Uggggghhhhhhhh blogging is so hard I can't just sit and enjoy the show or my life anymore. So much pressure writing and watching and watching and writing why have I burdened myself with this celebrity!!!!
But it was a monster mash and there was a graveyard smash and a twirl and a snap honey yasss dance TWIRL dive turn work.
Early recap particulars: Leah Remini was the fill-in host Part 2 and boy did she bring the goods this time. And no guest judge this week! Would've been a fitting week for Gary Busey to reappear and scare everyone with just a look.
**SPOOKY AND SCARY COUPLES RECAPS FOR YOUR OOZING BRAINS**
Nick and Sharna
24 out of 30
Beetlejuice: Nick is such a cry baby, which is a little bit of foreshadowing because he and his wife are having a baby! (found out post-show, but felt like it was germane to this conversation) (this is a conversation with myself) (Congrats also going out to Jason Mraz!). Anyway, he whined a lot about being an intense competitor as he is known to do. Oh and he and BSB did a concert! (Thanks Shade Room). Once again, smelled a whiff of slight shading of the Carter family when he said Halloween was one of the only times they made happy memories. AARON OH AARON
Why do you dance so scary: Their Halloween characters were Frankenstein and his bride in a spooky and eeeeriiie Argentine Tango. I'm drawing a blank on the story of Frankenstein. I know the "ex-wife" reference on Mean Girls but was Frankenstein scary? Need to brush up.
Good, bad or ugly: I though he looked wickedly wack. I'm a Nick fan but that was a hot bubbly cauldron aka magic pot of mess.
Emma and Hayes
26 out of 30
Why do you dance so scary: Hayes played a romantic WEREWOLF, and in Bruno's words, he was the most romantic teen wolf since Jacob Black in Twilight. I guess I agree...? Trust fall from the Gods.
Good, bad, or ugly: It was magical. Hayes is the next Derek Hough yeah I said it.
Alexa and Mark
27 out of 30
Why do you dance so scary: if Mark Ballas ever had an "element" to be in, it would be a Halloween themed dance. They did an Edward Scissorhands dance which I guess was supposed to be scary. And Carrie Ann gave herself props for INCORRECTLY using a Britney Spears lyric to reference last week's B Spears dance. My head was spinning.
Good, bad, or ugly: What's a goon to a goblin.
Tamar and Val
24 out of 30
Beetlejuice: Tamar and Val were clicking which led to Tamar proclaiming:"Im probably the best dancer in the competition." She is the best dancer sometimes, what's wrong with being confident as Demi would say.
Why do you dance so scary: Tamar and Val did a freaky deeky dutch boy dance to "People are Strange." A lot of people were scared on set this week, but none more than Julianne Hough who didn't give Tamar a critique without saying "sorry" twice before and after. Tamar's scary eyes fit the theme this week.
Good, bad, or ugly: The most notable thing about this performance was Leah Remini getting scared live on air. Watch here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDvB0y-p5T8
TAMAR WAS NOT HERE FOR IT.
That moment has inspired me to scare at least one person every hour at my Halloween party.
Andy and Allison
26 out of 30
Beetlejuice: Andy thinks he is a contender now lol. Ever heard of Nick Carter, Andrew?
Why do you dance so scary: They danced to "Beautiful People" by Marilyn Manson aka the literal song of my nightmares and it "turned Julianne on". She was doing a lot on Monday. "Derek's racist sister?" as so_grool like to call her.
Good, bad, or ugly: Snooze fest. Wake me up from the dead when September ends.
#ThreatLevelMidnightFullLengthFeature let's get it trending
Bindi and Derek
30 out of 30 (for those of you who are just joining us, Derek's third perfect score in a row)
Why do you dance so scary: Derek and Bindi did an Argentine Tango as vampires. Nailed the theme obviously #ThatsSoHalloween
Good, bad, or ugly: I love this show, but I sometimes get distracted and half-watch the couples while typing and reading Kardashian updates. BUT HOLY MADNESS. Derek Hough. I watched this routine without breathing. HE CRACKED HER NECK. I really think they can win! And then to rub it in all of the other pros faces, Derek had the nerve to utter the words "I LOVE YOU" to Bindi and hearing him say the words... it was like my TV went into slow motion. Then he shouted out Makeup Artists because Derek will not be defeated.
Alek and Lindsay
25 out of 30
Why do you dance so scary: They had the nerve to butcher a Beyonce song. Don't remember what their Halloween characters were because I'm so off them as a couple.
Good, bad, or ugly: Lindsay on a hoverboard was kinda ite but everything else was BOOOORRRRRRRING.
Carlos and Witney
28 out of 30
Why do you dance so scary: Phantom of the Opera!! Witney's hair stole the show once again.
Good, bad, or ugly: SO Fierce!!!! Carlos would be way better if he ditched the ball and chain aka his wife aka is it that serious aka if you wanna win my vote it is
TEAM DANCES RECAP!!!!
Give me a moment.
They prefaced the team dances with the unbelievable statistic that Derek Hough has never ever lost a team dance. (Which everyone in my group chat already knew and what led me to go against my beliefs and pick Mark Ballas for high score but I digress.) If you have never seen a Derek Hough team dance then I don't know what you're doing with your life.
From the moment the Captains were announced I knew we were screwed. Bindi and Nick were captains and because of Derek and Mark's tumultuous love/hate relationship, Derek always makes his partner choose Mark first. This was mistake #1, not only because now you have Mark on your team, but also because you have now pitted yourself against a team that has Val freaking Chmerkovsky. Mistake #2: Bindi picked Carlos and Witney over Andy and Sharna. Carlos is short. End of conversation. And then with the last pick, BINDI CHOSE ALEK OVER HAYES WHAT IS GOING ON.
I have a theory that Derek purposefully gave himself a weak team to either a) finally take the pressure off of himself to win the team dance and set up a nice comeback next year or b) take the loss on the team dance to anger his fans and set them into a voting frenzy for him and Bindi throughout the rest of the season.
Will we ever know????
#1 TEAM NIGHTMARE
Such a stacked team. Tamar, Nick, Hayes and Andy. And Val and Allison are great group choreographers. Their concept was "monsters at dinner", with a sasquatch, Godzilla, King Kong, Loch Ness, goblin, ghoul and a zombie with no conscience. And the dance was actually flawless. I was mesmerized but terrified about Derek's group dance fate.
Score to beat: 30 out of 30
#2 TEAM WHO YA GONNA CALL
So off. Wack as hell. I dont understand.
Score: 28 out of 30
And they lost and were like:
ELIMINATION TIME!!!
Now that Paula and Gary are gone, eliminations are so real.
Couples in Jeopardy:
-Hayes and Emma
-Tamar and Val
-Alexa and Mark
And the eliminated couple is: Hayes and Emma
So you are going to tell me, that the week that Hayes called Emma his best friend, you are going to eliminate him? That's how you want to do this America?!?!? I can't even be mad I haven't voted all season what kind of hypocrite am I... I need some time to be alone with my thoughts..
Best of Group texts:
"Evanescence is never a good idea"
"She prob thought it was David Miscavige" (Leah Remini getting scared by Sasha)
"Derek is a God sent from the dance heavens"
"Does Artem really wear leather regularly"
Other thots:
All of the scares were so hilarious. The spider on Tamar was the best
We got an elusive Tommy Chong reference which was pleasant
I know it's on everyone's minds that Nick chose "Backstreets Back" way too early.
Is Beyonce really going on the lip syncing show?
Can they do a Justin Bieber night pls
Thanks for reading
Who made it this far
Code word is "EYEBALLS" if you did make it all the way to the end
Use of the code word will be revealed to you sometime in the near future
Can't wait for Halloween!
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