Kiki Kiki Tembo No Rembembro: Degrassi por tu Glee

Putt Putt travels through time as we are really existing in last week, when it was Thanksgiving, and I was literally 2.5 lbs lighter... Marley give me some of those laxatives stat.

In 2012 last week but this week as well, the show choir circuit decided to make sectionals coincide with Thanksgiving break, which was a perfect time to combine all the things we love about Glee: The old kids, anorexia/Bulemia, Sectionals, the Warblers, laxatives, dance-offs and high buns. 

Question 1, does McKinley High not let kids out of the school for Thanksgiving? Someone check that out and get back to me and while I'm waiting on an answer I will blog.

GLEE CLUB LEGENDS OF THE HIDDEN PIMPLE haaha that makes no sense but everyone can suck it!  

So all of the old kids (minus Lauren Zizes and Matt wtf) are back in the hizzy. Santana, Mercedes, Finn and Mike just spent the last week working on Grease together so I'm not sure why they're so excited to see each other, but one thing I am sure of, we are ALL so excited to see Quinny Poo and Puckasauras back in action at McKinley. Quinn's hair grew back out OR she is wearing a wig, but either way it seems that she has found a happy medium between psycho Quinn and nice Quinn, and I for one think it would be a great time for a Finn and Quinn backslide. (Repeats don't count! Let's get it on! )

But I digress, everyone is home for the Holidays, and Finn believes that the ND Vets can help him whip his sad sack of losers into shape before Sectionals, which apparently gives them all the right to walk around high school all day with no hall pass and interrupt everyone's lives.  Quinn and Kitty obviously were paired up, because Kitty is Glee's attempt to retain the magic and awesomeness of Lucy Caboosy, and Santana was matched with the Ball of Nerves formerly known as Marley.  The Unholy Trinity reunited to perform together just as they had 3 years ago, (I loved the performance of course but if that was performed by anyone else I would be annoyed that weren't doing anything not plot related) until things took a turn for the worst DUN DUN DUN. After Santana started doggin on Quinn's girl Kitty, it was revealed that Quinn is yet again "all excited about defining her life by another guy" and is banging a 35 year old married man! LOUDER! I'm just saying you could do better bitch. And they slapped each other but that's all that ready came of that. Also, Mercedes was cloned.

In the big city of Nyader, Rachel and Kurt made some bold and awesome statements like "forget about guys we are on the verge of become the best versions of ourselves" and then completely forgot they said that by the following scene. Brody and Rachel had a loud ass conversation in dance class about the Kate Hudson humping but not to worry, the pique turn exercises are a thing of the past and we are on to the Foxtrot!  Rachel forgave Brody and invited him to Thanksgiving, where SJP and her gang of Queens joined in on the KIKI!!! Brody read my mind as we both simultaneously asked "Wtf is a Kiki?" and I'm not sure still but I know that I wanna have a KiKi all of the days of the year. So Rachel and Brody are adorable... but they are only runners up in the 2012 Week After Thanksgiving Couple award, after that heart-wrenching and wonderful phone conversation between Kurt and Blaine.

Literally just as the thought "is Blaine in this episode" crossed my mind, Kurt called Blaine on his ugly horrible Droid phone and here are the notes I wrote down on my phone as I watched. Enjoy:

"Omgggggggggg my life is hanging in the balance!!! Omg blaine!!  Favorite scene of all time!!!! I love you toooo ahhhh!!  I want SJP to be my mom"

So there is hope left in the world after all. But Blaine was looking a little bit INSANO IN THE MEMBRANO DOME EL REMOTO MR. ROBOTO.

With all of this love and Thanksgiving dancing going on, Sectionals became a literal sideshow, as the New Directions tried to pull a reverse Wizards and remain unbeaten in the category.

Ok, is it just me or did everyone know from the first minute of this episode that Marley was going to pass out on stage? Widdle Marley can't decide if she wants to be super-motivated and awesome or shaky little naked mole rat, so she wasn't eating anything but one tic tac and taking laxatives. (Hey Rachel Berry, do you ever get narvous... didn't think so!)

Sidenote: Jake and Marley are apparently full-on dating.  And it seems like Jake and Ryder are full-on BFFS now by the apple pie sex convo (gwoss) and jibberish. I need an idea of where this story is going because I don't get this friendship or love triangle in the slightest it's not even a triangle it's like an orb of Osmosis Jones and niceness that sings and dances and wear newspaper boy hats.

Finn chose to sabotage the Glee Club but making them perform "Gangnam Style".

In Korean. With Tina singing lead. Riiiight. The only good thing that came out of this is we got to see a lot of White Chocolate stripper dancing to which I say hell yeah.

At the actual competition, the Warblers let out one whistle and I already knew they were going to be better than the New Directions. A few notes on their performance:

1. I had no idea how they were going to make "Whistle" work but that's because I forgot that it's not an actual rap song and that Florida is one of the strangest music "artists" ever who is only known for the girls singing hooks in his songs and everyone could care less about the "rapping" or "singing" that goes on in between. I guarantee there isn't one person in this world who is a Florida fan or whose fave song is by Florida. (Well I can't guarantee it, but you know what I mean.) Also, as I'm writing this I'm pronouncing his name in my head like the state of Florida not like Flo-Rida so re-read it again and you will find it way funnier.)

2. That being said, I loved Whistle! Classssic Warlbers pegging.

3. Bassy still looks weird to me.
4. Did we really need a One Direction interpretation that sounded exactly like the original?

As for the New Directions, even Teen Jesus (I cannot remember his name to save my life) and his prayer could not save the hot mess that is the New Directions. Tina's Korean baby voice (btw she is not Korean) was paired with some wack ass dance moves, they need to take some tips from these Gangnam Style Ballers and Shot Callers:

#1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqFFKCzWCsM

#2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OGl1tCNo6M8

And what about the effing Marley/Blaine duet we were promised! You can't open the can and not spill the beans, Finn! Worst sectionals ever.

Overall Grade for the Episode: B+

The New York stuff was fun, Quinn is awesome, but it was kinda awk having her try to fit in again, and another blown Sectionals opportunity. But still cuuuute.

Favorite Performance of the Episode: I really thought it was going to be "Home" but at the last minute I am changing my vote to "Let's Have a Kiki/Turkey Lurkey!" Holla atcha girl.

Least Favorite Performance of the Episode: Reiterate Gangnam Style. The humping on all fours was just vile.

Favorite Moment of the Episode: Sam doing his own beat box and stripper moves. That dance will never die.

Least Favorite Moment of the Episode: Everyone babying Marley all the time, because that kind of gal is my least fave. Just stop. Also weren't Quinn and Puck supposed to have a romance? Boo you whores.

Other Thoughts:

-Wanky

-Those dance moves Mike Chang was teaching were all kind of wrong

-Grool for everyone

-Oh speak of the devil I knocked up

-I'm obsessed with the French Revolution.... okay.

-Is anyone shocked that Rachel and Quinn haven't visited each other

-Quinn if you tell everyone about the secret society it's not a secret anymore duh

-She'll be coming round the moutajn icki icki yeah bounce that ass shake it girl

-Apparently Mike Chang can sing as well as Phillip Phillips. Duh Jessica Sanchez all the way!! Or maybe THIS PEOPLE.

-Artie got two lines.

Glist

1. Sam Evans - TROUTY MOUTH REIGNS SUPREME

2. Ryder- Come on Ryde the train it's a choo choo.

3. Rachel- Apparently there is a Thanksgiving song that exists outside of this one and RB was just so fetch singing it!

4. Puck

5. Blaine just because.

6. Quinn

7. Brody

8. Jake

9. Mike Chang

10. Kitty

Next week's episode:
Rachel will be doing some singing and Kurt is auditioning. Also Sam and Brittany? They need to get some better girls on this show. And Sectionals Part 2?