Gleezy Breezy Beautiful: #PuckYoGuiltyPleasures

Bonjorno. (I hope everyone gets that title or else I'm just insane)

The theme of this week's blog is THINGS I DON'T GET ABOUT THIS WORLD.

#1 I don't get guilty pleasures.

I JUST DON'T GET IT! I mean, I guess I get guilty pleasures in things like food. Clearly you feel guilty after eating 5 cookies but it was pleasurable to do so. And anything like shopping, drinking, BOMOing, etc. But I do not get "Guilty Pleasure Songs." Music ain't never hurt nobody! Or made you fat, or made you unhealthy, or made you broke. Why would you ever feel guilty about liking a song? I'm trying to think if I have ever been embarrassed to like a song or artist...I can't think of an example. I still sleep with a Hannah Montana alarm clock and the first CD I ever owned was Sisqo. Do people find that embarrassing, because I find it hilarious- thus why I do not get the theme of Glee Club this week.

That being said, I loved that the kids were free of Shue and Finn this week (Mr Flu has the Shue and Finn went to college!??!?! Yeah he just registered in March it makes perfect sense). The kids were probably all thinking "I am so tired of these grown men crying over everything- let's inject Mr. Shue with a strain of the flu and tell Finn that he got accepted into the South Harmon Institute of Technology. Free at last!"

So anyway, after Blaine discovered Sam's macaroni art... yeah you read that right, Sam decided that revealing his guilty pleasure was such a bonding experience that it would be beneficial for the whole Glee Club should do the same. All the while Blaine is undressing Sam with his eyes (totally get that.)

This leads me to my second mystery of life: I do not get how the Glee writers let Chord Overstreet go for that period of time in Season 3.

SAM IS EVERYTHING AND EVERYTHING IS SAM. He kicked off the musical numbers with a BLAM BOW while everyone in the Glee Club danced around in front of black lights. I am too young and uninterested to know why Wham! is a "guilty pleasure". I honestly have no idea, but I do know that Jake and Marley's ending pose was so fetch.

In other Glee Club news, Brittany has decided to return to school for a few days to tell Kitty that she needs to change her evil ways. She brings her on Fondue for Two (always a great addition) to make her reveal her guilty pleasure on-air. After Kitty reveals that she likes to fart around old people (OK THAT IS DEFINITELY A GUILTY PLEASURE I GIVE YOU THAT, PSYCHO) and Brittany and Kitty get in a Bring It On movie-off, Kitty Kat reveals that her real guilty pleasure is liking the Spice Girls.

Two problems with this again: 

1. BRING IT ON IS ONE OF THE BEST MOVIES OF ALL TIME. Could watch it every day of my life. Burr it's cold in here I said there must be some Torros in the atmosphere? You really think a white girl made that shit up?

2. WHO THE HELL WOULD WANT TO HIDE THEIR LOVE OF SPICE GIRLS? Why just this Tuesday, my good friend Patrisha and I texted the following:

Pat: Even Spice Girls will place higher on the list of best CDs of our lifetime. (this was in reference to my comment that B2K Pandemonium was on that list... I have since withdrawn that comment from the record)

Me: Which Spice Girls

Me: That is a fucking question for your ass

Pat: Spice. First album

Pat: Wannabe might be the #1 girl anthem

Pat: It brings together all nations, creeds, colors, ethnicities

Me: Hold on lemme look up the track lists

Me: God they are both so good. Cuz then you have Spice Up Your Life, Stop, Too Much, Never Give Up on the Good Times

Me: But I agree Spice is better

Pat: It was a close call and a toughie.

Point being, we are completely normal. Also, I find it annoying when people don't like popular music or artists just beacuse they are popular (Bieber), ridiculous (Ke$ha) or fun (T-pain? Whatever). Sometimes they are popular for a good reason, ever wanna investigate that?!!??! Just like what you like!

So yeah I'm happy they did the Spice Girls. For the record- Ginger was always the best and Kitty WERRRRKKKKED it out as Geri Halliwell! Marley did a great Posh and Brittany's stupid idiotic self did a great Sporty besides the part where Sporty was the best singer. Unique get ouutta here and most importantly SUGAR FREAKING MOTTA WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!? She would have been the best Baby Spice!! Sugar and Spice!?!? Damn you all.

Which brings me to the most infuriating point of this episode and a little segment that I like to refer to as "Marley is dead to me like the dog in that movie that I never saw but I assume he dies in the end."

Ok so Jake Puckerman wanted to do a Chris Brown song and the members of Glee Club were all UP IN ARMS because they have all decided to join a cult where they act self-righteous and hate on Breezy.

Ok so number 1, you are telling me I have to miss out on Jake performing a Chris Brown song... which would have been flawless, amazing and perfect.

Number 2, and brace yourself for the rant people, this is mostly directed at Ryan Murphy and sometimes I am the most annoying. Jake was absolutely right, he is allowed to separate the music from the person and like anyone he wants. And VALID freaking point that there are other artists Glee has done who have not had the cleanest track record. He mentioned, Whitney, Britney, and Rihanna but I'M SORRY YOU FAIL TO MENTION MICHAEL JACKSON!!! OMG. I do not get that ever!

People walk on egg shells when it comes to MJ and I don't get it. Why can't the earlier statement be true "separate music from the person." Why is it so blasphemous to know that Michael was amazing but also acknowledge that he allegedly molested young children!! If I have to sit through an episode dedicated to the man (Season 3: Michael)  aren't we allowed to have 1 single Jake Puckerman/Chris Brown interpretation? I get that Jacko was the greatest artist of all time, but if we are arguing that his personal life shouldn't affect people's love of his music then it should be fine put him on the TOP of the shady musician list the Glee clubbers rambled off. Tippy Tippy Top. ESPECIALLY if you are then going to throw out a completely ignorant statement like "You know Bobby Brown got Whitney Houston hooked on crack!" Bobby Brown did not hold a gun to her head and say "GET HOOKED ON CRACK OR ELSE!" Stop, Glee.  

Number 3, I love Chris Brown's music more than almost every other artist and I wish that Glee did a Chris Brown number. I fully acknowledge that Chris Brown (and Rihanna for that matter) is an absolute lunatic. He was also 19 years old when he beat up Rihanna. It is never okay that he did that, but for Glee to create a whole plot line around the fact that it is wrong to forgive that man is beyond me. And if you (Marley, Unique, etc) don't want to like Chris Brown music because of what he did then more power to ya! But you shouldn't have any say over what sweet beautiful Jake Puckerman likes or sings! I guess it is Ryan Murphy's right to make a statement against Chris Brown if that's how he feels but for once I will not kiss your feet oh powerful one! I hope BadGirlRiRi blasts everyone on Instagram.

Also, Marley is a baby bitch who likes Jessica Simpson.

Psycho alert! (That's me!) I'm done.

Awkward transition back to Blaine and Sam. Sam encouraged Blaine to reveal his TRUE guilty pleasure, which would be Sam himself, so Blaine took to the piano to give an absolutely FLAWLESS performance of "Take a Look at me Now". Shout out to Phil Collins and all of those involved in recording the Tarzan soundtrack. Sam knew the song was about him, and kind of did the same thing that Blaine did with Tina by saying "Yeah, why wouldn't you be obsessed with me, but we can still be friends." And they hugged it out. Verdict is still out on whether Blaine is still obsessed.

Short NY Update:

HEAVEN KNOWS IF THEY'LL SURVIVE THIS SINGLE LADY KIND OF LIFE

Brody broke up with Rachel without explanation, Kurt is wearing shorts and sleeping with a man-size doll, and Santana is stirring it up. I cannot get over how much I love this roomie dynamic! When Santana and Rachel pranked Kurt I was full of GLEE! And didn't Kurt do such a great job looking tired??

So as we expected, Santana spilled the beans to Rachel about Brody being a Nick Cannon aka Gigolo. This led to Rachel confronting Brody and a lot of tears. (I wonder if this was what Lea Michele was referring to when she tweeted she had to cry a lot one day. I hope not, that wasn't enough crying for my taste.) After realizing that Brody was mostly a rebound and bounce pass, they broke up for good. I also don't get how anyone could still like Finn at this juncture, but okay. And then Rachel and Brody ran around and sang in slow motion.

Overall Grade for the Episode: A-

Despite Jake not sticking to his guns, I thought it was a really great and hilarious episode!

Favorite Performance of the Episode: Mamma Mia performed by Erbody. This was epic!! I hope this inspires Rachel, Kurt and Santana to sing trios in their apt more often! And the Glee Club was hilarious- it was fun, outfits were awesome, song was awesome.

Other Flawless Performances:

-My Prerogative performed by Jake

-Take a look at me now performed by Blaine

-Creep performed by Rachel and Brody

Least Favorite Performance of the Episode: CopaCabana performed by Sam and New Directions. Just couldn't stop thinking about Emmitt Smith and Cheryl Burke so I couldn't even get into it.

Favorite Moment of the Episode: "This is who I am and I make no apologies" -Sam. "Santana, you're a bitch, they're mine." -Kurt

Least Favorite Moment of the Episode: The Chris Brown/Bobby Brown parts. Shuddddup.  

Other Thoughts:

-Where is Tuiasosopo aka Ryder's fake girlfriend

- I feel like Brittany and Kitty we really laughing about the Bring it On references!

-Brit doing kartwheels in a row for no reason #Classicpeg

-I wish people would bring "Nunya" back

-Hummelcide = Genius

-Rachel looks amazing- thank God we are past that horrible slut phase!

-Is Emma still taking off work?? People need to get into college!

Glist:

1. Sam- taking the #1 and #2 spot because it is only right

2. Sam

3. Santana

4. Rachel

5. Jake

6. Kurt

7. Blaine

8. Kitty Kat

9. Ryder

-100. Marley

Next Week's Episode:

WE HAVE TO WAIT 3 MORE WEEKS! I see Ryder with a blonde girl in the preview! I will be at Nationals then so ain't nobody got time for Glee!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9xQ7Xxfcy8

American Idol:

JIMMY IOVINE IS THE REALNESS, SCREW EVERYONE ELSE. LAZARO MUST GO.

Favorites List:

1. Amber

2. Burnell

3. Angie

4. Kree

5. Candice

6. Devin

7. Janelle

8. Lazaro this was a mistake

Thank Heaven for Keith Urban.

One more thing:  Justin's new album is FANFREAKINTASTIC.

BowDownBitches.

I'm in the Mood to Feud Ya Dood

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THIS EPISODE WAS ALMOST AS INSANE AS NICKI MINAJ SHOWING UP 15 MINUTES LATE TO A LIVE TAPING OF AMERICAN IDOL WITH NO FACE ON.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9r8W2_r7Tk

So the whole premise of this episode comes from the fact that Finn kissed Emma and WIll is pissed TFO. Mr. Shue is treating Finn like dog shit, having him make coffee runs, and dry-clean vests, all while fake complimenting Ryder to piss him off. So Artie, Tina and Blaine decide to have an intervention ya family's here and assign a musical theme to the week! (Are those 3 captains of Glee Club? I don't remember there being a vote cuz Tina aint the one.)

So the theme is Epic Musical Feuds, meaning that in order to squash glee club beef the two dueling members are to perform mash-up songs of feuding artists! I honestly didn't even understand this theme until they did the sit down with Ryder and Unique but let's just pretend that I got it from the beginning.

So the gauntlet is thrown blam bow and Mr. Shue is gonna KICK... FINN's...ASS. I would pay one million dollars to see Finn and Mr. Shue do a Biggie vs. Tupac mashup. One gazillion dollars. But before they broke-dance foughted and butchered two American classics from my childhood, Mr. Shue knocked Finn down a few pegs, telling him that he only put Finn in charge of the Glee Club because he pitied him and thas not love thas desperation. But Finn BETRAYED him and broke THE CODE OF BROTHERS and now it is time to pay.

Btw where is Emma in all this? Has Shue confronted her? She mad? You mad? We mad?

We mad because this was god awful. Let me me paint a picture for those of you (Allison Perri) who do not watch anymore. The mash-up was Bye Bye Bye and I Want it That Way which are two of the greatest songs in the world but two songs that do not go together at all. I guess the word MASHED is appropriate for what that was. Old rotten mashed potatoes. A monster mash. At one point Finn and Shue were actually fighting, if that's what we were supposed to take from the Mouse King .vs Nutcracker choreographed tackling.  Finn sounded fine doing BSB, but Mr. Shue took all the nasally wonder out of Justin's masterpiece and just runed a perfectly flawless song. The puppet strings look absolutely ridiculous and out of sync. (IRONY) Anyway, they sucked at the end of the performance, Mr. Shue couldn't bring himself to hug it out. End scene. REJECTED.

But now Finn may get a teaching degree- something is happening but I am so pissed about them ruining what could have been an epic performance I don't even care.

AND THE LOSER IS: Everyone. We all lose.

On to the next one.

Conspiracy Theory time:

So yall heard that Nicki Minaj was late late late to a very important date right??? THAT SHIT WAS CRAZY. She missed an entire performance and had her makeup spread all over the judges table. And this whole season on American Idol she has been dissing on the show while she is simultaneously getting paid and getting exposure. So my theory is that the American Idol producers or FOX or whoever told Glee to make an episode where they make fun of Nicki and her ridiculous antics.

Enter Sue vs. Blaine in this week's 2nd most random storyline (2nd to the Unique and Ryder thing- we shall get to that one later).

So if you are confused about why these two would be beefing (Idk why you would be, it's so obvious) it's because on December 5 Blaine joined the Cheerios and then on December 6 he quit. So now Sue needs him for Cheerleading Regionals. So she put cement in his hair gel and ruined his credit and put a sign up in the air about him being on the bottom??? Is that sexual reference?

Anyway, incase you haven't heard- Mariah and Nicki Minaj are apparently in a feud that is as epic as Elton John/Madonna + BSB/NSYNC. UMMMM no. Their feud is not that epic, it is mostly just catty and immature, which means two things:

1. Glee is trying to boost American Idol

2. They really wanted to make fun of Nicki Minauseous

So after Sue did some corny and not funny impersonations of Nicki and reenacted her "crazy Nicki threats" (which I'm sure were inspired from behind-the-scenes Idol footage,) Sue and Blaine battled it out. Blaine started off with "I Still Believe" which is a great song, don't get me wrong- but WTF. That song should be saved for when you are singing it about Kurt in a pensieve thoughtful moment. If you are going to do a BATTLE with a Mariah song you need to do Heartbreaker or Fantasy or Obsessed.

And then Sue comes in. Sue is a hot mess. Did she just change the lyric to "he a tall freaking trip trip"??? Did I hear that correctly? As Maggie Klee so eloquently put it "WTF JUST OCCURRED."

Again, I'm guessing that this is some FOX executives' commentary on how Mariah's talent is being overshadowed by Nicki's gimmicks and Sue won the challenge, meaning that Blaine has to remain a Cheerio. Which is fine with me cuz Blaine is looking oh so cute in that uni!  But wait, he and Sam are plotting and Blaine will work from the inside and bring Sue down. WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THIS EPISODE. Another beef not squashed.  

AND THE WINNER IS: Blaine. He is always the winner. Always.

Ryder vs. Unique

Why did I type the words "french fries" in my notes. I have no idea/recollection, probably just hungry.

Ok everyone it's about to get even more FWEAKY. Let's start with the normal part:

Ryder kissed Marley a few weeks ago, and Jake is still pissed at both of them. But Marley I guess has chosen to be with Jake. (come on Glee- you could have had me hooked for a few more weeks with the triangle). Jake and Marley actually have a really cute and mature conversation and decided that they pretty much basically kinda sorta trust each other it would be immature to ice Ryder out.

However, Ryder still has decided to ice his own self out of sanity and he done pushed himself to da edge. He is having a cyber-relationship with some blonde chick aka Tuiasosopo aka probably gon be Unique. The entire time I am watching these instant message conversation I'm thinking "what the fuck is this. what the fuck is this." Also I am thinking "Do people still use instant message? Is this the new AIM? Does a creaky door opening door sound happen when someone signs on and then slams shut when some signs off? Do they still have away messages? How did these two meet? Did he ask A/S/L at first?" So many questions. CLEARLY this is Glee's take on the Manti Teo situation and I am just ROTFL and LOL and LMAO etc. So anyway..

Ryder and Unique feud because she got mad at him for kissing Marley and he made an insensitive comment about her drag lifestyle. So they mash it up taking from the Elton/Madonna feud that most people prob don't know or care about. And Unique again dressed herself like a 40 year old woman going to an early Sunday Service and trounced around with her feet turned out. It sounded fine, but it was wack. And now Glee is trying to make Ryder a douchebag a la that Glee Project character he played over the summer when he was yelling at Aylin and we were supposed to believe that she would choose to be with Michael over Blake. (Insert @so_grool doing a Michael impression.)

In the end, we are left with the weird Saved By the Bell: The New Class gathering in a classroom where Ryder makes a football analogy and apologizes to Marley, Jake and Unique and then Unique tells everyone that she had to run away from some popular girl bullies. Unique, you and Coach Beiste seriously need to understand that you are big enough to beat up a pack of wolves so stop it with that. And Unique cannot act worth SHIIIIIIT.

And then they all started talking about next year and it was a sad affair.

AND THE WINNER IS: Kitty.

Next in the ring of fire: Santana vs. Brody

Ok first of all- how annoying is it that Rachel isn't pregnant? This is just like the Quinn car accident thing. Such a huge build up and then oh never mind. Come on Glee.

But I guess it wasn't for nothing- it seems to have brought Santana and Rachel closer ??? maybe??? and Santana thinks it should serve as a wake-up call to Rachel, since she has become a soggy mess of a woman and it's time for her to take a hard look at the choices she is making aka get rid of Donkey Face.

Speaking of Donkey Face- it turns out I was right all along- he is a gigolo, always on the go everytime I turn around I got another show. Hello my name is Gunnnnner dood and I am going to have sex with old women to pay for my tuition. So apparently there is a hotel in New York where all the male hookers go and wait around to get dollars rained up on them!  Wait, what is Tracy Quartermaine doing up in hurr? Up in hurr.Up in hurr.

So Santana still doesn't know the truth, but wants to intimidate Brody enough to get him to move out, so she visits the god-forsaken dance studio where Brody is still being a teaching assistant for Cassie. Cassie lives! And of course Santana just happened to be in a black dress ready to perform but "don't apply logic to Lopez" it's just Glee so let it happen. Santana performs an unnecessary version of American Idol judge Paula Abdul's "Cold-Hearted Snake" (and circle fits the square) and then tells Brody to pack your bags girls we're going to Milan! ! Not really, just pack your bags!

Word of Santana's tongue-lashing via musical performance spread fast and Kurt and Rachel were none too pleased. They had a family loft conversation and asked Santana to move out because she was pissing Brody off and he was there first. BITCHES! Luckily, Santana's bag was already packed and ready to go and #weouchea to stay on Lena Dunham's couch, but not before promising to expose Brody for the plastic tiara he was!! (It's... just... plastic. GASP!!!)

And she did. Once again using his teleportation device, Finn appears in New York. I have never gasped that much in my life. OMG. Brody and Finn get into it about loving Rachel blah blah and then start straight up brawling!!! STAY AWAY FROM MY FUTURE WIFE!! That's really a mouthful to yell while you are mid-fight Finn, you could have just said "Stay away from her, or stay away from Rachel." FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! And whoop there it is.

AND THE WINNER IS: Santana. Clearly.

BY FAR THE BEST CONCLUSION OF ANY GLEE EPISODE EVER OCCURRED WHEN THE FOX ANNOUNCER SAID THIS IN A CASUAL VOICE AS THE CREDITS ROLLED:

"They started from the bottom, and now they're here. Watch the top 9 perform next Wednesday on American Idol." hahahahahah i was dying. dying dying dying I can only imagine what I have been missing out by not watching live episodes before this.

Overall Grade for the Episode: B

It was just insane. Didn't dislike it but would be fine never watching it again. Santana and Trouty Mouth once again carried the episode.

Favorite Performance of the Episode: How to be a heartbreaker performed by Brody and Rachel. This dance was a euphemism for Brody having sex with old women which is utterly disturbing but I love the song and Brody is still amazing I don't care who he is screwing or feuding!

Least Favorite Performance of the Episode: Bye Bye Bye performed by Finn and Mr. Shue. Hard to watch. It just didn't go together and hurt my ears.

Favorite Moment of the Episode: Tina getting pwned by Sue. You're dismissed, go find a new bf maybe Lance Bass is available or Rupaul.

Least Favorite Moment of the Episode: Definitely Ryder chatting Tuisasosopo and Sue doing the Nicki Minaj faces.

Other thoughts:

-Where is Brittany? Probably out strolling on college campuses.

-Trouty Mouth always coming in strong during group numbers.

-WHAT THE FUCK IS MARLEY WEARING psychodelic turtleneck dress.

-Fake complimenting Ryder part was humorous

-Suite life of Zack and Cody reboot

-In the real world there are commitments and you are only as good as your word!

-Santana still cant dance.

-Bitch took my pillow.

-Finn is forever kicking something in rage

Next Week's Episode:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4svKmFbAd4

GUILTY PLEASURES! Glad that haven't totally abandoned the idea of Blaine and Sam! BLAM! And some other stuff.

American Idol thoughts and rankings.

As you know, this week was absolutely insane.  The theme was SOOOOOO BAD omg I can't believe we had to sit through a perform of "I Believe, Flying Without Wings, A Moment Like This, Breakaway etc". Everybody sucked. I mean of course Angie, Candice, Cree and Amber did great but the theme was so bad and everyone was so thrown of Nicki Minaj!!!!! I have never witnessed anything so outrageously awkward and hilarious.

Mariah, you need to stop being so nice. Audience, stop booing everyone. Keith, you are polite. And Nicki- YOU'RE HORRIBLE! Stop being anti-American Idol! Just give your hilarious critiques and then sit the hell down! No one wants to hear you arguing anymore!! You are getting paid so much money, and you are 30 years old! Just STFU! 

Ryan Seacrest is an angel sent from heaven above. 

Here is my ranking: 

1. Amber- what the world needs now.

2. Angie-she did that Kelly Clarkson song well but no one will ever EVER EVER top Kelly.

3. Candice

4. Kree

5. Burnell- never ever ever sing a Ruben Studdard song again.

Everyone else can kick rocks ESPECIALLY Paul Jolley! So glad Curtis got eliminated! Nicki shut the fuck up and let us make some god damn progress! 

P.S. Chris Brown and Rihanna are like diamonds in the sky.

If It's Not Like the Movies That's How It Should Be

It's a shame that Glee got pushed back 2 weeks, I'm sure they created the whole entire theme of this episode to coincide with Oscars. (DJAAAANNNGOOOOOOO)

But alas, American Idol stomped its big fabulous foot all over poor lil Glee and we had to come back to what seemed like another random Mr. Shue idea from hell.

We started off with a Will and Emma musical number that nobody asked for. Will Shuester trying to be on Broadway again and no one under the age of 75 has any idea what movie that was supposed to be from. But you know what it was cute, and Emma is a little ladybug and just adorable in everything she does but then BAM Will Shuester wakes up from his slumber and IT WAS ALL A DREAM. I USED TO READ J 14 magazines.

Flash forward a couple of hours and it turns out that Mr. Shue and Emma have not reconciled after the Runaway Bride incident, instead he is just escaping from reality by watching old movies to calm his nerves and waiting for her to come back. And here comes our well-thought out theme for the week: MOVIES! EVERYONE LOVES MOVIES!! Shue assigns Glee Club the task of competing with each other (Boys vs. Girls + Unique of course) and the word "Regionals" is thrown in there I guess to try to legitimize wasting a week singing in elaborate costumes. The word  "THEATRICALITY" is also brought up and I immediately wish everyone would just wear a dress made out of beanie babies.  (So I guess Regionals should be happening soon? They might not even have time to go to Nationals this year which is totes fine with me.)

So anyway, it's Guys vs. Dolls yadayadayada but Blaine and Brittany want to do a duet because it seems like their voices really go well together (NO THEY DON'T) and the whole team erupts into Glee's 500th musical number!!!! NOW WAIIIIIIT A MINUTE.  Congrats to Glee on doing so many unnecessary numbers (Womanizer, The Rain in Spain, Gimme More, GANGHAM FUCKING STYLE, Make No Mistake, Somethin Stupid, Hung Up, Nowadays etc). And again I ask why is Brittany singing???? why????? why??? But I loved the dancing in the library, can never go wrong with army-crawling through the stacks.

The boys went first, and performed an ode to Tom Cruise pre-scientology with Danger Zone and Old Time Rock and Roll. Initial thoughts:

-Blaine looks weird in those glasses, but not as weird as Teen Jesus

-My main man Matty Boi used to put on those same aviators and CRUSH a lip sync version of Danger Zone

-You know Ryan Murphy just wanted the 3 hotties to wear no pants nance

The girls could have easily come out and crushed it AND IF YOU ARE GOING TO DO 2 MOULIN ROUGE SONGS IN ONE EPISODE CLEARLY YOU NEED TO DO LADY MARMALADE LIKE WTF IS THIS A JOKE? So yeah the winner is....

...EVERYONE!! hahaha I love whoever shouted out "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THIS?!" to Mr. Shue. But it's okay, they are all losers and everyone cut FOOTLOOSE and now I know the actual words to "Footloose", thanks Trout Mout.

Takeaways from the Movies competition:

1. These kids could actually win a Glee Club competition...I'm feeling it

2. Blaine and Marley need to get all of the solos (sorry Maggie/Artie)

3.  How are they gonna stand in a line doing feet things with poor Artie sitting there doing hand motions? Messed up.

Pero, donde esta Emma? Finn is feeling guilty that he still hasn't told his bro Mr. Shue about the most awkward kiss ever so he tries to make it right by finding Emma. Artie suggests a Lady Manhunt but as Finn puts it so eloquently "Ain't nobody got time for that!!" hahaha sometimes Finn is okay with me. So Artie and Finn became gingers for the day holy hilarious and found the coordinates to Emma's hideaway.

In one of the more predictable musical numbers, Mr. Shue sang his Broadway version of "In Your Eyes" holding a stereo (one of the greatest songs EVVVVVEEERRR) and Emma came out of hiding. Loved it besides this insanely awkward exchange that will go down in history.

Emma: Will are you crazy?

Will: Crazy for you ha HA!

Hahahah anyway when all of the music died down, Emma came out and told Will that she ran because she feel like she doesn't know him anymore. He is exactly the same weirdo he has always been Emma, trust me. But the answer to all problems is to watch a movie!!! So that's settled. Except one thing, fuck you Emma. You can't just leave someone at the altar. Will, go get back with Terri, she loved you enough to steal someone's baby.

But wait- it ain't over yall. FINN DROPPED A BOMB and told Shue about the kiss. DAMN Mr. Shue just gave him the death stare like whoa. Holy moly let's see what happens when people stop being polite, and START GETTING REAL.

Ok that's enough Glee Club drama for now, although we have more to come.

Let's check in on REAL WORLD: Back to New York

The NY thing is officially working for me- loving everything about it. Santana is the most awesome. She was killing it all episode. I'm just loving this roomie combination.

Satan, Rach, Kurt and Adam's Apple were snowed in after Nyada cancelled classes (THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN) and decided to coincidentally focus on the glee club lesson of the week and watch a MOVIE. Such a small world. Of course it's got to be MOULIN ROUGE BITCHES! Which annoys Santana and brings up a flashback of emotions for Kurt Hummel.

**SIDENOTE... what is happening with his dad?? Doesn't he have cancer??? Wtf Glee you can't just drop that bomb and forget about it!!**

Anyways, they watch Moulin Rouge until Santana can't take it anymore, she has to expose Brody after going through all of the pockets and drawers in the apartment. She finds a pager and wad of cash which clearly points to him being a drug dealer. I'm still thinking prostitute. Rachel is already pissed off and in a terrible mood but it's not just because her boyfriend is made of plastic...

YES, RACHEL IS WITH CHILD!!! After a couple days of avoiding pregnancy films and laying around on the couch with Kurt, Rachel finally broke down when Santana found her pregnancy test. Darnit I love Rachel and Santana in this moment. At least now she has a bitchy friend to keep it 1 hunnid with her- ain't no way Santana is letting her have this child. Aint no way. But we still don't know Hoodatdude aka the Fahjer. Please let it be Finn.

One last thing about NY. I am just imagining what the directors told Kurt in that dance studio. "Just spin around aimlessly and tell him you are working on your pirouettes." hahahah I am laughing so hard imagining this.

Back to the Future: Marley Jake Ryder

Ok, this love triange is slowly becoming my favorite thing about Glee. Whattttt????  WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME???

Last episode we saw Marley getting kissed ever so tenderly by Ryder, after her boyfriend Jake was just existing looking so cute and awesome. This week, to make up for having no original Vday ideas, Jake created a romantic re-creation of the movie Ghost?? (whatever) that includes them molding clay together. Weird clay molding with hand pornography will always remind me of the Godfather 3 so I am slightly disgusted. But as he sings Unchained Melody to her (one of the greatest songs ever ever EVER EVER) all she can think of is RYDERRRR!!! I don't know if that is just because she feels guilty or because she really likes him but either way either way. She decides to tell Jake the truth and he is NOT happy I gotta tell you sthin. So now I'm sure Jake and Ryder will be enemies again BORING. But it was fun while it lasted.

Overall Grade for the Episode: A

Really really really enjoyed it. Hilarious, good, good, hilarious. I love Glee.

Favorite Performance of the Episode: Come What May performed by Blaine and Kurt. This barely beat out Unchained Melody but OMG YES it was just splendid HOLY MOTHER OF SWEET JESUS. Great movie, great song. And yeah get it shawty to Kurt coming in with that female voice like you know you can! Gave me chills and tears. Beautiful.

Least Favorite Performance of the Episode: Diamonds Are a Girls Best Friend performed by the Girls + Unique. Why are yall acting like you mashed it up? That mix was already done. Your clear straps are showing bitches.

Favorite Moment of the Episode: Santana: "Brody is freaking psycho."

Least Favorite Moment of the Episode: Mr. Shue being himself time and time again.

Other thoughts:

-"You dont get to be Les Miz just because you are the poster"

-Watching Glee with Commercial breaks is so fweaky

-Emma has a sister?

-I love Sugar Motta. "We should do the Artist."

-Nicholas Cage impression HIGH PRAISE!

-"Boys are like lumps of coal. They're dirty and they're cheap and they get hot when they're rubbed. Some turn into diamonds so collect as many as you can!"

- I should make a drinking game whenever Artie says Preach take a shot  

-Kurt is looking strapping lately isn't he?

Glist

1. Blaine (He sang on almost every song and that is the way it is done ladies and gents!)

2. Santana

3. Sam

4. Rachel

5. Ryder

6. Jake

7. Marley

8. Kurt

9. Sugar

10. Kitty

Next Week's Episode

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2SBCyZgd80

Are we supposed to believe that Mr. Shue knows how to physically hurt someone? bye bye bye (Bye bye!)

-----------In other news: AMERICAN IDOL SUB-BLOG------------

I am IN IT TO WIN IT this season and you can thank a random stumbling upon last year's Holy Trinity of J Names: Jessica Sanchez, Joshua Ledet and J LOOOOOOOOOO! Yooooloooo Jlooooo.

This season is cray. I love the judges.

Keith Urban is somehow hot and beautiful and lovely with that horrendous haircut and actually smart and insightful and everytime he opens his mouth I want to SOMO!

Nicki Minaj my lil ladybug is out of fucking control but I still love it! Clearly she is supposed to be the harsh, Simonesque judge and I'm fine with her ridiculous critiques of what people are wearing their "TONE" (In a thick NY accent) even though that bitch knows not one damn thing about singing. One thing I could do without is her PG-13 rated comments (this is family show bitch!) and her constant suggestion that certain contestants could make it outside of American Idol. Ummm clearly they can't and that is why they are on American Idol. Stop belittling the show- this is American effing Idol don't be so disrespectful!

Randy is my dawg for life. (Randy Jackson laugh)

Mariah you're on fiyah! I have been hating on Mariah Carey for the last 10 years but when she opens up her mouth and says something nerdy about music I just LOVE IT and through this I have been reintroduced to what a BOSS singer she is and I can't help but root for her to not stumble over her words as she tends to do.

Going into the top 10. Love all the girls except Janelle- but she will make it all the way to the top 3 Nikki McKibbin-style because country fans are bonkers. The boys are BLAAAAAAAAHHHHH with a capital VOMIT but atleast Charlie didn't get in who has completely been pushed to the brink of insanity by this competition. I LOATHE Curtis Finch Jr's fake personality but GOD JESUS dammit why is he so good at singing??? Favorite guy is BURNELL by far he rocks my world.

One more thing.. I think that my talents could be used in the following ways:

-Choosing songs for Glee and American Idol contestants to sing

- Choreographing Glee musical numbers

If any of the 2 of you who have read this far down my blog has any connections in those areas than hook a sista up! 

Seacrest, out.