Are any of yall into Glee like I am? Lesbihonest

DISCLAIMER: My internet service was slow this morning so I only had time to watch the episode once. If I miss something- shut up whatever man!

Although I thought the episode started slow, before I knew it we had zipped through 5 major storylines in no time! Here are the storylines ranked in importance from greatest to least (in my opinion)

1. Shelby/Puck/Quinn
2. Santana
3. Student Election
4. Coach Beiste Love Triangle
5. Real-life Election

That being said, I will give 1-2 sentences on items 3-5.

Student Election. Brittany Sucks, Kurt Rules- RACHEL IS AN IDIOT for not counting the number of seniors at McKinley. If you're going to rig an election- do your research! Now I have to watch a sectionals performance without your brilliance??? Next time, think of how your actions might affect others, RB.

Coach Beiste Love Triangle. Cooter the Recruiter has weird taste in women. Jolene JOOOOLLLLEEEEENNNE. (CLAASSSIC parton)

Real-Life Election. HOORAY Baboon Heart. That's all I got.

Onto more important issues facing this episode:

With things taking an even more scandalous turn, I wish that the focal point of the episode would have been the Shelby/Puck/Quinn storyline. As someone who has been on the Puck/Quinn relationship train since Season 1, I was super hype when Puck delivered this zinger to Quinny Poo:  

"Look, I was into you a couple years ago because you were hot like a pixie and I thought you were pretty much cooler than every other girl in the school, but it turns out you're kind of nuts. You're higher maintenance than Berry and pretty much the most selfish person I ever met in my life. So, thanks for the offer but I'd rather raw-dog a beehive."

I think he expressed what we were all feeling, that Quinn used to be the shit and now has disgusted even her biggest fans (me.) What a dumb whore trying to have unprotected sex in order to get pregnant again! Cuz that worked out so well for you the first time, idiot. Little did Quinn know, Puck's rejection had less to do with her being a psycho and more with him trying to hump Shelby. WHICH HE DID. Holy smokes. 

And here is where I get confused. So Shelby calls Puck to the hospital, he saves the day, and they bang. Ok, fine. Then she kicks him out right after. From the looks of it, they had sex during the day, which means she wasn't drunk AND the lights were on. And then she regrets it right after? Doesn't work that way. It's like kissing someone sober- that shit's REAL! So Puck stood up for himself like I wish half of the girls at McKinley would do (come on Rachel, Coach Beiste you can't just come running back!) and left Ms. Corcoran's bed to have angry sex with Quinn. 

Then comes what I think is a very important conversation between Quinn and Puck, when he acknowledges that he took part in screwing her up, and that she has issues and needs help. (Nice job calling out the Glee Club who seem to have forgotten about her Skank days) And I think that she acknowledges it too, which I HOPE is a turning point for Quinn. But of course Puck has to make the biggest mistake of the episode (yes, bigger than Rachel miscalculating her ballot stuffing) and told Quinn about banging Shelby. OH MY LORD. I can only imagine what she will do with this (and judging by her evil glare- she might actually murder Shelby). One last observation, does Shelby's performance in the last song mean that she loves Puck? WHAT IS GOING ON.

My take on the Santana portion of tonight's episode:

I'm never a fan of episodes where most of the performances are done as "choir-room performances" and I thought the idea of making her come out to the New Directions through Lady to Lady song tributes was weird. (Finn grasping for straws to remain the leader, but at least he is taking a stand against suicide?) I'm also confused; are Santana and Brittany actually dating, or better question, does Brittany know that they are dating? I'm glad Santana and Finn are friends now, but I did feel kind of uncomfortable with all of his proclamations of love and his acknowledgment of her taking his V card. Rachel- you gonna check him?  His "Girls Just wanna have fun" was great. I cried, of course. Also her scene with her Abuela was unintentionally funny with all of the spanish 1 phrases. Escuchame. Por Favor. Rice and Beans on her plate. Overall, it was done well and I guess she is embracing the Lebanese within? Go girl.

Since I loved all of the performances tonight- Instead of picking a favorite and least-favorite I will rank them! heck ya

#6 Jolene performed by Coach Beiste. I love this song and although Beiste didn't sing it particularly well, I thought it was super great!
  #5 Girls just want to have fun performed by Finn- took me a minute to realize what the song was. It was kind of creepy the way Finn sat in the chair backwards, all up in Satana's face. But once the boys chimed in with background vocals I was crying. Go Finn.
#4 Perfect performed by Blurt. So adorable. Blaine is perfect. I think I've said that 4 weeks in a row. 
#3 I kissed a girl- Perfection. Rachel and Satan on lead. They should duet more often! Much better than the original and it seemed like they were all friends again. Aw. 
#2 I'm the only one performed by Puck- PUCKERMANNNNN. singing an already fantastic song, looking like a lunatic singing to Shelby who can't decide what kind of facial expression to wear, while Quinn and Rachel looks confused as all hell.
#1 Constant Craving- Santana + Shelby. And then a little bit of Kurt. No words. I cried.

Favorite moment of the episode: (Since I already mentioned Puck pwning Quinn) When Beiste ordered all of that chicken at Breadsticks.

Least favorite moment of the episode:  Brittany becoming President and announcing that Kurt was still a unicorn! What does that even mean???? Stop.

Other random thoughts:
Loved Kurt and Blaine's support of each other
Sugar Motta is becoming a hilarious backgrounder
Mr. Shue is still oblivious to everything going on around him
Quinn looked mad tall this episode. Has she grown or is she wearing heels?
How will these clubs be able to compete at Sectionals? Don't you have to have 12 members?
Coach Beiste eating chicken stuffed in turkey stuffed in ham. Gotta keep your energy up to count ballots.

Puck's Mohawk needs a tune up

Next Week:
RETURN OF TROUTY MOUTH And he is a stripper. ANNNND SECTIONALS. So excited!

Thank Glee Later: Turkey in the Straw and I don't curr

Wait, I’m confused..why is Rachel blogging about Glee even though there was no new episode this week?

In the spirit of Thanksgiving I am giving back to all of my many fans and readers by supplying you with some freestyle blogging. Am I being too thirsty? Think I'm weird? My response to your judgment:  anyone who reads this blog knows that I’m extremely weyud and you still are reading this now so everyone can suck it! Legggo

Before we move on to next week’s episode, let’s reflect on the main characters’ transformations from season 1 thus far and where I hope they go this season:

Rachel Berry

Everyone still hates her, she has bangs now and is even skinnier. Still ambitious but doesn’t get as many solos in Glee Club which is a crime against humanity. Finally got her man (Finn) and is smitten. Season 3 hopes: She gets into NYADA with Kurt and must leave Finn behind because she is going to marry Ryan Gosling later. Song suggestions: “Speechless” (Gaga) “Glitter in the Air” (Pink), "I WAS HERE" (Beyonce) SHOUT OUT TO KATE SOUTHALL. tm

Finn

Finn is STILL deciding whether to be a “born-leader” or insecure frankenteen. LovingRachel337 and trying to figure out his future. Has something against Blaine and keeps getting pwned by Santana. Season 3 hopes: I weirdly want him to get back with Quinn even though I hate them together. I must be tired. Song suggestions: "My Girl" "Hey There Delilah" "I only wanna be with you" (Hootie)

Kurt

Figured out he was gay, and is now super confident and dating the most perfect human in existence. BFF’s with Rache again and doesn’t seem like he even speaks to Mercedes. Trying to get into NYADA. Season 3 Hopes: Become President, gets into NYADA and has a flawless relationship with Blaine. Song suggestions: Superbass. hahahaha
Happy Birthday Tony!

Blaine

Transferred to McKinley. About to be the star of New Directions. Season 3 hopes: Becomes the star of New Directions. Song suggestions: “Moves Like Jagger” with Santana, “I want it that way” or “It’s Gonna be Me” or any Nsync, BSB, 98 Degrees song. LFO, too.

Santana

Getting much more screen time than Season 1, now has fully committed to being Lebanese and her love for best friend Brittany, and is head cheerleader with Becky now that Quinny has gone rogue. Quit New Directions and joined the Troubletones. Has become more hateful somehow. Season 3 hopes: She gets over Brittany and likes some better (nevermind I’ll find someone like you) and becomes BFF’s with Quinn. Song Suggestions: “Since You’ve Been Gone”,  “You Oughta Know” “Almost Lover”

Quinn

The biggest turnaround from Season 1, has lost her damn mind, cut her hair and gone evil. Trying to get baby Beth back and pretending to be nice. Or is she? Season 3 hopes: Puck or Santana or Sam helps her truly see the errors of her way, she cleans up her act, rejoins the Cheerios, rocks a high pony and dates either Puck or Sam. Song suggestions:  “There are worse things I could do”, “Never Grow Up” (to Beth) “Not like the Movies.” Sade’s “By your side”

Puck

Still loving Moms. Is a good dad and has ditched his bad boy attitude for a happy-go-lucky showtune singing fool swag. Stock is definitely up. Season 3 hopes: He has both Shelbers and Quinn fall in love with him and gets into college. Song Suggestions: “Details in the Fabric” to Quinn, "Let's Get it On"

Sam

About to come back to apparently court Mercedes. Season 3 Hopes: Dates Quinn. Song Suggestions: “Daughters” (About Quinn), "I'm Yours"

Mercedes

STILL has not gotten over her Rachel Berry complex. In the Troubletones and dating Shane who is going to play college football “Cha-Ching!”. Season 3 Hopes: She makes up with Rachel and rejoins New Directions. Song Suggestions: If I ain’t got you/I have Nothing” Mashup “Call Tyrone”

Artie

Gets no love. Still in a wheelchair. Song Suggestions: “Sexy and I know it” and “Use Somebody”. (“I’ve been rolling around…")

Brittany

Mind of a 4year old and body of a pilates instructor. Dumped Artie to kinda date Santana. Season 3 Hopes: She dances a lot. Song Suggestions: Leave the singing to the pros.

Sue, Tina, Mike Chang, Rory, Mr. Shue, Emma, Beiste- keep swaying in the background where we like you!

Top 8- Fave Season 3 Performances so far

8. We got the Beat performed by the New Directions. Return of the New Directions-cafeteria-style. Great features of Rachel and Brittany. Brittana’s cheer uniforms are so great. Mike slapped his own butt. They had so much heart even though everyone looked disgusted with them. I watch this performance often! B  
(Episode 1-The Purple Piano Project)

7.  It’s not unusual performed by Blaine. If Blaine singing Carlton Bank’s anthem wasn’t boss enough, the Cheerio’s came and set it off. Little did we know Santana’s perfect performance in Blaine would lead to her being kicked out of the New Directions for 5 minutes. B+

 (Episode 1-The Purple Piano Project)

6. America performed by Santana, Puck and Tina Cohen Chang the Vampire. Santana is TO DIE FOR. PwwwairtoRrrrico. Better get rid of your ahhxscent. Love group numbers- would have liked to see more Mike Chang dancing. A- 
(Episode 5-The First Time)

5. I’m the Greatest Star performed by Kurt. You climb up on that metal thing and spin those weird claw baton things! Stick around for the jokes. Must I reiterate everything’s coming up Kurt! A-

(Episode 2- I Am Unicorn)

4. Uptown Girl performed by The Warblers. Sebastian. Do I need to go on? A

(Episode 5-The First Time)

3. It’s all over performed by the New Directions feat. Mercedes. Now you watch your mouth, watch your mouth Ms. Effie White. Well they didn’t say that line but anytime you get Mr. Shue, Kurt, Puck, Finn, Chang and Santana yelling at Mercedes via song- ba da ba ba ba I’m loving it. A

(Episode 3- Asian F)

2. Rumour Has It/Someone Like You performed by the Trouble Tones. I realize I put this ahead of the ND Mashup as my favorite performance of the episode last week, but that was because I had watched the Adele mashup like 20 times before the episode aired thus making me feel like I was obsessed with it. Turns out I became obsessed with the number one pick more… A+

 (Episode 6-Mash Off)

1. I Can’t Go For That/You Make my Dreams Come True performed by the New Directions. Didn’t appreciate it’s full excellence until I watched it 40 times. The outfits, the hair and mustaches. Finn dancing like a freak. Quinn solo. Puck's point to Shelby. Shelby and Santana's looks of disgust. Gleeeeeful. A+

(Episode 6 -Mash Off) 

Now that I have spent 2-3 hours writing this blog, I realize that I have become even more of a weirdo than before. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? Happy Thanksgiving Gleeotches.

World War Glee and the Slap Heard 'Round the World

I know my millions of readers have been waiting patiently for my in-depth analysis of last night's Mash-Off episode, so wait no longer! Here tis!

First issue we will tackle is the "Hot For Teacher" plot featuring Noah Puckerman and "Ms. C". First I would like to address that Blaine and Mike Chang sword fought with mic stands and then did a toe -touch. Now I would like to give you 10 reasons why I think Puck and Shelby or "Porkoran" should be together.

1. Shelby is looking extra bangin and worthy of the sex shark that is Puck.

2. Quinn can suck it.

3. This is scandalous and I LOVE IT!

4. I hate baby talk more than anything, and Puck's baby talk wasn't even annoying!

5. Puck's race through the hallways to be at two different lockers was adorable.

6. I'd like a Porkoran duet.

7. Is Shelby Jewish? Cuz if so- then there's that.

8. I'm hot.

9. You're hot.

10. Beth needs a dad.

Also in response to a text I received from Allison Perri Newman saying "I'm just nowhere near attracted to [Puck] anymore," I would say I agree- I'm more of a Finn/Sebastian luster now BUT Puck is becoming one of my favorite characters each week. Just over the moon with this situation. And again, Quinn can suck it. The only good thing she has done this whole season was being ridiculously cute during tonight's mash-up. More on that later.

We have now arrived to the political portion of our program! Brit, Kurt, Rachel and Rick the Dick gave their speeches in the McKinley High Presidential Race. Brit promised to eliminate three things: tornadoes, shirts on tuesdays, and uhhhhh what's the third thing? I can't... Oops. Rachel decided to drop out of the race. Good for her? Whatever, Kurt got to be Prom Queen- that's a resume booster right? But I'm glad they are friends again. Clearly, Kurt is the best candidate (not much competition) however he maybe should have focused on the anti-bullying crusade instead of outlawing the greatest game that a Ben Stiller movie was based on! Is Dodgeball really that prolific at Mckinley that he can base his whole campaign on it?

Speaking of Dodgeball, what a great way to solve your differences. (Kinda being sarcastic- kinda not). In real life- New Directions would have crushed the Trouble Tones, but for fictional purposes I will go along with the outcome and blame it on Artie wheeling around in everyone's way. Also would just like to point out that I saw a lot of people getting hit but no one standing out on the sidelines. Play by the rules much? And poor Rory! Santana is the worst this episode.

Which brings us to the clash of titans: Satan and Finn and the "Mash offs" between the two groups. Santana, who is clearly taking out her bottled up feelings out on Finn, was out of control tonight. Also, Finn's insult about her being JLo with a flat ass or whatever was great- if I ever received that "insult" I would be the happiest girl in America! After Santana was straight up evil to Finn, I didn't blame him for hitting her where it hurt (basically outing her to the school) but that was a low blow. Even Kurt didn't out Karofsky after he threatened to kill him. But it is what it is and it all came to a head during the competition...

I would like to say that I absolutely lovvvvved the New Directions Hall and Oates mash up. It was cute, hilarious, sounded great, featured Finn, Quinn, Tina and Rory, had the greatest hair I've ever seen and was so fun. But clearly the Adele mashup was one of the best songs Glee has ever done. Need I say more? Holy crap. Oh and then Santana slapped Finn. I was like whoa. I feel bad for her but damn bitch! I hope she gets at least some ISS for that.

Again, don't care about Sue and Burt.

Favorite Performance of the Week:

Rumour Has it/Someone Like You- it was so much better than I expected- Santana just sounds so damn good, and the mashup was perfect.

Least Favorite Performance:

One Way or Another/Hit me with your best shot- I didn't hate it but I didn't love it.  I did love the no-hands cartwheels though.

Favorite Moment of the Week:

Ms. Corcoran finding out the truth about Quinny and telling her where to shove it.

Least Favorite Moment of the Week:

Mr. Shue and Emma in bed while she was wearing that ridiculous yellow robe and trying to have a teaching moment.

Other Random Thoughts:

I really liked the "You and I" mash-up. Shelby is the bomb.

They are really trying to make the Rory thing work. Wamp.

What are the chances that NYATA will take two kids from the same school?

Sugar Motta's line:" I sound just like her" (Adele). Me too, girl.

New Directions needs to recruit some girls before sectionals. Zizes anyone?

Finn and Blaine have some awk tension. Blaine is about to get a solo soon I can feel it!

Mr. Shue is one of the most dramatic and animated grown men I've ever seen.

Next episode:

There's no Glee next week, but the next episode looks insane!!! Why are Puck and Quinn laying in bed together?????? Ahhhh! Can't Wait

If You Seek Artie

This week's Glee episode "The First Time" got all DEGRASSI on us, and I loved it! Let's get it on, shall we?

So even though this week's episode was not about Artie at all, there was a lot of dialogue about  him growing up and bossing people around. Is it too much to ask for an Artie performance?!?!? You couldn't find a song that related to being a director? I Just Can't Wait to Be King? Apparently he is McKinley High's Dr. Ruth (I wonder how many times he and Brit Brit did the nasty) and he urged/pressured Rachel, Blaine and Coach Beiste to do the wild thing. I thought the whole premise of having sex to understand Maria and Tony's passion was dumb, but luckily the actual having of the sexual relations didn't really have anything to do with Artie's suggestions. Moving on to the cutest couple of the year...

Blaine and Kurt! Some thoughts: I am obsessed with Blaine. He is perfect in every way- (sex on a stick and sings like a dream) and he is such a great boyfriend to not jump ALL OVER new Warbler, Sebastian. (Sebastian is the best thing I have ever seen and he has LACROSSE SWAG. Maaaavelous.) Although Karofsky being in the gay bar was random, I'm glad to know he switched school and Kurt helped him be happier. (Btw, loved the fake ids that looked nothing like them. Jessica Marie Todd anyone?) And Kurt's shimmying on the dance floor and Blaine not being embarrased showing that these two are made for each other. Their scene on the stage had me in tears. Oh yeah and they got it on! But I don't know how long either one of them can resist Sebastian... I mean come on. He is straight fire.

And onto my favorite Glee couple ever, (besides Puck and Quinn) Finchel. Okay, first want to say, that Finn is a straight up IDIOT to think that he would get RECRUITED as QUARTERBACK of OHIO STATE. Not even gonna try to play for a D1 school that isn't ranked in the top 25 all the time? Maybe even a D2 or D3 school? Idiot. But Rachel and Finn have overcome all obstacles and even though Finn forgot she was a vegan, they love each other and sweetly made love (I'm assuming). I really enjoy any scenes with them, and I cried during that last performance with the cuts to Rachel and Finn in bed, okay??

Mike Chang is sad about his Dad. But apparently he banged Tina last summer so he can't be that sad.

Favorite Performance of the Week:

"America". Santana and Puck singing lead, dancing, great dresses- they killed it. I love this performance so much! 

A close second:

"Uptown Girl" by the Warblers. Still killing it without Blaine.

Favorite Moment of the week: (Tie)

1. Rory's effed up hispanic accent.

2. Puck: "I thought they were my sneakers. What?"

Least Favorite Moment of the Week:

Mike Chang's Dad always showing up during school hours. Really friend? Go back to work and let your son learn.

Other Random Thoughts:

Love a good Reba McIntire reference. (I'mmmmm REBA!)

Kurt's Taylor Lautner fantasy told me that Glee's writers, like myself, believe Taylor Lautner may be coming out of the closet in the future. I go Back to December all the time.

Where was one Sue Sylvester?  Wasn't she crusading against West Side Story?

Seeing Blaine walk through Dalton was a dream.

Loved the all-girls meeting. Not sure why Santana and Brittany were invited and not Mercedes, but I'm not complaining! I wonder if Mercedes and Shane are getting it on, too?

Next week's episode:

Looks like a dodgeball fight between the two clubs and maybe Sectionals???!!! I'm so excited- I hope I don't read all the spoilers and ruin everything like I did this week.

It Ain't Easy Being King of the Leprechauns (Hallelujah, Holla Back)

Top of the morning ta ya!

Glee got a new character! Yay? I didn't watch the Glee Project (except for the last 5 minutes where they announced the winners) so I wasn't in much anticipation for the Irish dude. (Side note: I think it's unwise to let one cast members sing more than one solo per episode... it's boring) That being said, Lucky Charms is a really great singer, and I liked both of his songs- I thought he had a voice similar to Artie's. Man, I bet Artie is pissed that he will never get another solo again. As for Irishy McIrishman's storyline... come on man. So over the "omg Britney is so immature and dumb, let's make up 1 liners about her fat cat and magic unicorns." And if I never have to see that fat cat again I will die a happy gleek! We will see how the Leprechaun fits in the rest of the season. I can see him killing a Christmas song. On to the next one.

Let's talk about Santana, baby. Brit Brit and the artist lovingly referred to as Satan's love affair still hasn't sold me. On the one hand, I believe and understand that Satan loves Brit, and I love Satan Lopez so you go girl, but Brittany is so dumb, their dating relationship is just happening because Brit is single?  I feel sorry for Santana because she is in love with an idiot (Finn hit the nail on the idiot head, although he prob shouldn't have said that to her face) who will date anyone. I'm also sad that Santana left New Directions- it just ain't right. People need to stop bitching about getting solos and be a team player! Sometimes standing in the back of the formation is fun! (Anyone VDT Member who ever stood in the back for the camp dance can attest to this). And Candyman was just ite for me. With all of the songs in the world, and all the Xtina songs for that matter, the choice to use this song as the TroubleTones first number was like whaaa?

Moving on to by used-to-be favorite character, Quinny. Even though as a Quinn fan I am extremely annoyed (I miss her days of rockin her Cheerios uni and high pony) I do understand her motives more. As she explained to Puck, Beth is her chance to not mess up something perfect. (Referring to how she messed up her Cheerios captaincy, her perfect relationships with Sam and Finn, and her prom queen ambitions). Glad that Puck undid her Shelby-sabotage, though. Speaking of Shelbs and Noah...

I'm not as grossed out at this as I thought I would be. I'm truly shocked at myself. Puck is the cutest, and I actually like Shelby. This could be an interesting storyline, if Puck is 18 and they fall in love or something. He could be Rachel's step dad!!! Gwoss.

As far Sue and Burt's campaigns- could not care less. However my favorite line from the episode came from an exchange between the two when Sue says: "It might be a better use of school funds than flying the glee club to New York without a set list only to lose with a song they made up the night before." Finally someone acknowledges how poorly planned the Nationals trip was!

Favorite Performance of the Episode: 

Puck's "Waiting for a Girl Like You". I love Puck, I can't help it. (I also loved Last Friday Night, but it had nothing to do with episode.)

Least Favorite Performance of the Episode:

The Trouble Tones' "Candyman". I'm such a hater! It just made me think of missed opportunities and better songs that could have been sung by Mercedes and Santana. (Brittany did have a great performance though, of course)

Favorite Moment of the Week:

The original glee clubbers (minus Rachel) waving to Mercedes while she practiced with the trouble tones. Took me back to a simpler time. Sigh. 

Least Favorite Moment of the Week: 

Brittany carrying that fat cat in the room, and proceeding to eat its chocolate poop. Just no! 

Laugh out Loud Moment: When Santana made fun of Tina for crying about everything.

Other random thoughts:

I love Principal Figgins, I also loved Epiphany from General Hospital outside his office with a sign that said "ANGRY"

Rachel/Finn dancing during "Last Friday Night" was a highlight for me.

So excited that Sam is coming back! Now where is Zizes?

Loved when Rory hit the falsetto and Kurt was like bitch what?

Overall grade for this week: B

Next Week's Episode: Kurt/Blaine and Finchel getting it on! I can only imagine the songs they might sing. I am beyond excited!