Barack is President! Eye of the Tiger! :::throws basketball backwards:::

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This recap has nothing to do with the election, just trying to attract readers. Man we out here tryna function!

Since Glee's last episode 6 and a half months ago, we have had a lot to process. Mainly that Rachel Berry has become a shell of her former self and her hair is full of secrets, but luckily we were not forced to revisit that tragedy this week. Instead, we were back at McKinley HALLELUJAH HOLLA BACK for a fun-filled episode (minus the retarded baby comment) centered on casting the school musical! Of course this begs the question:

WHAT ROLE ARE YOU BORN TO PLAY? A Behavioral Study on the Tendencies of Glee Characters to Relive the Storylines of Previous Fictional Characters.

I sit when I pee annnnnd let's begin!

Finn Hudson was born to play the role of DRUMROLL PLEASE provided by Finn Hudson himself... MR. SHUE! 

Yes, Finn was born to play the role of M. Shue. I mean I don't know how I didn't see it coming, the similarities are uncanny. They both love Rachel Berry and 80's rock. They both like the Glee Club omg. And just like Shue, Finn was losing his way, down and out with no direction, but found a NEW DIRECTION by becoming a DIRECTOR and of course the music brought him back! Don't stop believing Finn! You are meant to MOVE people! Is the pity party over for him now that he is the new Glee Club coach? I wonder if Mr. Shue will ever come back, or if they will have a wrestling match over who gets to be the Glee Club coach! But before we get ahead of ourselves, Finn has to cast the musical in the only way he knows how... by finding a hot football player singing classic rock in the locker room shower.

Just kidding, thank God Glee didn't re-use that one for the third time. Instead, we got the introduction of a lifetime as Blake Jenner (no relation to Bruce to Brody) aka Ryder caught Finn's eye with his sweet touchdown dance moves. GONNA SHOUT IT FROM THE MOUNTAINTOPS. A STAR IS BORN.

Which brings us to "Ryder" who was born to play the role of... Finn Hudson.

Ryder, like Finn, is struggling with the classic WPP of not being able to break his C- minus average, and needs singing and dancing to help him get the hang of his high school career. Makes sense so far. Finn encourages Ryder to try out for the school musical, but Ryder doesn't sing. Cut to one of the most classic Glee lines in the history of the show:

Ryder: I don't sing

Finn: Prove it.

Hahahahahhaha. Classic Glee. To which Ryder should have replied: "Okay... I'll just sit here and not sing and that'll show you I'm not lying." This episode is killing it in all the right ways. 

So Finn and Blake/Ryder took to the auditorium stage, after a conveniently placed Jukebox stocked with only 80's Classic Rock tunes play a suspiciously relevant "Jukebox Hero" song. Can I just say that Finn's advice of "Just sing, it'll work trust me. Like a good poop" does not translate to real life. I have been trying to be a good singer since the days of All Saints " Never Ever" (tried to form several girl groups at a young age) and it never "worked." So no Finn, I don't trust you. And but luckily it worked for Ryder and now the competition is ON and poppin for Danny Zuko!

Side note:
I love me some Blake. Can everyone just take a second and imagine what this episode would be like if Charlie had won the Glee Project Season 2?? hahahahah I am dying laughing over the thought of that, and Charlie knocking over that blind guy's cane.

Let's get into the real shit- GREASE CASTING!

Mercedes and Mike Chang are back (so random, do you guys have jobs) to help cast the play with Finn and Artie... and here is what we are working with people:

Blaine who was CLEARLY born to play the role of Danny Zuko (and Tony from West Side Story) is an emotional wreck! Good lord. Hey nerd, get off the football field while we are trying to practice in slow motion and go be the Danny Zuko of our dreams!  But hecky ya to Teen Angel that is gonna be straight fiyyaaaaa!

Unique found herself in a unique situation (play on words) as she is a man trying to play the greatest girl role ever: RIZZO and some peeps may not like the look of that. Her audition was wack. Every unique performance involves her model walking and she WAS NOT BORN TO PLAY RIZZO THAT ROLE BELONGS TO SANTANA FREAKING LOPEZ SO EVERYONE SHUT UP. But she got the part so we shall see if she can actually act but oh wait, we already know that she can't.

The real competition started with the lead roles, Danny and Sandy.

KITTY SINGS! Yes! Jake and Kitty Kat auditioned together to Everybody Talks which was just the most precious Dancing with the Stars number ever! Ten from Len! Marley and Ryder were also in the running, and they all performed the most genius Handjive performance for call backs (more on that later). Kitty is so much better than Marley, but too much of a bad ass to be Sandy. SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN RIZZO WAKE UP PEOPLE! And Jake should clearly be Danny, but I can't root against Ryder so sometimes it be's like that.

In other news:

Coach Beiste is in the hizzy! Will and Emma are boring and Sue hates trannys! Sashay!

Overall Grade for the Episode: A

Such a great comeback! Glee Season 4 actually made me care about the new characters today, and I actually kind of like Marley now! Anything Grease- related is always fantastic. You Go Glen Coco!

Favorite Performance of the Episode: Clearly Handjive!!!!!! Performed by Mercedes, Mike Chang, Marley, Jake, Ryder and Kitty Kat. Ok the premise started out believable for once, judging couples chemistry and 50's dancing... but then BAM they hit us with some original Grease choreo AND the relevant tension between Kitty, Jake and Marley. And was that a double kartwheel? I could smell the desperation! What an epic number. BRAVA Glee!

Least Favorite Performance of the Episode: Blow Me One Last Kiss performed by Marley and Unique. Anytime they perform together I will always be reminded on Womanizer which was the worst ever. I see Marley trying to step her performance up but she is still boring and the harmonizing was wack.

Favorite Moment of the Episode:

Brought to you by the incomparable Trouty Mouth: "I got hit by a car door once and I'm really looking forward to reliving the reality of that moment."

Least Favorite Moment of the Episode:

Retarded baby dammmmmmn shit just got real and awkward and real awkward.

Other Thoughts:

If Marley as Sandy doesn't speak in an Australian accent or whatever I quit life!

Please don't make a "Mr Shue goes to DC" segment of each show
Tina got 2 lines.

Brittany go NOOOO lines haha what is happening.

Congratulations Barry Obama.

I look like Erykah Badu

Glist
1. Jake- EVERYBODY TALKS FEATURED SOME JAKE DANCING AND I DON'T HATE IT AT ALL. This dude is for real.
2. Ryder- I wonder if Michael is sitting at home poking his Blake voodoo doll.
3. Sugar motta- as Frenchie? Too good. Beauty School Dropout no graduation day for u. and none for Gretchen Weiners.
4. Mike Chang- looking better than ever without that sack of lard attached to his arm.
5. Sam
6. Kitty Kat - Singing and dancing and hurling insults just the way I like her.
7. Artie
8. Puck - Because we listened to I Wanna Sex You Up last night at prac and I miss his hilarious dance interpretations
9. Blaine -GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF. But great job.
10. Emma -Women's rights people!

Next Week's Episode: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avGfMc36ZTA

Hate to say it but this episode was great without that NewYork bull ish. No one wants to see Kate Hudson's post-baby abs. But Grease is the best musical of all time, so next week is gonna be DELISHIS. (TM Flavor of Love)