Vaya Con Dios: Heavy Heavy Glee Got So Heavy Baby

OMG.

IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED LAST NIGHT’S GLEE EPISODE, DO NOT READ THIS BLOG POSTING. PLEASE. JUST STOP. IT WOULD MAKE ME REALLY SAD IF I SPOILED THIS EPIC EPISODE FOR SOMEONE.

I don’t even know where to start. How can I even comment on the rest of this episode after what just happened in the last 2 minutes???? I guess the show must go on!

First, the Glee writers are geniuses. The viewership for the April return and the buzz for the next month will be enormous. And I usually give my grade at the end of the post, but I want to start by giving “On My Way” an A++. Omg I just got why it was called “On My Way.” Genius!

Why would I give them such a high grade when they may have possibly taken away my inspiration for classiness and high ponies? Because man, Glee has jammed in so many life lessons in this and every other episode that I can’t be mad at them for their actions. Here is a few things that I learned from Glee this week:

Lesson #1 Be nice to people

Which leads us to the first Debbie downer, yet inspirational plot twist of the episode: Karofsky attempting suicide.

As Blaine performed a perfect rendition of a song I’ve never heard about cough syrup, we all witnessed a dark series of events in Karofsky’s new life. Gosh, I hate high schoolers so much. Whenever I see them hanging around DC, wearing more makeup than I have ever owned and looking like future George Hugelys I just want to shake them and ask, “Why don’t you go home and watch Trading Spaces and Rosie O’ Donnell with your mom like a good child?!?!?”

Poor, poor Karofsky. It was gut-wrenching to watch as he scrolled through the hateful FB comments. (Damn you, Zuckerberg!) And as he got dressed in his suit I was hoping that maybe he was going to turn it around and go to a nice dinner party or formal dance but unfortunately that did not happen.

But on the bright side (?) he lived! (The boy who lived!) But still, everyone was pretty torn up about it, especially, Kurt and Sebastian who felt guilty for the way they treated him. And all of the teachers realized that it is their responsibility to make sure kids are okay. JUST BE NICE TO PEOPLE.  

Lesson #2 It Gets Better

Then, Mr. Shue engaged his team in a “la la la Life is wonderful” circle of fun, which I actually loved. Turns out that Mr. Shue once almost threw himself over a ledge because he was caught cheating (to each his own) with the moral of the story being that everyone has their own dark place, but you have to be able to mentally move on to what’s ahead. BRAVA! Hey everyone, “I know things don’t all go the way they should, but I know the heart of life is good.”

Some of the best ambitions in the happy circle: Seeing Sex and the City Part 3, (IDHI!) Artie seeing his kids walk, (dagger) Puck wanting to graduate high school, (dagger in my heart) and Quinn wanting to graduate from Yale (12 daggers in my large intestine).

Sidenote: Kurt, usually I’m with you 100% but who are you to compare one person’s pain to another, homie? Yes, Quinn has never been a gay teen, but you have never been kicked out by your parents and have never given up your baby for adoption. And been broken up with by the two loves of your life. Soooo shup.

I hope that this episode did something for at least one person who is going through a rough time because IT DOES GET BETTER!

Lesson #3 Too much of nothing is bad enough, too much of something is just as tough (Girl Power)

So then we got to the portion of the episode that we assumed would be the center of the plot (when you assume, it makes an ASS out of U and ME) but only took about 1o minutes: REGIONALS = too much of nothing.  After New Directions refused to negotiate with terrorists (Sebastian), they were ready to whoop up on the Warblers. Warblers… you best be thinking about getting Blaine back because you have nothing without him. Sebastian is ite vocally but again, he will never be Blaine. Those songs needed to be about half as long.

The New Directions came out with some ridiculous song choices. Did I just see the Glee club rapping to Nicki Minaj at a show choir competition? TOO MUCH. I understand the inspirational theme, and the “I came to win” message. But there is only one person who can pull off covering Nicki Minaj and it ain’t Santana Lopez. Superbrass (Oh wait, here's another.)

And Artie’s R. Kelly did not do it for me! Hard to cover the world's greatest, I guess. Then all of a sudden, 10 girls who I had never seen jumped on stage and starting flailing around.  It took me a minute to realize that the stupid Troubletones were back. Vomit. “Stronger” is one of my favorite songs right now and I usually prefer the Glee versions of songs, but not even Mercedes could do it like K Clarx. And of all the songs in the world for Rachel to sing solo, you chose an unknown one about drinking a bottle of something? I did tear up a little when she slow-motion-looked at Finn, though.

Lesson #4 Everyone deserves to be happy

So New Directions won! And pregnant Sue (yep, that happened) was so hormonal and touched by their performance that she decided to let Quinny back on the Cheerios. AND THEN Quinn was so happy that she decided to support Rachel and Finn’s nuptials after all! And they shared a sweet, heartfelt BFF moment. And Kurt helped Karofsky imagine his happy life as a sports agent! And all was right in the world in anticipation for the most ill-conceived wedding of the century!

Lesson #5: Do not text and drive.

Quinn, no. Put down the phone. I know that you’re angry that somehow Rachel has an iPhone and you don’t- but trust me, I have a blackberry and it’s not so bad. Don’t throw your precious blonde life away.

As most of you know, I am obsessed with Quinn.

I’m hesitant in writing a lot about the incident because we don’t know the outcome, and I would not put it past Glee to have Quinn to come out of this with only a few bumps and bruises (even THAT would be more believable than Sam and Mercedes). But I still can’t get this knot out of my stomach and the feeling that my fictional hero might be gone from my life forever. And judging from her Gizzle Squizzle speech, she truly valued her life and wanted to live it, which makes it even more heartbreaking. Again, I’ll have to write more on this once I know what happens. Question: Will we fast forward to a month from now or will they just pick right up? I’m so confused and lost in the world right now.

I am not mad at Glee for doing this. I’m actually impressed that they went for it like that. This is some entertaining stuff and I was already glued to my screen but now my whole face is permanently attached for the next month. Seriously, I have to wait until April to find out what happens? Will I have a pit in my stomach until April? If this beeotch dies we are going to be watching some Debbie downer episodes for a while. How can they ever laugh again???? How can anyone’s life go on? I guess Glee will continue to teach my 23-year old self how to live my life. And btw I text and drive ALLLLL ZZZEEEE TIME but I actually think I might stop now. LIVE AND LEARN.

Overall Grade: A++

Attacked some TOUGH and HEAVY issues. And they had me the whole episode, right through those tragic last seconds.

Favorite Performance of the Episode: I honestly didn’t really love any of them, but I thought that Blaine’s song sounded perfect, despite the depressing subtext. I wanted it to be “Glad you Came” because I’m obsessed with that song but it was too boring.

Least Favorite Performance: Stand performed by the Warblers. Boring. Get a girl up in that jank.

Favorite Moment(s) of the Episode: Quinn and Rachel’s friendship moments. 1. Rachel’s look of pride when Quinn talked about graduating from Yale 2. Quinn’s look of utter happiness when hugging Rachel at the end 3. And the texting back and forth (although it may have led to Quinn’s demise). It’s so crazy how far they have come since Season 1.

Least Favorite Moment of the Episode: There were many as you can imagine, but has to be the realization that Quinn’s bangs were too short to fit in a high pony. I guess we’ll never get to see those bangs grow out… or will we?

Other Random Thoughts:

-I hate when Glee puts something on the preview that isn’t in the real show (Quinn being at the church)

-Why hasn’t JIF or Skippy exported Peanut Butter to Ireland/Scotland? Seems like there’s some money to be made.

-Sebastian is a little bitch. I’m over him.

-Do they have to cut to Mr. Shue backstage dancing along at EVERY competition?

-Who is Sue’s baby fahjah? Cooter? Will? Artie? Figgins?

-Rachel’s Dad’s plan seemed full-proof and hilarious.

-“I don’t drive.” Ok Patrisha.

-Jeff Goldbloom is killin it.

-Sugar Motta was on point as always

-The “Going the the Chapel” music in the background chilled me to the effin bone.

Next new episode: I might die waiting.

Hearts&Hearts&Hearts&Hearts& unnh Spaghetti Spaghetti

Look guys, I love Valentine’s Day. My dad is named Valentine. My grandfather was named Valentine. My Widdle bitty brudder is named Vawentime.  I’m with Sugar Motta- I would have to say that VDay is my FAVE DAY EVER (behind my birthday, Christmas and New Years Eve). It is the greatest, and Glee reminded us why.

Here are the 5 Greatest Things about Valentine’s Day, magical transposed into a Glee recap.

#5 The desperation of singles to find a Valentine at the last minute

No one likes being alone on Valentine’s Day (is that true? I hear people say it all the time) and Sugar Motta made it clear this Valentine’s Day there would be no sad and lonely single people allowed in her world. And apparently, Rory and Artie are both into dumb girls, (see Brittany S. Pierce obsessions) so IT WAS ON AND POPPIN to become Sugar’s Valentine. I mean who wouldn’t want her, she has the best pink outfits and she can pay your way to Nationals! (Hey Sugar, would you like to join the AU Dance Team? WE NEED MONEY!) She will also leave gifts under your seats like Oprah, or in a potted plant if you’re in a wheelchair. So Artie and Rory pulled out all the stops, candy hearts, stuffed animals, real animals and confetti. But the real decider of Sugar’s heart would be a sing-off between the two. If only Simon Cowell would have been there to judge, then maybe Artie’s clearly superior rendition of a ridiculously great song would win. (I used to be SO OBSESSED WITH MARIO 15 year old gettin his dough). But Rory knew that he was no match for Artie’s silky smooth vocals and wheelchair rockin’ so he played dirty and got the sympathy vote by lying and saying he was going to be deported. Poor, poor Artie. Sugar, you will rue the day you let him go. Next!

#4 Shimmying your love… all the way to the top

For people in long-term relationships- I imagine that V Day comes with a lot of pressure. You want to top last year’s box of chocolates, romantic date, or even last week’s desperate marriage proposal.  For Finchel, their decision to go public with their engagement was met with mixed feelings by the Glee club, but with odd support from their parents. Enter Rachel’s gay dads, who I hope are on every episode until the end of time. Although her dads (and Finn’s parents) seemed to take this engagement extremely well (Go have teen sex now!) it turns out that they actually think it’s a terrible idea, and are using reverse psychology so that Rachel doesn’t marry Finn….makes perfect sense, since Rachel is SUCH a rebellious teen. So after a lovely dinner theater party and a 5 second lover’s quarrel, Rachel and Finn decided that in order to make this marriage work, they must get married right away!!! Seriously, they are so dumb. Trickery and deception never work the way you want, do they Parents? Valentine’s Day!

#3 Love Songs

When’s Mr. Shue’s Singing Telegram idea was shut down by Sugar’s wad of cash, I was alarmed. But hallelujah for stealing ideas and the God Squad! This band of weirdos introduced us to Joe Hart, a home-schooled teen Jesus. (If you’re from Africa, then why are you white?) This kid was apparently on the Glee Project, which I never watched, but he already seems wayyyy better than Rory always freakin singing about his homeland!!! Seriously, that’s 3 songs now dedicated to his fahmalee that he misses so much.

So anyway, the G Squee sang Stereo Hearts to Rachel (which was super great) but Santana was ticked because Principal Figgins was supporting a double standard which allowed heterosexual PDA but not lesbian kisses between her and Brittany. Satana did her Satana-thing and gave dreadlock boy 10 bucks to stop hating on her lady love. Which of course led us to a Bible/is gay ok debate, and thankfully Joe and the Goon Squalla realized that LOVE IS LOVE, and everyone should be able to do whatever they want.

Except Mercedes and Sam, because they should just not.

Yes, I have been critical of the so-called “romance” between Sam and Mercedes. This is because I felt like there was no impetus for their hook-up, it was clearly just a move by the writers to please Amber Riley fans. It’s fake and forced and gross.  But little did I know, this seemingly useless and awkward storyline would bring us to the Whitney Tribute I have been patiently waiting for (since Saturday).

So, to Amber Riley: You have silenced your hater, that is me. And I would gladly (reeee!) sit through 100 more disgusting Samcedes kisses to hear your version of “I Will Always Love You” again and again. You outdid J Hud's Grammy performance, although you had the benefit of recording in a studio, but nevertheless I am floored at your flawless execution of that timeless Whitney classic.

Whitney is the greatest and I hope Glee does many of her songs in the future. That being said, I Will Always Love You is a breakup song right??? Please say this relationship is over! Pleaasse whyyyyyyyyy

#2 Secret Admirers!

I’ve secretly always wanted a secret admirer. Well it’s not really a secret because I tell people all the time. But this Vday, one Kurt Hummel, found himself in a sticky situation when it turned out that his secret admirer was not Cotton eyed Blaine, but instead big ole Karofsky! Saw that one coming from a mile away, but I still gasped when he took off the gorilla head. (WEYUD!!) Poor David, he clearly has issues if he thinks he can compete with Blaine. Sigh. Hearts. Also he is walking around in a Gorilla suit for days, so we need to take this kid to counseling, among other things. Of course Kurt, classy as ever, was sweet and compassionate, but I do believe he broke big ole bully’s heart! What a tragic way for a secret admirer saga to end!! Oh well, Sometime's it be's like that.

#1 Themed Parties

By far, the best part of Valentine’s Day is the culmination of all of the love, hearts, pink and red, balloons, cake, hook-ups, and love songs into one huge throwdown. I wish I was at the SugarShack party, and I’m sure everyone there wishes they had attended my themed party as well. How surprised was everyone that Mr. Shue didn’t show up? Maybe he and Emma were finally getting it on. Ew… And all I have to say is THANK CUPID THAT BLAINE IS BACK. The most perfect human being ever created. And his eye is healed! Phew. My Valentine’s Day is complete.

Overall Grade for the Episode. A

Favorite Performance of the Episode: I enjoyed Love Shack the most but appreciated I Will Always Love You the most. So it’s a tie- suck it! 

Least Favorite Performance of the Episode: Home performed by Rory. Can we stop trying to make fetch happen? It’s not going to happen!

Favorite Moment(s) of the Episode: When Kurt pulled the extra microphone out at the party and when Rachel chucked her hairbrush at the door. 

Least Favorite Moment of the Episode:

When teen sex was brought up at dinner. That was too awkward for too many seconds.

Other Random Thoughts:

-Tony Danza dreams? What about Scott Baio??? You da one that I think about all dayayay

-Puck banging easy DZs hahahahah. "Just pick up the girls that fall off old Puckasaurus."

-Laugh out Loud moment: Seeing Shane cry.

-I love Rachel’s nighttime ritual, when she did her ice facial it reminded me of Season 1

-The cookie/cake Artie was eating looked delicious

-Finn jumping up in that heart at the party- yes.

-How do the New Directions only need $250 dollars?

-Brittany and Mercedes are always rocking the most ridiculous outfits but it's cool.

-Haven’t mentioned Beyonce in this entry, they should have sung Love on Top or Dangerously in Love, or Flaws and All or Crazy in Love or Love in this Club Part II.

Next week’s episode:

Regionals and Wedding? Cannot wait.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsi9p_TqvZc

Why Wasn't Glee Nominated for a Grammy? Nicole Simpson can't rap, I want justice!

What a great night of tweeting. I am going to grade the performances because I think my opinion is super important. DISCLAIMER: I am tired so I might not mean any of this that I am writing. Also, I will not be staying up for Nicki Minaj so I guess I'm not a professional blogger after all. 

Bruce Springsteen

This song could have come out in the 60’s or last week I have no idea. B-

Bruno Mars

Most dramatic singer of the year. GRENADE IS STUPID Don't know the song but nice moves. He is cute for a little person. I’m estimating he would measure up at my boobs. B

Alicia Keys and Bonnie Raitt-

Sunday Kind of love. Why must you hurt me like this. A

Chris Brown

AMAZING. Granted, he didn’t sing one note live, but he got the moves like jagger and that stage was da bomb.com. And no more BLONDE hair! I guess when he heard Rihanna went blonde he was like let me step back from the situation. Come back to us Breezy. A-

Jason Aldean-K Clarx. 

Can you imagine this duet featuring Jason Aldean and Justin Guarini? Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.  B-

 .

Foo Fighters- I’m sure that was great for someone out there. C

Rihanna & Chris Martin-  I will say nothing positive about her singing or dancing but that was a fun performance.  Chris martin is banging. Too good for GWYNETH. WE! HAVE! GWYNETH! B+

Beach Boys Tribute- A

Maroon 5 – Adam Levine can do no wrong in my eyes. Erica Steinberg feels me on that!

Foster the people…. Hard to enjoy this great performance that sounds so good when I know they’re just thinking about shooting up the audience or throwing a grenade that would be caught by Bruno Mars if it was going towards his lady. KINGSLEY

Beach Boys- one of most awesome performances I’ve seen ever. Let’s get Charlie Pace out there playing a Dharma computer next time.

Sir Paul McCartney and the Civil Wars

D for Don't Care

Taylor Swift. 

Sigh. She also can do no wrong. And banjo. And Mean. Song I can sing to people who were mean to me in high school “someday I’ll be living in a big ole city” yeah bitch. Haha ok back to the script she was great. GREAT FACIALS!!! Someday I’ll BE SINGING THIS AT THE GRAMMYS??? Booyah haters! A+

KP

I'm confused as to why she started off with ET. KP is the shit. She was def singing to Russell. You go girl. Rihanna, take notes. B+

Adele

I wish she would have sung this entire song while flipping her middle finger at the audience and America to say "let me heal, you heartless wack people who didn't understand my genius on my last album. and get over Rolling in the Deep. there are plenty of great songs on my new album." Wish she would have sung anything but Rolling in the Deep but I understand, I guess. She sounded great. A

Who is Glen Campbell? I liked it. B

Tony Bennett and Carrie Underwood. 

She is flawless but it made me sleepy. B

Whitney Tribute- Jennifer Hudson

She did well, but the song wasn't meant to be sung in her deep Jennifer Hudson voice like that. But reminds us that there is only one Whitney Houston. BOBBBBBAYYYYYYY. Gosh I love Whitney. A

David Guetta and Chris Brown, etc. 

David Guetta looks dirty. Love Breezy and I need download this song. Fun. I hope this is the last performance because I'm going to sleep. A

Overall show grade: Any Grammy show without Beyonce deserves an F, but since she just gave birth I will give it a C. 

Favorite Performance: Chris Brown

Least Favorite Performance: Foo Fighters both times. I need to expand my horizons eventually but for now I was so bored by their sweaty screaming. 

Random thoughts

Love the chipotle commercial

Stevie Wonder!!! Why didn’t you perform.

Alicia Keys looked great.

LL Cool J- Articulate, class act, but you didn't do much
I love Ryan Secreast

Carrie Underwood is beautiful, I wonder if her hair gets crusty and dry from all that hairspray

Fergie looks the exact same at every show and appearance. Great Pretenders.
J HUD LOOKS PHENOMENAL. 

This jank was way too long. 

Beyonce had one of the best videos of ALL TIME.

I'm still mad Kanye wasn't nominated for Album of the Year.

Do Da Duende: Ricky’s Copa De Vida

Hola clase! I was going to attempt to write this recap in Spanish, but then realized I might come off a little “Shuester-ian” so I’m going to stick to the Spanglish I’ve mastered over mi lifetime.

After seeing the previews and all of the interviews leading up to this episode (I didn’t watch any spoilers for once!) I knew that this was going to be a purely fun episode, with no forward plot movement. And THANK GOODNESS I had expectativas bajas because I would have been extremely disappointed otherwise. But al contrario, I enjoyed the episode and can take it for what it was: a reason to get Ricky Martin to guest star.

The catalyst for this Spanish episode was Mr. Shue’s realization that he sucked as a Spanish teacher and needed to improve so that he could get tenure. I had no idea that high school teachers got tenure so I learned something new this episode. As a daughter of a Spanish teacher, (one who sings La Cucaracha, teaches the Mexican Hat Dance, and wears a sombrero) I thought this whole bit was hilarious. Of course Santana had a problem with Mr. Shue’s semi-racist and out of touch teaching method, which could have been a reasonable beef if Santana wasn’t known for being a bitch about everything. So to remedy the situation, it was “no more Mr. Nice Guy, hello Mr. White Teeth” and Shue brought in Senor David Martinez, a teeth model/night school Spanish teacher from the Chi, to help the kids learn Spanish. Btw one of the night class students was the dad from Smart Guy. YOUR BROTHER IS SMARRRRT

Also this: THEME SONG WEDNESDAY

I would just like to say it's great that Ryan Murphy and Glee producers aren't afraid to focus on gay leading men for two episodes in a row. Even if one was a pedophile.

Also in the fight for this mysterious high school tenure prize was Sue, who had bigger plans to unfreeze her Kroger eggs and become a mother. I’m fine with this- Sue you’re a beast so do what it do baby, but several issues: 1) Asking for high schooler’s sperm is weird and gross 2) Sue seemed really uneasy and tired in the this episode. And 3) all of the talk about her getting pregnant made me think of a dusty kaslopis. Gwoss. But happy to see appearances by NeNe and Figgins, and even Emma, who got tenure because of her awesome pamphlets! Pamphlets really are useful, but Ems, you are terrible at your job.

And if you thought Sue’s kaslopis was unsettling, that was nothing compared to the continuation of the boring and uncomfortable Sam/Mercedes romance. Was anyone else hoping that their week apart would help them realize that they didn’t really like each other???? Shane, be strong, we can do this- keep these two far away from each other.

One of the only meaningful segments of this week’s episode was Rachel’s engagement announcement to Kurt via Twilight pajama party. Thank God Kurt can see what they can’t see, which is that they are only using each other as security blankets. It’s cray how Rachel used to be so low on the totem pole but now Finn is clinging onto her.  Loved it when Kurt broke it down for Finn, and I hope that Finn can take his advice so that Rachel isn’t hanging with an apple who loves self-loathing. I HATE MYSELF Come on yall, it's a theme song Wednesday.

Overall Grade for the Episode: B

It was just aight, but I enjoyed it for what it was! Que sera, sera!

Favorite Performance of the Episode:

Do I have to pick one?? They were all pretty bad, but I guess I’ll go with Sexy and I know it because of the hilarious dancing by Sugar and Brit Brit. And because Ricky Martin is moyee caliente!

Least Favorite Performance of the Episode:

Again, all of them, but the worst for me was La Isla Bonita perfomed by Ricky and Santana. So boring. I heard she is sleeping with one of the Glee writers, which explains why she was given this stupid solo that added absolutely nothing to the episode. (Allegedly)

Favorite Moment of the Episode:

Twilight Pajama Party, with Kurt commenting on their period cycles then exclaiming SHUT UP with a mouthful of food.

Also when NeNe told Sue her child was going to pop out as a full-grown adult with a briefcase talking on a cell phone.

Least Favorite Moment of the Episode:

The way too long conversation about athletes cleaning their junk.

Other random thoughts:

Where will you be in 2030? Twinsies!! Jail or dead or both. NO PUCK!

Sam sounded just like Enrique. MOLEEE MOLEEE MOOOOLE. 

I love Sugar Motta.

I love Ricky Martin.

Mr. Shue was about to give Sue that sperm, wasn't he? And who is Sue's donor?

Too many close-ups on those horn shoes.

Is Blaine going to return with a glass eye?????

Loved Becky getting into the hip-hop dance on the side.

Please don’t give up on Quinn now that she is boring!!! I need more Quinn!

Next Week’s Episode

Valentine’s Day tribute entitled, “Heart.” I’m already declaring it the best episode ever. Watch the preview. Love SHACK??? Come on, it’s gonna be spectacular.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AeDqGomcas8&feature=related

Baby Cryin': WackArnolds, Jacko and Dirty DIANA! Agron

It's Bloggin Time! Sabre-Toothed Tiger!



Every week I look forward so much to each new Glee episode, so much that I can’t sleep at night and am full of giddyness and joy while watching on my laptop. This week my heart just wasn’t in it, probably because I agree with my fictional counterpart, Rachel Berry: I just don’t get Michael Jackson. WHAT? GASP! SLAP! Well, it’s not that I don’t get Michael Jackson-it’s that I don’t like him. (The HORROR!)


Because most of the universe is obsessed with MJ, I thought about keeping this unpopular opinion to myself, but then I said screw it- this is a blog for God’s sake. MJ’s songs are some of the best of all time, and he is Beyonce’s inspiration so I can’t deny him as an incredible performer. Still, when Mr. Shue scribbled WWMJD on the white board, I couldn’t help but think: “creep on little boys.” When the Penn State scandal happened, I was so sick to my stomach. To be a victim of such a horrible crime and to feel that you can’t speak out because of the celebrity of your abuser must be devastating. And umm Sandusky was only the ASSISTANT COACH FOR A FOOTBALL TEAM. It seems to me that if the KING OF POP was abusing you it would be even more difficult to 1) speak out 2) get others to believe you. 


MJ was acquitted of all charges. I’m sure the judge and jury had never seen Billie Jean or Beat it, either. Let’s remember that THERE WAS A VIDEO OF R. KELLY HAVING SEX WITH A 14 YEAR OLD GIRL AND HE WAS ALSO FOUND NOT GUILTY. Maybe I’m just cynical about this and a hater. Regardless, I think MJ was a sicko creep who preyed on little boys and got away with it because his fans are such apologists for his weirdness. His music is great, and I have no problem with Glee doing a tribute episode that features his brilliant songs, dance moves, and videos. But WWMJD? Not for me. Katt Williams, take it away: Katt on Michael Jackson


Was that too heavy, yall? Well the whole episode was too heavy!!! In an effort to squeeze in as many MJ songs as possible, we were left with some Debbie Downer overtones, beginning with the dangerous and deadly feud between two rival show choirs. DUN DUN DUN.  


When the smokin’ Sebastian stole New Direction’s Michael idea, (Damn, Blaine- you’re talking to Sebastian on the phone? In the morning? That’s deep.) all hell broke loose AND IT WAS ON. New Directions decided to “take it to the streets” to be like Michael. Okay... because Michael Jackson was such a tough guy. But anyways, apparently Sebastian was trying to kill Kurt via SLUSHEE WARFARE until Blaine aka the most perfect human being ever saved him and was forced to miss out on Michael Jackson week AND wear an eye-patch. And was forced to be serenaded by Kurt and Finchel while wearing said eye patch. Well ARTIE HAD HAD ENOUGH!!! I’m sure this wasn’t just an excuse to get Artie up and dancing to re-create one the most expensive videos ever with Mike Chang. (If I wanted to watch the Scream video I would just youtube it, Ryan Murphy.)


So then Satana decided to dance seductively around in a conference room in a “battle” with Sebastian (seriously, they looked like they were about to make-out at any second) to another MJ hit. But ultimately New Directions decided to take the high road- to which I say BRAVA!!! As Kurt found out when he received his letter to the next round of NYADA admission, THE BEST REVENGE IS LIVING WELL. So the New Directions and Warblers made up while singing about racial acceptance (huh) but Sebastian is still hating everyone and looking bitter. (Glee teaches us another life lesson.)


The beef wasn’t the only issue needing a resolution this week- Finn still needed an answer from Rachel. Sigh. Rachel, still uncertain about her future, decided that if she has Finn, it won’t hurt as bad if all of her other hopes and dreams crash and burn. Which is pretty much the reason why Finn wants to marry her as well, so at least they are on the same page. But this episode made it pretty clear that not even a revelation via MJ love song can completely sell Rachel on this idea. She needed advice from her new BFF, Quinn, who she knows will keep it one hunnid.


I’ve always loved Quinn, but I’ve never really related to her until this episode. First of all, congrats girl- you somehow got accepted into Yale in record time. And it turns out that Quinn got all of her crazy illogical thoughts out of her system, and now is giving some pretty profound and wise advice. Listen up young girls of the world: “I dated Puck, Finn and Sam and even loved some of them, but by the time the snow falls in New Haven next winter, I won’t know why. We hardly know what we’re going to want in 15 years.” PREACH. Our high school and even college glory days are hard to leave behind, but Quinn’s speech and performance shows that moving on and saying goodbye to all of the things that made her life so important before will just make her future even brighter. You have to keep moving forward or what’s the point of living?  Many young girls are too scared to leave behind what makes them feel comfortable, and it is hard but what’s ahead and personal discovery is so much more rewarding than any high school boyfriend or cheerleading uniform. I still want her to get with Puck, but she is such an independent woman now! She “was the only one standing in the way of [herself]”, and this statement makes Rachel seem all nervous and uneasy, and it’s making me really nervous and uneasy.


The happiness of this episode came from two unlikely sources. 1. Who would have thought that it would come from Mercedes and Sam’s fake and wack romance? I’m trying to be more accepting of this mis-match duo but I still said “ew” aloud when they kissed. But that Human Nature duet was SO BANGIN. Also 2. Kurt and Rachel both moved on to the next round for NYADA. Happy days are here again! But what about Finn? The plot thickens...


Overall Grade for this Episode: B.
I prefer episodes that don't feature forced musical numbers. “Ben,” “Black and White” “Smooth Criminal” and “Just Can’t Stop Loving You” just seemed like Glee really wanted to do those numbers so quickly made up a 30 second segue into them.


Yall are going to hate me but…
Favorite Performance of the episode: “Never Can Say Goodbye” performed by Quinn. I am a sucker for Jackson 5 and she looked bangin and I like her little voice. And we got to relive all of her romances.


Also really enjoyed: “Wanna Be Startin Something” by Blaine <3 and “Human Nature” by Sam and Mercedes.


Least favorite Performance(s) of the episode: Ben/Smooth Criminal. Both Boring and unnecessary.


Best Michael Vocals: They all sounded SO GOOD doing Michael!!!  Especially Blaine, Mercedes, Sam but of course Artie just killed every song he did so he is my winner.


Favorite Moments of the episode: 1. Quinn and Rachel’s girl talk and 2. When Kurt alluded to the eyepatch in the Black and White performance “when I saw you throwing dirt in my eye.” Love that kid.


Least Favorite Moment of the episode: Boring scene in Blaine’s room. Nina Mantilla “Why does he have a blanket on him like he is sickly with fever?” Good question. 


Other Random Thoughts:
-Quinn’s picture of Finn and Rachel in her locker with a magnet over Rachel’s face- great.
-Your parents can just come into your class and get you out? In our day there was a loud speaker or an office aide to come fetch someone with a notarized slip!
-Love any Kurt/Burt moments- he was so excited about telling the news to his son’s boyfriend- I was a mess.
-I was happy when I found out there was some rock salt in that slushee cuz blaine got PRETTY dramatic
-Mercedes’ LOVE necklace… my god will the Jennifer Hudson references never end?
-When did Finn turn into such a needy pansy?
-Rachel’s hair has gotten long- looks great.
-Tina Cohen Chang gets no love and Rory might as well have gone back to Ireland. Scotland? I’m cool with it.
-Wish they would have sung Rock with you, Remember the Time, The way you make me feel
-I still say the best MJ performance they ever did was PYT.


*****I JUST REALIZED THAT SUGAR MOTTA WAS NOT IN THIS EPISODE!!!!! WHAT. IS. GOING. ON. Someone please explain.*********


Next Week’s episode:
Viva Ricky Martin! Did I hear a Spanish version of Sexy and I know it? All-spanish recap? 


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