This is me… then…supporting the arts via psychotic blogging
"and it all starts... RIGHT NOW" -Seacrest (2015) #DearBen
After being accosted with 50+ Dancing with the Stars group texts
while I coached my heart out at Monday night practice, I knew it was time to
Bring Back the Blog. How many shows are on their 21st season and still getting
better and better? Only 2. DWTS and General Hospital
#KellyMonaco&Val4everrrrrrrrr.
It’s been pretty hard to cope since magician Chris Harrison and
his tequila tears have
left our Monday night lineup but NOW we get to watch Tom Bergeron in all of his glory as he comes up with one liners that simultaneously mock and praise this amazing world of Mirrors and Balls. One of my
life goals is to be an ABC insider who splits my time between Paradise and The
Ballroom (actual locations) as an advisor and critic of the contestants. (KIRK
WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO CARLY WHY WHY WHY)
THE SHOW HAS STARTED.
- Best opening sequence! Derek is a God hurry up with his damn
croissant. Fresh spray tan and feet.
- Tom Bergeron announces that one of the celebs is an Academy
Award nominee. Who tf is an Academy Award nominee on this show!??!?!
Farfetched. Is Matthew Mcconaughey competing? Or James Franco, he'll try anything. Work
on that for next season, ABC.
- I wish Maks
was head judge.
- Why is Julianne the center judge and how mad is Carrie Ann
right now. Go Caps though C A P S annnnnd Julianne makes an unintentional dick
joke within the first 5 minutes! Len is somewhere across the pond being humiliated.
*******Couples
Recap!*******
Here is how I decide if I like the couples or nah
a)
Is the star really a star (in my world of
reality TV and boy bands)
b)
Is their behind-the-scenes footage entertaining (romance? conflict? great friendship?)
c)
How good is their pro (Derek/Witney vs. Mark/Lindsay no offense Lindsay)
d) Does the star dance well?
e)
Do they support Donald Trump (Gary Busey you
are fired get outta here!)
Couple
# 1 :
Karina & Victor! who in no way should qualify as a
celebrity on this show but somehow Karina has to struggle through this season
with him for our entertainment
Week 1 in a Ramble: Victor
looks like Karina's nephew. All I could think about.
Score: 15/30
My reaction: NEXT!
Couple # 2
REIGNING CHAMP VAL
CHMERKOVSKY YASSSS YOU DID IT
YOU DID IT and Tamar Braxton! Zero to hero I hope she wins! But also
Nick… so excited.
Week 1 in a Ramble: Val
is such a celeb now! I love the Tamar and Val dynamic and her personality but
I'm sitting here wondering what kind of dance experience Tamar has... this is
spicious. Adrienne Bailon
had the nerve to show her face in the ballroom knowing this is Rob Kardashian's
territory!!! Insensitive af #TeamRob
Score: 23/30
My reaction: #TeamValentay
let’s get her to the final
In
other news.
***OMG KYM JOHNSON CAN I GET A ROBERT AND KYM UPDATE**
***They recruited some hot troupe members***
Couple #3
Keo and Chaka! Chaka = extremely famous
Week 1 in a Ramble: Keo
is so ridiculously handsome and I hate whoever did him dirty again this
season. Keo dances his heart out as Chaka Khan freestyles. "That was
my groove in high school," – so shady Carrie Ann.
Score: 13/30
My reaction: THEY HIT
HER WITH THE 4S!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOURS THOUGH???? Have my eyes ever seen a 4?
Couple #4
Emma and Hayes
Grier (who?)
Week 1 in a Ramble: Oh,
I think that I found myself a teenager. "Hayes Grier, Vine
Star" is doing this show to get dance moves for prom. Wait, I want
Hayes and Emma to fall in love? But wait he is the cutest! Our DWTS group text
spoke out against Carrie Ann's creepiness but I feel exactly the same emotions
towards this manboy. OMG HIS T-REX I AM IN LOVE. Emma will definitely have to
fight her demons this season to stay out of jail.
Score: 21/30
My reaction: I
give him a perfect score on the adorable scale.
Couple #5
Allison and Andy
Grammer (legit famous)
Week 1 in a Ramble: A
fan of his singing and song catalog! & have seen him live, amazing singer
and now we learn an amazing squinter. He is at an appropriate level of dance
experience. Nothing fishy going on here.
Score: 21/30
My reaction: So
what
Couple #6
Louis and Paula
Dean (Famous AF)
Week 1 in a Ramble: "Probably
most known for cookin" but more recently known for being racist people
don't forget! She did her old lady shuffle better than Chaka
and then she basically lost all class and sanity with the poop on underwear
comment.
Score: 15/30
Reaction: Always on
the lookout for the next Kirstie Alley but I don’t think she is going to PAN
out. (Cooking pun)
Couple #7
Witney and Carlos no idea why he is considered to be a star
Week 1 in a Ramble: Witney
you better choreograph and serve hunny. AMAZING! I like the married
couple thing.
Score: 23/30
Reaction: Hoping these
"Big Time Rush" fans do a better job than when the last one was on!
Forgot his name, too lazy to google.
Couple #8
Mark and Alexa SPY
KIDS OR DIE
Week 1 in a Ramble: Ugh.
Marks looks like he isn't trying... always giving people choreography that
doesn't look good on them.
Score: 22/30
Reaction: Good
luck beating Witney with that partner of yours
Couple #9
Tony and Kim (SO FAMOUS. PEAK REALITY STAR)
Week 1 in a Ramble: Showing
a lot of restraint by not inserting every single Kim Zolciak clip have playing
in my head right now. Kim gets my support although she looked like she was
dancing while sleeping. She wasn't worse than Chaka though... maybe Nene needs
to come in and give her tips
Score: 12/30
My Reaction: OUCH!
Undeserved. There's a tightrope between me and you Kim.
Couple #10
Derek and Bindi... who is the celebrity in this couple
Week 1 in a Ramble: Derek's
got the magic touch. Period. She is adorable. God I love Derek so much. It
really hurts to watch him dip her with such care and passion...
Score: 24/30
My Reaction: Everyone
in our draft failed to give Derek the respect he deserves and here we all are
with egg on our faces.
Couple #11
Anna and Gary
who is SO FAMOUS I MEAN CELEBRITY
REHAB ANYONE
Week 1 in a Ramble: Hold
on... Gary Busey was nominated for a Oscar. Poor Anna. Unbeknownst
to her this is going to end terribly and she should hire bodyguards around the
clock. Utterly crazy, please don't let this be the Season 21 version of the old
white man who makes it to top 4.
Score: 15/30
My reaction: 6
is the double trinity so there's that.
Couple
#12
Lindsay and Alex (not even close to being famous... perhaps the most
random selection in the history of DWTS)
Week 1 in a Ramble: Lindsay
and Alex look like siblings. Snore. Bai. "One of the best dances of the
night???" Here we go again. But I love that he took down an evil-doer without
using a gun how about that
Score: 22/30
My reaction: Never
cared.
Couple #13
Sharna and Nick!! THE MOST FAMOUS I really cannot believe they bagged
NICK FREAKIN CARTER
Week 1 in a Nutshell: I
DONT LIKE IT, I LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT. Buttttt brought out the BSB choreo too
early in the season. Sharna put your foot down when he has ideas, dance is not
his thing yet.
Score: 24/30
My reaction: 10s across
the board. FRONT RUNNER!!!
THIS COMPETITION IS FIEEEERRRRRRCE. Best show.
Bonus
feature: Can you match the quote to the performance?
“I need to do something to get in the news and then casted”
“The man bun game is over” Brittany Traeger
“Why did I ever doubt Derek”
“I’m grossed out”
“He’s definitely murdered someone”
--
End scene.
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