Nekid. She wants to play Gleek and hide no one to hide behind.

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Hello. Glee is working towards something right? They have to be. There has to be a logical explanation why they spent a whole episode trying to make fetch happen in terms of Sam's hot body issues, Marley and Jake's too soon love professions and a Rachel vs. Rachel schizophrenic duet. The air is humming and SOMETHING GREAT is coming! But for now, let's go skinny dip in the grool.

First things first. Sam and Blaine snitched on the Warblers and got them disqualified from Regionals for using bison nostril spray to amp up their musical song and dance performances. Riiiiiight. So now the New Directions get to go to Regionals by default. So you're telling me that with Marley passing out on stage they still beat that other Christian group?? Ain't no way Gangnam Style was better than She'll be Comin Round the Mountain--- and the New Directions were disqualified right??? They didn't win second place. So did the Christian group get disqualified too? For drinking from the cup of salvation before they perfomed? Yall need to go to logic school and catch up to the real.

Or maybe the top 2 sectionals winner get to go to Regionals??? But no, that's not right is it? I don't know now they've got me fucked up. Whatever.

So just going along with the Glee assumptions of reality- Glee Club is in Regionals and need money to pay for the bus to Indianapolis. I wonder if they will drive through Pawnee to get some Sweetums candy or Rent-A-Swag!! How will they get the money in time?? I guess Tina is full of ideas this year because she comes up with doing a "Men of McKinley" Calendar. Tina- you are so annoying sit down and shut up. Gosh I wish Rachel Berry and Santana were back in the choir room to drown her annoying baby voice outta here!

So everyone immediately agrees that this is the best idea ever because apparently this year's Glee guys are the hottest ever. UMMMMMM what. Puck and Finn and Mike Chang would pwn Jake, Ryder and Sam in a hotness contest any day. Well maybe not Sam- his trouty mouth swag is really working for him these days.

Speaking of Trout and Mouth, Sam found out that he is a true idiot and got a 300 or something on his SATs. Why is Principal Figgins the one telling them their scores, and why is he telling them in front of each other? Like why does Brittany have to be there to hear that? And Brittany drew a penis on her SATs and got a near perfect score- that's what I did on mine too and that's how I got into Mitt.

So long story short, Sam gets down on himself and realizes that the only good thing about him is his white chocolate sex appeal, and to that I say PRAISE because Sam is like whoa. So Sam went over the top in getting himself and the other guys ready for the photo shoot, which included spray tans (Holla- got one yesterday- look like an oompa loompa), Broga, and a Nelly/90's song mashup that including some intense vag exercises assisted by Cheerios. I'd like to give Trouty his props for doing a great Nelly. Aiiiiiii.

Oh yeah Sue and Finn are still awkwardly beefin. Apparently Sue was really protesting hard off camera about that calendar and Finn wanted to prove her hypocrisy by digging up her old Penthouse nude spread. Ok this was the dumbest thing ever. Stop it with this. Only good part of this was Finn saying "You can suck a hot one" with a straight face.

Also, Artie doesn't want to pose half nude. And Finn says to Artie- it's okay to say no. And it's okay that there's a part of yourself you want to keep private... maybe he was trying to send those thoughts to his long lost love Rachel Barbie Berry?

Speaking of slutty barbie, Rachel is in New York if you hadn't heard. And she is such a grown up!! Having sex with Brody and doing weird plays to break into the biz. Her most recent project requires a topless scene and she is TORN UP about it!! So torn that her old awesome self comes back to sing a duet with herself... about being torn in what I like to call Rachel vs. Lea Michele. This musical number came WAYYYY to soon in the decision-making process, (she can't really be "torn" less than 30 seconds after being presented with the dilemma) and the song battle didn't do much to persuade Lea Michele to keep her bra on- it would take more than a self-harmonized duet to do that. KUDOS TO GHOST RACHEL FOR TELLING LEA MICHELE THAT HER PORN STAR HAIR IS OUT OF CONTROL.

Enter Kurt, Santana and Quinn. HAVE AN INTERVENTION! HAVE AN INTERVENTION! YOUR FAMILY'S HERE! Also Brody was naked and Kurt was like oooooweeeee what's up with that. what's up with that. In the end, Rachel just wasn't ready to get down like that in front of a bunch of fat camera men/musicians so she marched out wearing her pink robe and rejoined Santana and Quinn in girl power and innocence! Does this mean the end of slut ass shallow Rachel? Here's hoping! And Santana is gonna move to NY it seems. Snaps for Satan.

So the Men of Mckinley stripped down to their skivvies, Rachel decided to keep her A cups under wraps, but it wasn't all about objectifying nude bodies this week- we also got naked emotionally and let it all hang out Jake and Marley style.

Brittany S. Pierce brought Marley on Fondue for Two and grilled her on her love/obsession with Hunger Games, Anorexia and Jake. So I guess this got Marley to thinking that she should EXPOSE herself since Jake was willing to get naked for a calendar. That's logical. So Jake and Marley had a secret monkey meeting in the auditorium where they sang the most lovely duet and Marley almost told Jake she loved him. And then Jake admitted to Ryder <3 that he loved Marley. Is this real? They have been dating for like 3 days. So then Jake sang the most AMAZING dedication jam to Marley in Glee Club accompanied by a string quartet and eventually it was revealed to each other the revelation that there love is revelatory. What is the deal with these two? Maybe we are supposed to be rooting for them so we will be crushed when Jake punches her out or something. He has an anger problem right? I do think they are cute together so I guess Ryan Murphy wins again.

Overall Grade for the Episode: B+

Not a super great episode, but I thought all of the musical performances were TOP NOTCH BABY. The McKinley stuff was a little all over the place, but I actually thought the Rachel/Kurt stuff made sense for their age and current status. Nice to see Quinn and Santana for 2 minutes.

Favorite Performance of the Episode Love Song performed by Rachel, Quinn and Santana. 100 million reasons why.

Close second and third: This is the New Year performed by the New Directions. So adorable- been jammin this song for the last week. It was just so clearly a song that Ryan Murphy liked and wanted to do and Let Me Love You performed by Jake. So good.

Least Favorite Performance of the Episode: Torn performed by Rachel and Rachel. I didn't like it in the context of that point of the episode.

Favorite Moment(s) of the Episode Kurt being disgusted by Rachel and Brody at breakfast and of course Sam Evans with the classic line: "Well haters gonna hate."

Least Favorite Moment of the Episode Jar Jar Binks posing for the calendar. Also Finn sucks now so every time he did anything.

Other thoughts:

-Hot new co-anchor??? Can we say Puck!!!?!?!?
-Brittany's switch leap in This is the New Year still perplexes me. I guess she is being sarcastic.

-I wonder how long Quinn and Santana had to stand behind Rachel's door before she arrived
-Britt's Shoulda Been line: "You know how I know you are both hot? Because I've sexed both of you"

-Jake lookin at that Cheerio like why the hell are u spray tanning my half black ass

-Did Blaine forget that Tina loves him? Does he still love Sam? That hug was steamy

-Return of the neck brace girl!!! This has to be Ryan Murphy's niece or something right?

-Weird creepy piano music when Artie started talking about penthouse. Not cool.

Glist

1. Kurt

2. Sam

3. Blaine

4. Jake

5. Quinn

6. Santana

7. Rachel

8. Ryder

9. Sugar idk

10. Emma I just like her ok?

Next Week's Episode:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7GjzYF3iyk

DIVAAAAAAA work! take it to another level no passengers on my plaaaane