These Hoes Aint Loyal and other tunes

#GLEEISBACK let’s get this trending worldwide people!!!!

So it’s been like 3 months see we have seen a new Glee episode, even the last new Glee episode was a fake throwback to a 2 year old Christmas special, and then they announced that everyone is moving to NY, the 100^th episode is coming back, so it’s hard to even understand the context of this new episode, or care about what is happening with Seniors who should have graduated a full year ago because they made it to Regionals last April. But as always, we are gonna roll with it.

Public Service Announcement: Every 5 minutes, someone in the United States stops watching or caring about Glee.

So as 3 of you know, half of Glee is spent in New York, where the cast members are more talented singers, attractive and loved by Ryan Murphy. Last we heard, Rachel Berry got the lead role in Funny Girl, and Santana did a Yeast Infection commercial, so in the meantime Santana has gotten a little down on herself in comparison to RB. Rachel took pity on Satan and offered her a background modeling job at her photo shoot, thus starting the beginning bubbles of a brewing controversy.  (Alliteration ever heard of it.) At this point I had seen the preview of Rachel slapping Santana about 75 times so I’m like get on with it already. When Rachel mentions Funny Girl is auditioning girls for her understudy, Santana gets that evil glimmer in her eye… color me surprised color me mine #troutymouth why aren’t you in this episode at all.

PUTT PUTT TRAVELS THROUGH TIME…

Back in Lima, Ohio, a place known not only for its smalltown charm but also for producing some of Broadway’s most talented singers, the longest Spring semester of all time is finally coming to a close. Tina and Artie, former lovers and current Tuesday lunch buddies, are both tied for Salutatorian and must battle it out for Valedictorian. Who knew Tina was smart, and also that they both had perfect attendance, “unlike some members of the glee club who come and go for months at a time with no explanation.” (Sylvester, 2014) So the war for Valedictorian is on and the second frenemy pairing is born!

In order to settle this, Principal Sue decides to have them both make speeches, with the person writing best speech winning Valedictorian. Not exactly fair- they should probably have to take a test or just share the title, but as someone who has sat through more graduations than should be legal I am all for spicing up a graduation.

Of course, Tina wants Artie to drop out of the race because she is always getting shat on by everyone and needs the award to get off of the Brown University waitlist. But Artie is like BITCH WHAAAA you just won prom queen and also you are a horrible person.

Because Mr. Shue is oblivious to everything, he decides to stir the pot even more and have everyone besides Blaine audition for the second solo at Nationals. (SIDENOTE: Blaine gets a solo!! Reeee!!) Tina and Artie volunteer but what about Marley doe? Glee just acting like Marley, Jake, Ryder and Kitty are ghosts haunting the choir room. So Tina and Artie “sing-off” to a song that actually makes sense for once as Tina is “Never Gonna get it” that she needs to just cease all thoughts, words and actions. AND THEN toward the end of the number, Tina “accidentally” pushed Artie out of his wheelchair. DA DAMN Kitty shoulda slapped dat ho.

So fast forward a few scenes- at some point, Tina and Artie buried the hatchet and became friends again, because when they delivered their speeches to Figgins, Shue, Beiste and Sue, they just deferred to each other. And in a stroke of genius, Sue decided that since they didn’t want to beat each other, the 3^rd highest GPA would pass them both and hallelujah holla back Blaine Anderson was named Valedictorian. SUCK ON THAT! AYAYAYAY!

So Frenemy Battle #1 has been decided, with Blaine coming atcha like a Dark Horse but being the clear winner.

Kurt Hummel also found his way into this plot idea by becoming frenemies with Starlight Lambert, who he thinks is trying to take over their band and become the Star.  He devises a plan to get to know him and pretend to be his friend so that he can figure out his motives/take him out/lock in inside his trunk and drive him to the desert and leave him there to die. So like frenemies often do, Kurt and Elliot spend a day together eating cucumber sandwiches and participating in a theatrical, hilarious number at a local guitar shop. Elliot lets Kurt know that he just wants to be in a band with kewl peeps, and Frenemy Battle #2 is over in a blink of an eye.

Soooo back to the Battle Royale between Rachel and Santana.

Santana Lopez has the NERVE to show up at the auditions for Rachel’s understudy in Funny Girl. She shows up 1) without telling Rachel and 2) auditions with none other than Rachel’s defining song “Don’t Rain on my Parade,” complete with 3) stolen choreography and 4) a short tight fittin right dress that I would steal if I was that skinny. THE AUDACITY. THE UNMITIGATED GALL.  So obviously Rachel is furious, as she should be, and Santana claps back right at her ass, saying that Rachel is just mad because of their high school drama that she never let go. They go back and forth hurling insults until Rachel gets revenge from that time Santana slapped her man Finn (RIP), and laid a nice forehand on Santana’s beautiful face. For as bout it bout it as Santana is supposed to be she surely just stood there. But Rachel was fed up, so she packed up all of her shit and then only took one bag and moved out!

Gee willuckers with Frens like this who needs anemones ya know?

Overall Grade for the Episode: B+

Any episode without Trouty Mouth heavily featured is going to get downgraded, and some of the song choices were questionable. But overall I thought it was funny and I just like Glee ok!

Favorite Performance of the Episode

Brave performed by Rachel and Santana. Boring choice I know but I can’t bring myself to pick a Tina song. Context of the performance was that Santana was trying to get up the nerve to be a bitch and steal her friend’s joy. Santana was looking so fierce and Rachel was killing them poses- Cassandra July taught you well. They sounded amazing.

Least Favorite Performance of the Episode:

Every Breath you take performed by Rachel and Santana. Always found this song to be utterly creepy and then I’m thinking of Puffy in a spacesuit and Rachel looking at Santana with a side-eye. It was just weird, unnecessary and BORRRRING as Becky would yell.

Favorite Moment(s) of the Episode

Two very well-placed Tina insults:

“Absolutely no one’s favorite New Direction Tina Cohen Chang” -Sue

“Actually Tina, YOU’RE McKinley’s Biggest bitch.”- Artie

Other Thoughts:

-Does Big Sean watch Glee?

-Flimsy segue after flimsy segue what else is new
-I know Kevin Mchale is sick of this corny singing in the auditorium shit
-Seeing Blaine on screen makes me very happy

-How are the top 3 students in the senior class all members of the Glee club

-When I create a Buzzfeed article about the 25 things that Glee started but didn’t finish, make sure I don’t leave out the time Becky shows Blaine a selfie of Kurt and Starchild kissing and nothing came of it
-On that same note what is going on with Jake/Marley/Ryder's love triangle
-And where is Bre the evil head cheerleader? 

American Idol Sub-blog

10 things I am loving about this season:

1.    Ryan Seacrest. I think it goes God, Oprah, Beyonce, Ryan Seacrest,

2.    Harry and Keith’s love for each other and music

3.    Jennifer Lopez’s goddess-like appearance at every turn and every angle

4.    The chamber (of secrets)

5.    There is no Lazaro or Sanjaya type contestant that will haunt me in the coming weeks

6.    Jena, Emily and CJ are my favorites

7.    This season has caused me to youtube like every single American Idol contestant ever and their whole history on the show (See: Haley Reinhart)

8.    The Voice will never be American Idol

9.    Still get to see Randy without really being forced to listen to him

10.It can only go up from last season and now we don’t have to listen to Mariah Carey talk about how great she is dahling.

I could do without so many identical white boys with guitars doe.
For those of you who don't watch American Idol I pity you. I really do. #idolgivesback #dawgpound 

Vurry Kitty Purry, Everybody Knows I’m a MotherMonster, #DancingWitMiley & Billy Joel Cyrus

Why are my Glee blogs so hard to write these dayzzzz? #forcingit  Would anyone care if I stopped writing?  Whatever I don’t care about you people, muhfuckaz neva luvd us.

If you are a fair weather Glee fan and haven’t caught up on this season yet, I don’t know what you are thinking bout.  This season is Gone with the Wind Fabulous and since I am so behind on my Glee blogs I am going to catch everyone up on the last 3 episodes whether you like it or not. If you are never going to watch then Beth what can I do? Just read along and pretend:

These 3 episodes were all inspired by/tributes to caucasian musicians…

Episode Numba 1 that I’m recapping: A Katy or a Gaga

Episode Number 2 dat I will also be summarizing: The End of Twerk

Last One: Movin’ Out, Billy Joel Tribute

So we kicked off post-Finn but pre- Nationals, because again it is around April 2013 and the flowers are in full bloom… So let’s just imagine you need to know what everyone’s been up to... in the most sensical, non-rambling, organized way possible.

Yeah right, this is stream of consciousness at its finest. HERE TIS!

1. Mr Shue and New Directions

Ok so ICYMI, Mr. Shue is the coach of the Glee Club, or the supervisor.. or the chaperone. Not sure of the nomenclature. So Shue revealed the Glee’s club main competitors for Nationals which was leaked through the Silk Road and their biggest threat this year is no longer Vocal Adrenaline but a group called Throat Explosion which has to be one of the best show choir names they have come up with so far. Much better than ‘New Directions’ come on now. Upon hearing this news, everyone freaked out, and Tina let out a blood curdling scream leaving us to assume that the blood on the leaves prom episode didn’t do much to calm her dramatics. The New Directions felt threatened by Throat Explosion because they embody their weirdo outcast thing...anyway Mr. Shue had one of his only good ideas of the series, and instructed everyone to embrace the wild and tame sides of life by dividing themselves into angels (KP) and devils (Gaga). The Gagas were: Jake, (anger problem, hips that never lie) Tina, (gothic stage, used to have a fake studder, and the blood all over her prom dress thing) Unique, (Gender bender inc.) and Kitty (uses a whip during performances). Katy Perrys for boring reasons are Marley, Ryder, Artie, Sam, and Blainnne who didn’t get nearly enough shine this episode. So the challenge is for each group to do a song by the opposite artist, you get it.

The next lesson that Mr. Shue decided to teach was about twerking of course because I called this shit months ago and I am Gleenon, Prophet of the 21^st Century. This became a Glee Club theme of the week because the New Directions need to “edge up their image” for Nationals.

…Twerking ain’t new, someone re-branded hump dancing in the year 2013 and Miley Cyrus made it an even bigger more annoying white girl thing. We were "twerking" at middle school dances the early 2000’s but we called it backing that ass up… people are always trying to make fetch happen aren’t they? SHUT UP WORLD, shut up Mr. Shue.

Sue also wanted Shue to shut up and swore to ban twerking, which made the Glee Club even more determined to BLUR THE LINES chicka chicka yeah and then Sue tried to get Mr. Shue fired, but to save his skin Mr. Shue made a presentation to the school board, including the head of the school board TED of I FUCKED TED Fame. Mr. Shue went through all of the dances that used to be forbidden and predicted that twerking would become something that we are all used to one day… let’s hope not. Am I a grumpy old grandma for wanting people to stop twerking… are you still reading this blog???? So many unanswered questions.

2. Sue

So thats brings us to Sue, who is back at it again, just being rude for fanfares sake. Overall she was annoyed by Glee Club, and worked with my girl Bre (Bad Bitch Alert) to wreak havoc.

Sue instructed Bre Bre to break up Jake and Marley, because being a good principal always involves meddling in 15 year old love lives.  I wrote down that Sue dropped a Drake reference… REMEMBER?  NOPE. Hold my phone.  She suspended the whole Glee Club for wearing freaky Perry/Gaga outfits but in traditional Glee fashion all was forgotten the next week.

Sue also organized a career fair, where she took the opportunity to highlight that there is no such thing as a career in the arts. TELL THAT TO DEREK HOUGH AM I RIGHT YALL. Angel sent down straight from heaven omg if I had one wish like Ray J it would be to dance with Derek Hough at my wedding.

Anyway, just like Kanye warned us, haters always trying to stifle the creative! Sue was only doing it because she was scared of her own dreams probably! Direct quote, add an autotune to it, Yeezus out. Ok moving on..

3. SAM EVANS

Sam tried to get with Penny the school nurse again, who confused Sam by telling him she had a musical dark side. Honestly this story was so stupid but Sam got to talk a lot and rant about True Jackson VP so it was so more than worth it. Penny was being a dumb bitch and tried to reject Sam but of course she fell prey to his trouty mouth. But is a school nurse allowed to date a student?

So after that was settled, Sam tried to figure out his future-  his options included applying for Hunter College, becoming a stripper, or a model. I think. He had an interview with Hunter College… okay I have this whole line by line recap of his dialogue over the last 3 episodes but I could never do it justice. GO BACK AND WATCH THESE EPISODES, SAM WAS SO TOP NOTCH. But seriously, why can guys go shirtless on the beach and chicks can't?

He then focuses on the modeling dream, oh by the way this is all in NEW YORK CITY YALL. Hanging with Kurt, Rachel, Santana and Tyra Banks as a modeling agent. IT’S FUCKING TYRA TIME I can't even imagine Tyra preparing for this role, all i can think about is how many Vines did she make while getting ready for this. 2013 Update: She is a horrible actress but shine bright, shine far, don't be shy, be a star! She pressured Sam to lose weight, so he went on a Mentos and flavored air diet until Kurt, Santana and Rachel convinced him not to by singing a Billy Joel song. During this performance there were a lot of moments between Sam and Rachel… hmmmm interesting, always liked them as a couple…. Too soon? WHAT ABOUT PEGGY THE SCHOOL NURSE, SAM?!?!? Ummm and yeah Sam should definitely be a model, looking so fierce as a cowboy, business man, nerd, naked guy, DAMN! Damn!

4. BLAINE

Blaine is perfect. Over the last 3 episodes he was also thinking about his future, and went to New York audition for NYADA and look at other colleges. He apparently auditioned and it went well, but we did not get to see it or Whoopi… sometimes life’s not fair. He sang many Billy Joel songs, they were great, he is FLAWLESS and the emotion he puts into songs is just outrageously perfect. If you want more details just watch the show dammit.

5. BECKY

Sigh… I regret to even include this but here it is for all you Becky fans out there…Becky the Becretary was being BUCKWILD this whole time, Artie convinced her to look at colleges…ummm how the hell is Becky back in school, didn’t she shoot off a gun in school?

Anyway, Sue didn’t want to let her go, she was really protective and cute and asked all the right motherly questions like IS THERE WIFI ON CAMPUS???? SUE WTF DO YOU THINK?? Anyway, looks like Becky is going to college! It was cute ok??!?

6. UNIQUE

Used the wrong bathroom, caused a gender riot, actually had a great performance. My one comment is that Unique got all in a huff because some bullies threw her wig in the toilet. Seriously all they did was through your wig into the toilet, Kurt’s like was basically threatened and Rachel got an egg to the forehead so relax.

7. MARLEY AND JAKE

OK THIS IS WHERE IT GETS JUICY COUTURE VELOUR PANTS PEOPLE. So as we all know Marley and Jake have been the cutest couple ever for like a whole year now. He is a bad boy turned good, she is a good girl turned gooder. Marley is an uber Katy Perry (Mom worship, kittens, lollipops) and Jake is a Gaga, Rihanna, Bobby Brown etc. So while Bre was sitting back waiting to pounce, Jake and Marley were having issues because Jake wanted to go all the way, and Marley did not. They argued about it and it was so real, and then Jake ran straight to Bre to “help her choreograph” aka proposition her to have immediate sex with him.

So Jake and Bre got it on- I’m actually cool with this development, I think it all makes sense, except for the fact that it all unfolded so quickly. Apparently it wasn’t just a one time thing either! Wtf is wrong with Jake though? He needs it and he needs it now.

Bre continued to behave in a vicious manner and just flat out told Marley what was up!! LAWDDDD and then Marley came in like a wrecking ball and confronted Jake. All she wanted to do was break his walls and all he ever did was wreck her.

Then Jake tried to apologize and even left her flowers in her locker, but Marley wasn’t having it… which like bitch u better take his fine ass back… but she didn’t, which led Jake to embrace the man that he has become. He started pumping IRON while being a bad ass singer breaking out into song like his big bro woulda done while dancing around and singing about being left alone.  

Meanwhile, Marley sought out advice from her cafeteria lady mom, who advised her to hold out for a good guy- someone you can trust. PREACH CAF MOM. And it seems as though she still loves Jake but is glad she didn’t give him her V Card because he seems to be some sort of sex addict and is getting it in all over town.

…AND RYDER (8)

Ryder began by trying to talk sense into Jake about Marley, but ended in a full-court press on his BFF’s girl! (aka his real-life fiancé.. awwwwwwwww)

He asked Marley out and she rejected him while standing in front of a bunch of mirrors, but then he sang a Billy Joel song to her and asked her out again and she said yes. Up to this point I loved Ryder, except, what was he wearing during that performance, let me describe it… a salmon surfer shirt with an unbuttoned collar shirt with conflicting stripes. Anyways, Ryder and Marls went out on a date off-screen and when it was over Ryder committed one of the Top 10 Oh-No-No's and posted an effing INSTAGRAM recap photo of the date, complete with pink hearts drawn on that bish.

OK RYDER DOOD, Jake is your best friend I thought? And you are doing it wrong, every girl wants a guy who is a challenge and you ain’t it right now. But we will see how this unfolds! TRIANGLE IS BACK.

::::::NEW YORK CREW:::::

9. KURT

Kurt wanted to start a mainstream band that appealed to a mass audience. Makes no sense to start a band- when is the last time a band hit it big. Oh I guess One Direction- but they are teenage heartthrobs…anyway Kurt enlisted Demi and Santana to help- Rachel was understandably too sad about Finn to participate. He held auditions and the only person who auditioned was Adam Lambert who clearly lives for the applause and all of a sudden we were in a room filled with a cornucopia of Fox cross promotion (Glee, X factor, Idol) and Adam Lambert was hanging from a chandelier. Kurt rejected him for being too fabulous but Rachel talked sense into him and reminded him to let his freak flag fly! So now they have a pretty solid mixed gender group band going on holla!

10. RACHEL BARBARA BERRY
Love Rachel, she worked on her Funny Girl role a lot, and I wish that Brody was cast opposite because damn I miss him he was so wonderful.  She got a fake haircut and a fake tattoo, but turns out it was a real tattoo of Finn’s name. As soon as she walked into the bathroom to look at her tattoo I started sobbing. I am glad that are not behaving like Finn never existed. Rachel is fierce she will prevail!

11. SANTANA

Of course Santana came out of the woodwork several times looking and sounding flawless, these cast members are just the shit.. I wish Finn was here. Really sad.

Overall Grade for A Katy or A Gaga Episode: A

Overall Grade for The End of Twerk: A-

Overall Grade for Movin’ Out: A

NOTEWORTHY PERFORMANCES:

1. Applause- For Sam’s hilarious intro video alone, Blaine was unrecognizable in his get-up, also I didn’t know that Gaga was spelling applause in the song. The more you know about Target the more you know.

2. Roar- No clothes on, Rope swing, Get it demi, Artie swinging in wheelchair.

3. Blurred Lines- Mr Shue hitting the falsetto, not about date rape don’t fucking get me started

4. My Life- Jack Puckerman don’t let the haters stop you from doing yo thang

Unncessary Musical Numbers:

1. Honesty- Artie sang this to Becky a song… and this is where we go to classic Glee where they had a song they wanted to do and so they made up the dumbest shit ever to fit it in. I imagine when they were shooting this the crew members weren't even paying attention they were on their phones texting and sending snap chats like "Im so bored.” Artie sang a song to her about honesty so then he could then just explain it right after.

2. Wide Awake- One of my least favorite KP songs, so boring.

Favorite Moment of the Episode: One of the best moments of all 5 seasons was Sam’s interview with Hunter College but mostly this line: “This is a shot in the dark, do you know Mercedes Jones hahahahahhah”

Other thoughts and random stuff I want to include:

-“And while you’re out wipe your chin because there’s a butt on it”

-AMBER RILEY AND DEREK HOUGH YASSS GAGA

-“That was B.S… Before Sue”

- Shoutout to Neck Brace Girl holding it down she somehow got to stick around and Sugar Motta did not

- NENE (Coach Roz) NEEDS MORE SCREEN TIME SHE IS SITTING AROUND BORED AND GREG IS HAVING HER HELP CLEAN THE HOUSE AND IT'S MESSING UP HER ALLERGIES

- At one point Blaine and Sam hopped on a city bus and continued singing while a murderous Zack Galifinakis lookalike sat there in a hoodie.

-CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE BLAINE AS A DOCTOR OMG TOO PERFECT

-Blaine looked freakishly tan

-Ok seriously when are they graduating, it has been Spring 2013 for about 6 months now... Nationals can be that far away

Next New Episode:

Puppets… rolling my eyes. Good luck and godspeed!

Mo Beatles Mo Proms: Blood Diamondz

2^nd episode, 2^nd episode,

Took me forever to finish this blog, I was too busy sitting back eating bon bons and shutting down the government. John Beohner, ever since you came around it’s obvious you shut that thang down. You shut it down. You shut it down. Etc. I also am writing this on an Amtrak train and I can’t open Youtube so no links this week! EVERYONE CAN SUCK IT.

So anyways, Glee Season 5, episode 2. Ry Murph Loves de Beatles so we got more beatles!  And if there’s more less stuff then you might want to have some more and your parents just don’t let you because theres only a little.

Anyway, we want more we want more because we really like it we want more BEATLES and in their experimental years. Mr. Shue says not to be afraid of failure! So we will go forth, fearless.

Since it is April or May, (it is not) we are having a prom episode! Glee has no rules, and just does whatever they want whenever they want. As in the past, somehow Glee Club members are on the prom court. Prom King nominees are Blaine, Artie, some kid named Muhammed, which is the most commonly used name on Earth. Read a fucking book for once,  and my main man Stoner Brett. The fact that Blaine wasn’t all 4 nominees is despicable and undermining.

The Queen nominees were Kitty Kat, who is a sophomore and Tina Cohen Chang who is just herself. And some others, but most importantly deez 2 bishes and Tina now has her chance to be bigger than Jesus. Upon the announcement of prom nominees, Tina promptly dumps Sam as her date, who so mercifully agreed to go with her last week. Like the dumb ho that she is. Just smh.

Anyway, so we were introduced to Bre, or Bri, or Brie, or Bree, can’t decide, last week, and this week she is back up in the building to make sure that a Cheerio wins the crown in 2013. Let us all remember that the last 2 prom queens have been non-cheerio Glee Club members, and one was Jewish (Rachel, but she didn’t really win) and one was a guy.

SPOILER ALERT: Bre is the best- I loved her little rant against Kitty and she seems to be pure evil and I’M SMILING BECAUSE I LOVE IT. She yells at Kitty for not campaigning and then puts up posters everywhere with Kitty’s head on Olivia Munn’s body. When I ran for homecoming queen some of my friends made posters for me and put them up but then I LOST but we are all losers so I guess sometimes it be’s like that. Hahah. In the meantime, Tina and her lacky campaign on the following platform: “Don't be racist, vote for Tina. If you don't vote for Tina you are racist.” THE RACE IS ON!

NEW YORK CITY UPDATE:

Santana and Rache are still working at the restaurant when they where costumes and sing and dance, and Santana has her eyes on Dani/Demi Lovato. And Kurt got a job there too.

**Congrats Naya on your engagement and Drake song shout out! Way to go girl! **

Anyway, so Dantanya flirt, and Santana is scared because she has never dated a FULL ON LESBIAN, only half lesbos like her once true love Brittany S. Pierce. The mention of Brittany made me blink 5 times in a row. Demi and Santana are the cutest little couple ever, they sing “Here Comes the Sun” AS THE SUN COMES UP I mean you can’t take a Beatles song any more literally than that. ADORABLE.

In case you forgot, Kurt, Santana and Rachel are in New York trying to make it in the biz of show. Last week Rachel assumed that she wasn’t going to get the Funny Girl role, and this week she was knocked down to an even lower peg of loserdom when she found out that Santana got her first commercial deal.

OK that yeast commercial was quite possibly the best thing that has Glee has ever come up with. Hooray for comedy. @so_grool, go watch it now.

So Rachel tries not to be bitter about her friend’s successful yeast commercial, and while volunteering for the annual piano tuning workshop (???) Kurt gives her a pep talk and they sing and dance around to a Beatles song that I have never heard and never want to hear again. Sounds like something I made up when I was in my childhood singing group Caution. (See our Wikipedia page for hits like “Nature” and “Listen to the Music” @so_grool) On the bright side, Rachel looks flawless, and decides that she should no longer be afraid of failure (TYING INTO MR. SHUE’S LESSON OF THE WEEK OH MY STARS) and so she starts auditioning for everything.

Rachel, Kurt and Santana make a 2 year pledge/pinky swear to stay in New York and give it their all, and then their co-worker Gunther, who is probably the son of Gunther from Friends, points Rachel to a very hungry customer who wants an entire cake to himself. So apparently this restaurant makes personalized cakes, I mean this place has it all! Can I get a trouty mouth stripper to come out of a cake while singing and dancing? It’s the casting director, and he tells Rachel she got the part! Great reactions all around and we are so happy! Ummmmm that shit is about to be buzz killed next week and you all know it.

Back to Ohio, Sue is still principal of McKinley and has decided that because of the school’s abysmal attendance records, all of the students should get vaccinations. Am I remembering that right? Because that makes little sense. Sue also brings up the very valid point that Glee Clubbers come and go as they please and have horrible school attendance and that she is suspicious that Artie may have polio…

Anyway, Sam is selected to go to the school nurse first, merely because he was standing with Mr. Shue at the time of Sue’s tirade, and also because he used to be homeless so Sue thinks he is diseased. If having bad bitch was a crime he’d be arrested. So he goes to see the new school nurse, who is this college sophomore nurse-in-training named Penny Owen. Sam falls in love with her (BYE BRITTANY) and thinks of every excuse in the book to go see her, including biting his own arm hahahah, going to a special HEMLOCK maneuver class, and trying out his new Denzel impression (which was flawless). Gosh I love Sam. Other things happen with the nurse almost getting fired but really, who cares? It’s time for Prom!

Spring/Fall prom opens up with a bunch of fools on the stage dancing around in some horrible head-to-toe Satin outfits. (Marley, Unique, Jake, Ryder etc singing St. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts) In a shocking turn of events, Tina struts in looking fierce as shit with her gaggle of bitches following behind. The freakshows on stage continue to perform, and I must say Marley is working it out, but more importantly I NEED JAKE MARLEY AND RYDER TO GET SOME MORE ATTENTION!! I guess they will when others graduate.

And after a few moments it is already time to announce the new PROM KING AND QUEEN! Enter Sue, with one of her best rants in a while, highlights below:

1. Didn’t think it’s possible, you've made me hate the Beatles

2. Your lives are so insignificant that you think something like this (prom queen) matters

All the while Bre is looking at Tina’s lil assistant (forgot her name, let’s call her Ruby) because she convinced her to do something evil. And the Prom Queen is….Tina Cohen Chang! Glee Club is 3 for 3 y'all! Prom queen dynasty!!!! Cue the slow motion acceptance, as Ruby is about to reign down terror onto Tina and Kitty is like nooooooooo and bucket of what looks like BLOOD pours all over Tina. Pure terror and disgust, I think it was supposed to be Red Slushie but it looks like they were trying to recreate the movie Carrie which I have never seen but I get the reference. The entire sequence was insane and there was a lot of Bre standing there looking FIERCE laughing in slow motion. Glee really did the impossible by making me feel sorry for Tina…

Like with Kurt’s coronation 2 seasons ago, Tina runs out of the auditorium humiliated, and the entire Glee Club runs in slow motion after her into the choir room. Being the beautiful people they are, they sing Hey Jude as she gets cleaned up and she rocks Kitty’s dress even better than Kitty did. My world has turned upside down, I am complimenting Tina. Take a sad song and make it better! And I’m crying.

YES TINA. She BETTER WORK. She looked stunning. Congrats. Now get out of my life.

In the last few seconds of the episode, Coach Roz and Bre are in Sue’s office so that Bre can be punished for blood dumping on Tina.

However Sue though the prank was hilarious and top notch, so she rewards Bre by making her captain of the Cheerios and buying he a Le Car. In her words, “Glee Club needs an enemy to win Nationals” and sorry I had to write down this whole quote, “I once sang on stage with them in plaid pajamas and now I don't think they found me quite so scary.” So the Glee Club has a new anemone. End scene.

Overall grade for the Episode: A++ THE WRITING WAS AMAZING, great jokes, just all around perfect episode.

Favorite Performance of the Episode: Hey Jude. Performed by the New Directions. YES BLAINE. Crushing it.

Least Favorite Performance of the Episode: Get back performed by Kurt and Rachel. Get back is right.

Favorite Moment of the Episode: Tina got cut OFF from singing her Beatles song hahahahaha. YA CUT OFF

Least Favorite Moment of the Episode: Underage drinking is very bad… but I gotta fake id though. Just rambling, I liked the whole thing.

Next Week’s Episode: Finn tribute. Need I say more?  Will probably not write a blog… because I don’t want to. I just want to cry and throw a tantrum.

Other thoughts:

-“I don’t give a flying fart” BRE IS MY NEW FAVORITE CHARACTER

-Clearly the nurse was all about Sam’s gooey gooey.

-“I bust moves literally” = best pickup line ever

-Stoner brett deserved to win King let’s be honest.

-This school is due for a normal prom queen announcement. There’s no way Unique doesn’t win next year

-Kitty brought a back up lounge outfit to prom- after prom outfit I'm sure. Going to the Y for fun and games

- Sue’s analysis of the Glee club’s Nationals preparation: “in the middle of the inevitable journey song they will sing at nationals after deciding on it at the very last moment”

-Emma hasn’t made an appearance

-Guessing my girl Sugar Motta is owt.

-Wonder how long Ryder and Marley in real life will be engaged? Guess whose it is… guess whose it is… it’s yourrrrss Ryyydeeeer (remix)

-I’m guessing they will not be able to do a prom episode in the spring… toooooo many prommmmmz

-I wonder if anyone tried to spike the punch? #thoughtsofatruepsycho