It's a shame that Glee got pushed back 2
weeks, I'm sure they created the whole entire theme of this episode to coincide
with Oscars. (DJAAAANNNGOOOOOOO)
But alas, American Idol stomped its
big fabulous foot all over poor lil Glee and we had to come back to what seemed
like another random Mr. Shue idea from hell.
We started off with a Will and Emma musical number that nobody asked for. Will Shuester
trying to be on Broadway again and no one under the age of 75 has any idea what
movie that was supposed to be from. But you know what it was cute, and Emma is a
little ladybug and just adorable in everything she does but then BAM Will
Shuester wakes up from his slumber and IT WAS ALL A DREAM. I USED TO READ J 14
magazines.
Flash forward a couple of hours and it turns
out that Mr. Shue and Emma have not reconciled after the Runaway Bride incident, instead he
is just escaping from reality by watching old movies to calm his nerves and waiting for her to
come back. And here comes our well-thought out theme for the week: MOVIES! EVERYONE LOVES MOVIES!! Shue
assigns Glee Club the task of competing with each other (Boys vs. Girls +
Unique of course) and the word "Regionals" is thrown in there I guess
to try to legitimize wasting a week singing in elaborate costumes. The word "THEATRICALITY" is also
brought up and I immediately wish everyone would just wear a dress made out of
beanie babies. (So I guess
Regionals should be happening soon? They might not even have time to go to
Nationals this year which is totes fine with me.)
So anyway, it's Guys vs. Dolls yadayadayada but Blaine and Brittany want to do a duet because it seems like their
voices really go well together (NO THEY DON'T) and the whole team erupts into
Glee's 500th musical number!!!! NOW WAIIIIIIT A MINUTE. Congrats to Glee on doing so many
unnecessary numbers (Womanizer, The Rain in Spain, Gimme More, GANGHAM FUCKING
STYLE, Make No Mistake, Somethin Stupid, Hung Up, Nowadays etc). And again I
ask why is Brittany singing???? why????? why??? But I loved the dancing in the library, can never go wrong with army-crawling
through the stacks.
The boys went first, and performed an ode to
Tom Cruise pre-scientology with Danger
Zone and Old Time Rock and Roll. Initial thoughts:
-Blaine looks weird in those glasses, but not as weird as Teen Jesus
-My main man Matty Boi used to put on those
same aviators and CRUSH a lip sync version of Danger Zone
-You know Ryan Murphy just wanted the 3
hotties to wear no pants nance
The girls could have easily come out and
crushed it AND IF YOU ARE GOING TO DO 2 MOULIN ROUGE SONGS IN ONE EPISODE
CLEARLY YOU NEED TO DO LADY MARMALADE LIKE WTF IS THIS A JOKE? So yeah the
winner is....
...EVERYONE!! hahaha I love whoever shouted
out "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THIS?!" to Mr. Shue. But it's okay, they
are all losers and everyone cut FOOTLOOSE and now I know the actual words to "Footloose", thanks Trout Mout.
Takeaways from the Movies competition:
1. These kids could actually win a Glee Club competition...I'm
feeling it
2. Blaine and Marley need to get all of the
solos (sorry Maggie/Artie)
3.
How are they gonna stand in a line doing feet things with poor Artie
sitting there doing hand motions? Messed up.
Pero, donde esta Emma? Finn is feeling guilty that he still hasn't told his bro Mr. Shue
about the most awkward kiss ever so he tries to make it right by
finding Emma. Artie suggests a Lady Manhunt but as Finn puts it so eloquently
"Ain't nobody got time for that!!" hahaha sometimes Finn is okay with
me. So Artie and Finn became gingers for the day holy hilarious and found the
coordinates to Emma's hideaway.
In one of the more predictable musical
numbers, Mr. Shue sang his Broadway version of "In Your Eyes" holding
a stereo (one of the greatest songs EVVVVVEEERRR) and Emma came out of hiding.
Loved it besides this insanely awkward exchange that will go down in history.
Emma: Will are you crazy?
Will: Crazy for you ha HA!
Hahahah anyway when all of the music died
down, Emma came out and told Will that she ran because she feel like she
doesn't know him anymore. He is exactly the same weirdo he has always been Emma,
trust me. But the answer to all problems is to watch a movie!!! So that's
settled. Except one thing, fuck you Emma. You can't just leave someone at the
altar. Will, go get back with Terri, she loved you enough to steal someone's
baby.
But wait- it ain't over yall. FINN DROPPED A
BOMB and told Shue about the kiss. DAMN Mr. Shue just gave him the death stare
like whoa. Holy moly let's see what happens when people stop being polite, and
START GETTING REAL.
Ok that's enough Glee Club drama for now,
although we have more to come.
Let's check in on REAL WORLD: Back to New York
The NY thing is officially working for me-
loving everything about it. Santana is the most awesome. She was killing
it all episode. I'm just loving this roomie combination.
Satan, Rach, Kurt and Adam's Apple were snowed in after Nyada cancelled classes (THAT WOULD NEVER
HAPPEN) and decided to coincidentally focus on the glee club lesson of the week
and watch a MOVIE. Such a small world. Of course it's got to be MOULIN ROUGE
BITCHES! Which annoys Santana and brings up a flashback of emotions for Kurt
Hummel.
**SIDENOTE... what is happening with his dad?? Doesn't he have cancer??? Wtf Glee you can't just drop that bomb and forget about it!!**
Anyways, they watch Moulin Rouge until Santana can't take it anymore, she has
to expose Brody after going through
all of the pockets and drawers in the apartment. She finds a pager and wad of
cash which clearly points to him being a drug dealer. I'm still thinking
prostitute. Rachel is already pissed off and in a terrible mood but it's not
just because her boyfriend is made of plastic...
YES, RACHEL
IS WITH CHILD!!! After a couple days of avoiding pregnancy films and laying
around on the couch with Kurt, Rachel finally broke down when Santana found
her pregnancy test. Darnit I love Rachel and Santana in this moment. At least
now she has a bitchy friend to keep it 1 hunnid with her- ain't no way Santana
is letting her have this child. Aint no way. But we still don't know
Hoodatdude aka the Fahjer. Please let it be Finn.
One last thing about NY. I am just imagining
what the directors told Kurt in that dance studio. "Just spin around
aimlessly and tell him you are working on your pirouettes." hahahah I am
laughing so hard imagining this.
Back to the Future: Marley Jake Ryder
Ok, this love triange is slowly becoming my
favorite thing about Glee. Whattttt????
WHAT IS HAPPENING
TO ME???
Last episode we saw Marley getting kissed ever so tenderly by Ryder, after her
boyfriend Jake was just existing looking so cute and awesome. This week, to
make up for having no original Vday ideas, Jake created a romantic re-creation
of the movie Ghost?? (whatever) that includes them molding clay together. Weird
clay molding with hand pornography will always remind me of the Godfather 3 so
I am slightly disgusted. But as he sings Unchained Melody to her (one of the
greatest songs ever ever EVER EVER) all she can think of is RYDERRRR!!! I
don't know if that is just because she feels guilty or because she really likes
him but either way either
way. She decides to tell Jake
the truth and he is NOT happy I gotta tell you sthin. So now I'm sure Jake and Ryder will be
enemies again BORING. But it was fun while it lasted.
Overall Grade for the Episode: A
Really really really enjoyed it. Hilarious,
good, good, hilarious. I love Glee.
Favorite Performance of the Episode: Come What May performed by
Blaine and Kurt. This barely beat out Unchained
Melody but OMG YES it was just
splendid HOLY MOTHER OF SWEET JESUS. Great movie, great song. And yeah get it
shawty to Kurt coming in with that female voice like you know you can! Gave me
chills and tears. Beautiful.
Least Favorite Performance of the Episode: Diamonds Are a Girls Best Friend performed by the Girls + Unique. Why are yall acting like you
mashed it up? That mix was already done. Your clear straps are showing bitches.
Favorite Moment of the Episode: Santana: "Brody is freaking
psycho."
Least Favorite Moment of the Episode: Mr. Shue being himself time and time again.
Other thoughts:
-"You dont get to be Les Miz just because you
are the poster"
-Watching Glee with Commercial breaks is so
fweaky
-Emma has a sister?
-I love Sugar Motta. "We should do the Artist."
-Nicholas Cage impression HIGH PRAISE!
-"Boys are like lumps of coal. They're
dirty and they're cheap and they get hot when they're rubbed. Some turn into
diamonds so collect as many as you can!"
- I should make a drinking game whenever
Artie says Preach take a shot
-Kurt is looking strapping lately isn't he?
Glist
1. Blaine (He sang on almost every song and
that is the way it is done ladies and gents!)
2. Santana
3. Sam
4. Rachel
5. Ryder
6. Jake
7. Marley
8. Kurt
9. Sugar
10. Kitty
Next Week's Episode
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2SBCyZgd80
Are we supposed to believe that Mr. Shue
knows how to physically hurt someone? bye bye bye (Bye bye!)
-----------In other news: AMERICAN IDOL SUB-BLOG------------
I am IN IT TO WIN IT this season and you can
thank a random stumbling upon last year's Holy Trinity of J Names: Jessica
Sanchez, Joshua Ledet and J LOOOOOOOOOO! Yooooloooo Jlooooo.
This season is cray. I love the judges.
Keith Urban is somehow hot and beautiful and
lovely with that horrendous haircut and actually smart and insightful and
everytime he opens his mouth I want to SOMO!
Nicki Minaj my lil ladybug is out of fucking
control but I still love it! Clearly she is supposed to be the harsh,
Simonesque judge and I'm fine with her ridiculous critiques of what people are
wearing their "TONE" (In a thick NY accent) even though that bitch
knows not one damn thing about singing. One thing I could do without is her
PG-13 rated comments (this is family show bitch!) and her constant suggestion
that certain contestants could make it outside of American Idol. Ummm clearly
they can't and that is why they are on American Idol. Stop belittling the show-
this is American effing Idol don't be so disrespectful!
Randy is my dawg for life. (Randy Jackson
laugh)
Mariah you're on fiyah! I have been hating on
Mariah Carey for the last 10 years but when she opens up her mouth and says
something nerdy about music I just LOVE IT and through this I have been
reintroduced to what a BOSS singer she is and I can't help but root for her to
not stumble over her words as she tends to do.
Going into the top 10. Love all the girls
except Janelle- but she will make it all the way to the top 3 Nikki McKibbin-style because country
fans are bonkers. The boys are BLAAAAAAAAHHHHH with a capital VOMIT but atleast
Charlie didn't get in who has completely been pushed to the brink of insanity
by this competition. I LOATHE Curtis Finch Jr's fake personality but GOD
JESUS dammit why is he so good at singing??? Favorite guy is BURNELL by far he
rocks my world.
One more thing.. I think that my talents
could be used in the following ways:
-Choosing songs for Glee and American Idol
contestants to sing
- Choreographing Glee musical numbers
If any of the 2 of you who have read this far
down my blog has any connections in those areas than hook a sista up!
Seacrest, out.
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