comments about squatting but no estoy recuerdo.
#12 Derek and
Bindi
Star’s Story: Bindi is an
adorable Aussie rocker chick = 25 out of 30
Thots: So glad Derek is
dancing again! Not sure if Bindi is good enough to take this where it needs to
go but if anyone can get her to the
promised land it’s Derek.
Pro Day: Derek lived
in England too? They did a beautiful dance, he is perfect. The
brother/sister judging thing is still a conflict of interest Julianne needs to
recuse herself.
YOU ARE THE WEAKEST
LINK GOODBYE TO…..
Eliminated Couple 1: Chaka and Keo. KEO NEVER HAD A CHANCE! He is so over this!!
He is about to tear up the backstage area once the
cameras stop rolling.
Eliminated Couple 2: Karina and Victor. Karina looks off
in the distance and thinks back to all of the subtle things she could have done
to make Corbin more
appealing to the voters oh so many seasons ago.
Even more thots:
-Val and Derek are
in another stratosphere
-I miss Len! So
much. I need his serious comments.
- Found out today
that Erin Andrews is 37. So much hope for my second coming.
- Did anyone else
notice the “coming up clips” never actually being shown? 1) When Tony said he “doesn’t
like to talk about this…” and 2) When Karina kicked over a camera guy? Please
tell me I didn’t miss her kicking him over.
- Derek never did
care about the lift police. F the police
- One of the best
moments of the whole week: Gary shouts “DEREK HEY!!!” right in the middle of
getting critiques from the judges because he sees Derek standing across the
room.
Quotes of the week
"I love how no
one picks Mark on principle" – Magatha Klee on our DWTS Draft.
Congrats Kayla on the victory.
“I like to walk on
the edge, it’s one of my hobbies”- Gary Bussey”
“She looks like a
sad excuse for Zenon Girl of the 21st century”- Kate on Julianne’s
outfit from the future on Night 2
Next Week Alfonso
is back!! I think he will be so amazing I hope he gives Witney all 10s!
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