Class of Two Thousand & Glee: I Wuz Here?

Holy Shit.

Glee Finale People! The End of an Era! What a way to go… with kind of a lame episode that ended with a bang.

This episode took us through each Senior’s transformation and future plans, but I don’t really think that did it them all justice. So therefore I will do the job that they failed to do. Here we go.

Let’s start with the least important senior: Mercedes Jones.

Haha I’m just kidding, Mike Chang is clearly an afterthought- he didn’t even have his own inner monologue. Matter of fact I have nothing to say about him, except that they REALLY could have made me cry with a goodbye scene between Tina and Mike. They were so obsessed with each other!!! Grrr. Fail #1 Glee Season 3 Finale. 

Mercedes Jones

In my opinion, Mercedes has changed the least through her 3 years in the Glee Club. She still dresses wack as hell, but at least her hair has VASTLY improved. She was always a great singer, and now she has a “recording contract” to show for it. She totally screams back-up singer to me so I have to thank Kentucky-Fried Stripper for pointing her on the path of righteousness. Ok, I’m being a bitch. Mercedes has been a great member of the cast, what having become a worthy Rachel Berry rival, befriending Quinn in her time of need, rocking Cheerios lady pants, and protesting cafeteria bans on tater tots. And our lives will never be the same after “Hell to the No”, not to mention she gave me my Nationals routine song. I’m not sure if we will follow her journey to L.A., but she was a great original member and I will miss her Jennifer Hudson wannabe ass.

All-Time Favorite Mercedes Performances: Take Me or Leave Me (Comeback) Aint No Way (Night of Neglect)

Noah Puckerman

One of my favorite Glee characters ever, and someone who I plan on stalking in real life if I ever get the time. I love Puck, and over the last 3 years he has really just given us the unexpected, from being in love with Quinn (which was my favorite storyline EVER), to breaking up Finn and Rachel, to dating Mercedes AND Lauren Zizes, to screwing a teacher. In “Goodbye,” Puck passed his exam with a Puckerman A  (C Minus) and now he is qualified to move to L.A. and clean pools…. Good for him? I do know that he did a great job being the lead singer of that odd graduation ceremony in which names were called in random order and everyone danced on stage haphazardly. Glee Stud with a heart of gold. 

All-Time Favorite Puck Performances: Fat Bottomed Girls (Silly Love Songs) and his part in Run Joey Run (Bad Reputation) #trugenius

Quinn Fabray.

Oh, Lucy Caboosy… I think we all can agree that your transformation is complete. I know many people hate Quinn, but I love her almost as much, (and at times more) than Rachel Berry. No one has ever rocked a high pony or a baby bump quite like her. However, I am not satisfied with how they closed out her high school career. Everyone knows that I am obsessed with Quinn and Puck being together and the fact that they just threw that in there for 5 minutes in the season finale just infuriated me. Reallllly? Of course she loves him, but the fast-talking and pity kiss made it so unbelievable! Gosh dammit, Glee. However, the Sue goodbye was good and warranted, so I appreciated that. And I do love the RB and Quinn friendship, although they have really been neglecting that storyline lately.  Whatever, I guess they can’t do it all. I hope we get to see Quinn date the future President of the United States or something next season. (I assume she is coming back, if not I will be on suicide watch.)

All-Time Favorite Quinn Performances: I Don’t Want to Know (Rumours) I Feel Pretty/Unpretty (Born This Way)

Brittany S. Pierce ain’t graduating. She has a 0.0 GPA hahahhahah. Good one, Glee. See you next year IDIOT. Maybe you an Artie can have another go?? Love triangle between you Artie and Tina? I really need to send letter to Ryan Murphy.

Santana Lopez

Gloria Estefan, your presence was SO unnecessary, but you wrote my mom’s favorite song so I will say you did a fine job. Ok Santana is one of the most awesome characters ever, hated her for a while, but can’t deny that talented bitch. She has decided to forego her made -up fairytale scholarship to Louisville to move to New York and become a star. #Truidiot. I was waiting for her to be on the train when RB stepped on, but I guess she had to take the megabus. She is still more into Brittany than Brittany is into her, but sometimes it be's like that. I can see her kicking it with Lilo and Demi Lovato in New York in the future so let’s make it happen cap’n. I’ll miss you sandbags.

All-Time Favorite Santana Performances: Valerie (Special Education) River Deep Mountain High (Duets)

Kurt Hummel

I can’t say enough about what this character has done for this show. Kurt Hummel has single-handedly turned my life views around and I think it’s incredible that a fictional show can do what it has done with such a powerful story. I love Kurt in every way imaginable. And every scene that Kurt and Burt have done together has been grool, including tonight’s shoutout to the Queen herself, in a touching moment of full-circle acceptance and father/son love. Unfortunately, Kurt did not get into NYADA, which comes as a complete shock considering Whoopi seemed to love his performance. Maybe she was at Nationals like where is homeboy in the gold pants? Oh he is in the back? 100 points off! But on the bright side- he still has Blaine- who is the most perfect human being to ever grace the planet earth. Here’s hoping he still makes it to New York- I honestly think he will- Glee isn’t that heartless right????

All-Time Favorite Kurt Performances: Rose’s Turn (Laryngitis) Happy Days Are Here Again (Duets)

Finn Hudson

Or maybe Glee is that heartless. In a shocking turn of events, Finn decided to break up with Rachel, on the day of their wedding no less! But it wasn’t from a place of normal asshole guy evil... after he found out he wasn’t getting into acting school (well no shit, Sherlock) he didn’t want to hold his bride-to-be back from what was clearly her destiny. This decision encompasses all that Finn has been for the past 3 years, a really genuinely good guy who always ultimately does the right thing. And although we probably all felt that his decision to go to the Army and redeem his dad while leaving Rachel was the best for the both of them… that scene in the car may have been the saddest of my life. Oh wait, then he ran with the train? I’m crumbling into a ball on the floor. I truly can’t believe they broke Finchel up… but I’m oddly okay with it. What a way to go- can’t wait to see what he sings about in the army…? Finchel... it's been real.

All-Time Favorite Finn Performances: Faithfully (Journey) and I Don’t Want to Know (Rumours)

Rachel Berry

As I have been telling you all for years, Glee is all about Ms. Rachel Berry. Which I why I have a playlist dedicated to Rachel called “Ms. Rachel Berry” and a life-size cut-out of her in my apartment. (To be fair, I also have Santana and Kurt playlists named “Satana” and “Everything’s Coming Up Kurt”…but I digress.) It turns out, all of her hard work, psychotic habits, scheming, sabotage and persuasion paid off and she was the only one of the threesome who got into her school of choice. I was full of glee when she got accepted! Of course she got accepted! She is RACHEL FUCKING BERRY! But when she said she was going to defer for a year to stay with Finn and Kurt, I wanted to wring Ryan Murphy’s skinny neck for portraying her as a dependent weakling who was giving up everything for dependency on her friends. Thank God her boyfriend is a gem, and now she is able to spread her wild oats in the big apple. Bless you, Finn, for letting this gold star shine again. Rachel Berry, I can’t wait to see you yucking it up with Sarah Jessica Parker next season and I can only hope that you live with Santana and sing each other lullabies at night. McKinley High will never be the same. But where were your gay dads in this ep? Not cool.

All-Time Favorite Rachel Performances: (this is so difficult) Don’t Rain on My Parade, (Sectionals) My Man, (Funeral) Happy Days Are Here Again (Duets)

Overall Grade for the Episode: A-

The last scene with Rachel and Finn was amazing, but I can’t get over the rushed Quinn/Puck scene and the lack of the best song for this episode ever: I WAS HERE. That is probably the worst mistake Glee has ever made. Like… what? I’m sorry it is going to take me weeks to get over that poor choice of final song. Roooooooarrrrrrr!!!!!

My Top 10 Favorite Performances of Season 3: (and don’t think I just came up with this… I have been making a playlist all season)

10. Wedding Bell Blues performed by Emma. I’m sure no one likes that but me haha.

9. Love Shack performed by mostly Blaine and Kurt.

8. Never Can Say Goodbye performed by Quinn.

7. Paradise by the Dashboard Light performed by New Directions

6. Shake it Out performed by the Muses (Tina, Santana and Mercedes)

5. I am the Greatest Star performed by Kurt Hummel

4. The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face performed by Tina, Mercedes, Santana and Rachel

3. I can’t go for that/You make my dreams come true performed by the New Directions

2. How Will I know performed by Rachel, Mercedes, Kurt and Santana

1. We Are Young performed by the New Directions. Radio has killed this song but the performance still makes me teary-eyed.

My Top 10 Episodes of Season 3:

10. The First Time

9. Mash-Off

8. Prom-Asauras

7. On My way

6. Choke

5. Heart

4. Asian F

3. Hold On to Sixteen

2. Yes/No

1. Nationals

This season has been weird… so different from other seasons and was definitely cheapened by the introduction of Rory and Long-haired boy. But I love the characters, and I loved what they did with everyone at least at one point or another. It’s going to be a long summer… but hopefully I will have paparazzi pictures of Lea Michele and Cory Monteith to keep me occupied.

Thanks for reading my blog- Kate, Allison and Sarah Arnall. Hahaha. 

Scalps 3 1/2: Revenge of the NATINALS (misspelled on purpose get w/ the program)

I’m just going to come right out and say that "Nationals" was the best episode of the season. I am hesitant to even blog about this because I might forget something epic and then will forever taint my memory of the episode! Oh well, gotta do it.

So everything kicked off at Nationals in Chicago, where the New Directions had several obstacles between them and their 1^st place trophy:

-Mercedes has the H1N1 Virus

-Puck is studying for his geography exam and members of New Directions are at each other’s throats

-Unique is a celebrity in the show choir circuit! And Jesse St. James is far superior to everyone in New Directions

-Whoopi Goldberg might not show up

-Quinn’s legs may or may not work

-Mr. Shue is lacking confidence 

-The Troubletones still exist

Just going to throw some thoughts at you because I can't contain them!  I loved the pep talks and the Sue and Shue bonding for the kids. I love that Santana was so into it- remember when she was Sue’s spy for like 2 years? I LOOOVVVE those Nationals dresses. Looked great on everyone!! Far cry from THESE disasters. Now onto the performances.

New Directions:

Edge of Glory -What a surprise… the Troubletones were boring and waved their arms around a lot. Is that there trademark move or something? And I’m confused…Why don’t the nameless and faceless Troubletones get to be in the group huddle with everyone else? Do they have to stay in separate hotel rools? This is a civil rights protest waiting to happen. They were aight. Mercedes and Santana sounded great minus the flailing.

It’s all coming back to me now. Ok. Do I even need to explain? Yes I do. Rachel Berry has performed so many solos on this show, and this was almost as good as my personal favorites “Don’t Rain on my Parade” and “My Man.” Not as good, but almost and a great improvement from her horrible regionals solo. She performed it exactly right and tried to sound just like Celine Dion, which is all I ask of you RB! And damn she killed it. And it was kind of symbolic, right?, the feeling of being a star and performing was coming back to her after giving up on her dreams last week? LLLLLoved it. But where was Rachel’s traditional “Ladies and Gentlemen. The new Die-rections” at the end?

Dashboard Paradise “Vintage.” HOLY SMOKES. LOVED IT. So cute and amazing. Can’t wait to learn the words to this. Rachel and Finn, Puck sang. Santana and Brit. Kurt and Blaine. Rachel was on fire. Just phenomenal.

Vocal Adrenaline

I didn’t pay close attention to these but all I know is Unique did a split. Oh and Unique had stage fright. DON’T COME FOR ME. And I love Jesse St. James. My only wish is that he join Finn Rachel and Kurt at NYADA.

The Judges

Weird guy, Perez Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. I am not a Lindsey Lohan fan by any means but every time I hear her voice I am taken back to a special place and time. JAMBO. Also when did Perez get so skinny? Celebrity Fit Club? Scales don’t lie! Great back-and-forth in the judges deliberation room. This episode just brought the noise and brought down the house in every way.

The Verdict

New Directions were clearly better, and they won it all. Spoiler Alert. Woops. Cue the slow motion cheering, confetti and smiles. Moments that made me cry included: Rachel hugging Mr. Shue (remember when they were always at odds Season 1), Sue holding up the Hunger Games signal to the stage, Emma looking on with pride, Santana tackling Artie in his wheelchair. Just stop it now. Too good.

But the best moment for me, of course occurred back in the halls of McKinley. So I’ll go ahead and skip to my Favorite Moment of the Episode, and maybe of my life: When the Glee Club returned to McKinley. Slow motion confetti slushies. Jocks hugging Kurt. Cheerleaders and Rachel. Random girl getting Rachel’s autograph. That scene is what Glee is all about. Kids who were lost in the world coming together and kicking ass! Roooarrr I’m so pumped up with positive energy right now!

Oh and Emma and Will had sex. That was an interesting part to insert in there. It was my pleasure. Literally. Hahahaha oh Wemma.

But it ain’t over yet yall. We have one final scene to make Rachel cry her make-up off even more before she goes to work. (And by Rachel I mean me, the original Rachel before Rachel Berry was created.) The scene came to us courtesy of the Teacher of the Year award, which borrowed from Season 1’s finale and the kids poured one out for the homie Will Shuester. Say what you want about the man, but he loves his kids. (Maybe too much). I just loved the whole damn thing, especially the hug line, in which the extra long hug to Kurt Hummel caused me to burst out into uncontrollable tears. I need to become tougher over this summer hiatus, clearly. What a way to end. Flawless.

Overall Grade for the Episode: A+++

Wonderful from start to finish. Gave me all those Glee moments that I (literally) live for.

Favorite Performance of the Episode: Dashboard Paradise. Got everyone involved, but highlighted my girl. It was epic.

Least Favorite Performance of the Episode: The Ping Pong song. I zoned out.

I have no least favorite moment because it was all so great. I’m all a-twitter with happy tweets.

Other Thoughts:

-Finn was sooooo sweaty during his Nationals performance

-What is New Directions Bubbly? They were definitely getting crunk in the choir room

-Unique is coming to McKinley??

-Sue with the two Hunger Games shoutouts. Idhi.

-Jesse St. James is a class act and I love him so much.

-I wonder if after a lovey-dovey Finchel scene, Cory Monteith takes Lea Michele aside and says “I really meant what I said in that scene.” Hahaha these are the things that I think about.

-Does that same show choir announcer travel around to every competition in the universe?

-The unholy trinity- Love it.

-Did you notice how they tried to spotlight Finn’s dancing?? Haha good job Finn

-Most of the New Direction’s choreography consists of them running circles around each other but I love it so much

-Unique has topped everyone in the world as the most dramatic person of all time

-The “higher than any other” in Starships bothered me so bad.

-Principal Figgins is once again the MVP of every episode ever.

Next Week’s Episode:

Might all my dreams come true in one episode??? I can’t wait, but alas I never want this season to end!!!! I cried during the preview. Please watch and relate. Relax, relate, release! Please let Sandy Ryerson be in this episode. Commencement speech?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7IQBp1Wz88

Prop Prop Americano: Luca Brasi Swims with the Fishes

Jenna Uskowitz fans must have been raising hell or something for this episode to have occurred. “Props” was good, but I can barely focus on this episode when I just want to watch Nationals over and over and over and over again. So I will quickly recap/judge and then on to the next one.

So here’s the deal. Rachel sang. Tina sang. Some people switched bodies and other crap happened. That’s basically the jist but read on if you must.

We kicked it off with Rachel Berry putting on her best baby voice in a typical self-indulgent and slow motion interpretation of one of my favorite songs of 2012 “I Won’t Give Up.” This is probably the only Rachel Berry cover that I don’t like more than the original. Jason Mraz holla!  This episode confirmed what you should all know and accept by now- it’s all about Rachel, she is the best, she is amazing, etc. Last week she said that her dream died, but this week she wasn’t going to give up on us!! (her and herself? Or the New Directions, I think she was referring to herself and her dreams). So in typical Rachel Berry fashion, she started stalking Whoopi Goldberg to get another chance at NYADA. There has to be another school Rachel, let’s broaden our horizons a bit? But whatever. All I have to say is that Rachel is Glee. Glee is Rachel. Everyone else can be mute for the rest of the show’s run for all I care. GOOOOO RACHEL.

Tina Cohen-Chang aka Girl Asian aka the Human Prop was not too keen on this school of thought, which exposed us to an odd relationship/dynamic between Rachel and Tina that left me feeling embarrassed for Cohen Cohen Chang Chang. They made it seem like Tina sits at home thinking about Rachel and putting pins in her Rachel Berry voodoo doll whilst Rachel combs her hair while singing to the mirror. WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH ME? Tina decided that she could do anything RB could do and she was FED UP!!

Tina… let me break it down for you. You can’t do what Rachel can do. The reason you don’t get solos is because you’re not even the 8^th best singer in your club. Rachel is the least of your problems.  And you ain’t gonna be the lead next year either, so sorrrry about it.

That being said, she did a very nice job on "Because You Love Me." I really enjoyed her hitting those high notes, though I couldn’t help but imagine Rachel Berry singing the notes with more fervor and intensity. (Luckily I got my fair of CELINE DION who is married to Rene Angelil., for the night.) And in the end, Tina accepted her role as a back-up singer... which to me seemed a little bit like... bitch what? After all that you are just going to sew her costumes again? Lesson learned: Know your place. (???) Alll right.

In other news… two worlds collide, when Puck and Beiste both find themselves wielding Brandon Warren knives to defend themselves from jocks (I'm just a jock).

Turns out, things hadn’t really gotten better between Coach Beiste and Coooter Maaayyynkin, star of 21 Jump Street. After 3 of the muses made Beiste feel bad for staying with her hubby, she finally packed up and left, but not before ripping him a new cooter. Ew sorry had to do it.  When Beiste came onto Glee in Season 2 I never in my wildest dreams thought she would do such a grool job- but she was awesome yet again. Suck it Cooter! I hope your recruit de-commits! 

Puck aka Lola aka Punkin also had a breakdown. Rick the Stick hit him wear it hurts, and called him the same name that Quinn did oh so many years ago: “Lima Loser.” OH YOU HAVE CROSSED THE LINE!! DON’T NOBODY CALL ME A LIMA LOSER!!! Come on guys, we are ALL losers. The Glee Kid Rock sign is an L on your forehead. Nevertheless, a street fight broke out, and after Puck rose from the ashes (dumpster), he wielded a PROP knife (circle fits the square) and that really made him look like a bad ass. (I would have gone with twirling baton, but that's just me.) Beiste comforted Puck in an awesome Punkin moment and this all culminated in a freaking great TAYLOR SWIFT NUMBER AND I AM SITTING HERE WONDERING WHY THEY HAVEN’T DONE MORE T SWIZZLE ON GLEE!

And amidst all of this excitement- it was FWEAKY FWIDAY and everyone switched bodies! (for about 5 seconds).

Here are some of my highlights of the body swapping: 

-Puck doing the Blaine aware eyes.

-Artie had a ponytail

-Kurt’s finn face during Tina’s performance. I die.

-Kurt mocking the annoying pep talks that Rachel and Finn have to give each other to survive every episode

-Quinn NAILED her Sugar Motta  impression about 50 times in 3 minutes.

-Santana doing Artie’s church wave hahahahahahhaha

Overall Grade for the Episode: A

Hilarious. Puck and Beiste were MVPs.

Favorite Performance of the Episode: Mean performed by Beiste and Puck.  Despite Puck’s high-pitched nerd voice at the beginning, I loved it.

Least Favorite Performance of the Episode: What a Feeling performed by RB and her less talented counterpart Tina Cohen Chang. Have always hated that song. I blame JSOD.

Favorite Moment of the Episode:

Kurt yelling oooh Get her! Get her! When Tina feel into the coy pond.

Least Favorite Moment of the Episode: Mercedes as Brittany. Let’s never speak of that fat cat again. 

Other thoughts:

-Jersey shore Halloween costumes. I love Kurt.

-Of course Sue is driving the Nationals bus.

-You will wear this flapper dress and perform at nationals as lady porcelina

-Mike Chang’s middle name is Robert… fun fact for all you fans outs there

-I need to see The Artist

-Artie is my favorite person in the Glee Club right now because he is single.

-Tina should have taken that 50 dollar bribe and shuuuuuuddddup

That Awkward Moment When You Can Walk Again #PromProblems

Before I recap and blog about the awesomeness of this awesomely awesome episode, I just want to say that whoever invented prom was sent straight from heaven and whoever decided to make a glee prom episode an annual occurrence… (Ryan Murphy) I tip my tiny prom hat off to you. If you aren’t as excited as I am you should def check this out. BEST TV PROMS EVVVA

Furthermore, I want to go to prom. I want to tan for 3 weeks straight in preparation, and then go to a salon to get my hair done and then take it out as soon as I get home and redo it in colonial judge curls. I want to go eat a group dinner at a Sino American Chinese buffet and then dance the night away to the sweet sound of the New Directions. I feel like I’m floating on air just thinking about it. Kind of like castles in the clouds or a stairway to heaven?

But of course the Glee kids can’t just have a worry-free and jubilant prom like normal people. So I thought I would discuss these prom problems using the #hashtag #promproblems and give all of you countless readers a taste of how they #solvedthem #or #didn’tsolvethem.

#PromProblem 1: Brittany Rocks a Rattail

Brittany S. Pierce gave us a glimpse into what the world would be like if Sarah Palin were ever elected President. And we discovered that she was screwing the pooch in all kinds of ways and in jeopardy of having the post eliminated all together. She needed to redeem herself both literally in the eyes of her student body and administration and figuratively in my eyes as she annoys and bores me. But after this episode… I got 99 #promproblems but Britty ain’t one. Her one-liners were hilarious, and when she called that girl Rachel Berry I died and went to prom heaven. She also successfully rocked a braided rat tail and performed a song that was within her vocal range. So snaps for you Brit! And none for gretchen weiners bye. And the Dinosaur theme ruled man! Just killin it on all levels, except she only got 4 votes for prom queen but I repeat, sometimes it be's like that.

#PromProblem 2: Becky Buckwild wants a seat on Noah’s Arc (see what I did there?)

It was the return of Becky’s inner monologue as she lashed out against everyone because she was not nominated for prom queen. Ouch. After breaking an accordion or two and being called a bitch by her mentor, (wonder where she gets that from) Becky turned to strip poker (?) to help calm her nerves. Really? Is this an episode of General Hospital that I missed?  Fortunately, Puckerman who was going through his own #promproblem of being #dumb&unmotivated, crowned Becky queen of the punch-spiking and gave the viewers a feel-good moment. Puck was shirtless for a spell and he successfully spiked the punch and even better news- he’ll get another go at it next year! Silver lining!

Let’s move on to Quinn in a segment I like to call…

#PromProblems: The #IamParalyzed edition

Quinn’s problems are both psychological as they always are and physical (see: Wheelchair). As for her psychological problems, we were taken back to last season’s creepy Quinn music and she apparently is still obsessed with her plan to Take over the world (win the crown). This is confusing for me, because I thought we were past this stage of her life, but nevertheless it was good to see the fight in old Quinn again. But as she realized, she basically kicked high school’s ass and she doesn’t need a crown to feel good about herself (but apparently Rachel Berry does.) After all... it's just... plastic. But seriously, she should have been queen. Prom Queen is Prom Quinn? It’s just too perfect.

Which brings me to phase 2 of her #promproblems: Her inability to walk. Hey Finn… suck it. She was in a wheelchair. She is allowed to get sympathy votes and sit in her chair for as long as she wants. If I remember correctly- you pretended to be handicapped in Season 1 (Episode: Wheels) to get a job to support your fake unborn baby so kick rocks, Quinn is the shit, she can do whatever she wants.

#PromProblem 4: Gellin like a felon

Blaine almost protested prom because of hair gel. That’s what makes you beautiful na na na na na na na.

#PromProblem 5: The Election Imperfection Proved the Votes were a lie (Song Lyric credit to Kate Southall)

What is with the stuffing ballots at this school? This isn’t Florida, people. Have some class.

#PromProblem 6: Rachel Berry throws herself a Pre-Prom Pity-Party

Sigh. So much to say about poor little Rachel Barbara Berry. I am torn about my sympathy for her. On the one hand, the failed audition was rough and for her that’s probably worse than THIS happening. But the Quinn jealousy was dumb- aren’t you guys like totally Besties now? And to boycott your senior prom is like sacrilegious and also against the rules of feminism! But I knew she would come around, and she did so looking FABULOUS (10’s across the board 10 10 10 10) if I do say so myself. But in a shocking twist of events (don’t know how I didn’t see this coming) Rachel was crowned prom queen! Apparently in high school now if two people vote for you- you automatically win!

In this moment of shock, I had several thoughts running through my head. They were: She doesn’t deserve this because 1. she looks banging, 2. she has more talent than anyone in her school 3. She is engaged to the love of her life 4. She has awesome friends 5. She isn’t an outcast anymore, etc. But after all of the negative thoughts left my brain, I started crying of course because I flashed back to her old days in Season 1 when all she wanted was to be popular and special and now her two sworn enemies (Santana and Quinn) had decided to lift her up out of her doldrums and give her a nice night. So I thought it was sweet. And I loved it.

Overall Grade for the Episode: A+

It’s PROM for God’s sake. The music (while boring) fit in perfectly with the episode (aside from Big Girls Don't Cry... random) and I just love seeing everyone in their prom fashion!

Favorite Performance of the Episode: Take my Breath Away  (also my least Favorite of the episode, see next lines) I love Quinn singing anything, and I liked all the snapshots of everyone. 

Least Favorite Performance of the Episode: Take my Breath away.

I hate that song. Jessica Simpson and her weird mouth ruined it for me for life.

Favorite Moment of the Episode: When Brittany got that Prom Committee girl confused with Rachel Berry.

Least Favorite Moment of the Episode: Sam and Mercedes are dating??? Way to drop that bomb on us when we were casually enjoying a Glee prom episode.

Other Thoughts:

-I am actually extremely concerned about Tina Cohen-Chang’s mental state after Mike Chang (no relation) leaves for college

-Jar Jar Binks

-Girl taking a bite out that dinosaur leg. Just a thought.

-Mike Chang is so adorable.

-Shane’s new girlfriend… can we say upgrade??? Hahah woops

-Finn is overly sensitive about everything. Guess that’s what makes him a good bf. Sigh.

-I don’t think Sue is really preggers

-Where were Roz and Coach Beiste in their gowns? And Emma come on you can do better than that

-DISAPPOINTMENT! That Figgins didn’t pronounce Quinn’s last name wrong like he has in the past. FAHHHHbray.

Next week's episode:

2 HOURS LONG ARE YOU KIDDING ME PLEASE NEVER LET THIS SEASON END! Freaky Friday and etc. 

It's Chokin Time! Mastadon, Berrydactyl, Triceratops, Sabre-Toothed Tiger, (Tina), Puckasaurus!

 AND WE'RE BACKKKKKK!

I love Glee as much as the next glee blogger but I have to admit that I have been slightly disappointed with the new episodes since "On My Way." There have been too many neatly tied up storylines and not enough situations in which I lie in bed tossing and turning about what happens next. (btw did anyone else get the Watch What Happens reference from Nene?) BRAVOTV Bitches.

But this episode was a breath of fresh air, and by fresh air I mean the stench of failure, rejection and domestic abuse!! Please view this clip to fully understand what I think of when I hear the word "choke."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gWIJCt3p8s. Ok now that we have that out of the way...

The first one of our highlighted characters to choke was none other than Puckasaurus. Apparently knocking girls up and cleaning pools in the winter does not translate into book smarts; and after deciding that rocking Green Day eye makeup and being a deadbeat dad wasn't for him- Puck buckled down to study some geography! He literally kissed an old lady's neck to not fail bahahahha that was uncomfortable. The boys were like "no man left behind" and somehow teen Jesus was invited to the locker room club even though he is clearly has never lifted a weight in his life. And Puck studied "so hard" with the boys- they had to pass him right? WRONG.  Ok, he drew a rock dino on his test. He failed. But I am glad he failed for several reasons: 1. I needed something realistic to happen in up in this show 2. I need some drama in my life 3. Maybe he will be in the glee club next year?? Hellz yeah. His dad showed up for two seconds, too. WHATEVER MAN.

So Puck choked on his test. But onto a more literal choking... Coach Beiste was featured in yet another Glee life lesson- this time about domestic violence. Ok. Although I should not be surprised that a man who calls himself COOTER is a heathen/foolio, I have to say I was TRULY shocked that he was abusive to cuddly ole Beiste. Poor Coach Beiste. Did he break his hand? Hahah oh that was insensitive.  Cooter seems like such a nice guy. But I guess that was the point that they were trying to get across to Mercedes, Sugar, Satana and Brit Brit- who I will refer to as the Muses from this point forward. Black Sue, Original Recipe Sue and the Muses did their best to support Beiste but in the end she was too insecure to leave her hubby. Beiste really did a GROOOOOL job making us understand how hard it can be to leave your man, especially since she is someone who has not had luck with love in the past. Did anyone else want her to beat Cooter's ass in the very end? Now that would have spiced up my life, she could have recruited Lauren Zizes. Remember when she rocked Santana? LIMA HEIGHTS ADJACENT.

The last and most important part of this episode was of course, Rachel and Kurt's NYADA auditions. My heart was near explosion through all these parts. So many questions...Play it safe or go with what you know? Rachel thought that Kurt was self-sabotaging by trying to take a risk but it turns out that she maybe didn't know so much herself. Wait, that isn't right is it?

SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING! So Kurt announced his song choice and Whoopi gave him one of these. (couldn't find the link but just imagine what I'm trying to get across). But then he decided to take a risk and ripped off his outer layer to reveal some gold pants and a new song. Ha cha cha! This performance took me back to Rose's Turn in Season one and then Whoopi gave him

HIGH PRAISE.

And all the while you could see the slight glimmer of panic in Ray Ray's eyes when she realized that her song choice was a little safe- but no...she was READY to kick this shit. And then she went out there AND.... she choked like a DAWG. Oooooh the horror!!! WHYYYYY?? That was almost too much to take.  It just doesn't make sense- Rachel Berry does not choke... what could have brought this on? Is Finn stifling her talent? Were Whoopi's hippie glasses reflecting the light right into her pupils? Do her bangs weigh too heavily on her forehead, thereby putting pressure on a vital memory section of the brain? This was heartbreaking, and RB let it all out after she choked so bad it was like she was put in the chokey and forced to eat an entire chocolate cake in front of her classmates. Looks like NYADA is out? We shall see. I mean if Quinn can survive a car crash I'm sure Rachel can overcome a bad audition.

Overall Grade for the Episode: A

Great performances from Beiste and Rachel. Sue and NeNe were funny, and Puck is fine.

Favorite Performance of the episode: Shake it out performed by the Muses. Harmonizing on an A+ song whilst peeps are crying just cannot go wrong. So flawless... gave Tina some shine, too.

Least favorite performance of the episode: The Rain in Spain. What would possess them to put this in the show.

Favorite Moment(s) of the Episode:

Tina serving up the comedy in the Phantom of the opera rehearsal. And  the Liza Minneli death scare. Also Blaine's hair gel advice.

Least favorite moment of the episode: The disappointing singing and dancing in Cell Block Tango. Watch and Learn.

Other random thoughts:

-NeNe, you're right- Cell Block Tango is not empowering-That lady at the pool is who I want to be in 20 years
-Loved the throwback Regionals dresses from season 1
Where the f was Quinn? Is she taking extended days off? Did she already go to Yale or something?
-NEW REVELATION. Smiley blonde guitar player in the background of shake it out. Weyud.

Next Week's Episode:
PROM IS DINOSAUR THEMED!!!! Last year's prom episode was one of the best ever so they better brrrrring it.

Is Disco Dead or is Whitney Still Alive? Terribly Mysterious.

Since I suck at life recently, I have been failing as a professional blogger. I wouldn’t be surprised if all my fans and readers have left me for a younger, hipper and more hilarious girl who is obsessed with glee.

But for those of you who have stayed loyal… "I am so sorry."  Life got in the way …. Sigh… but I’m back and ready to waste hours of my life writing about a fictional tv show.

Lucky for me, both Saturday Night Glee-ver and Dance With Somebody didn’t move the plot forward at all so it’s not like I missed anything big. But I still wanna rant so boom baby.

So basically Glee did the thing where they really want to do a song or tribute and then try to make a plot that revolves around the songs (see Somebody that I used to know). In this case, Disco was supposed to help the Glee Club seniors figure out their futures while Whitney Houston songs were supposed to help them let go of their anxiety about graduating??? Sure, let’s go with it.

Let’s start with DISCO. I’ll keep this brief as I don’t care about any of these seniors.

Finny Bear was mad at Rachie Poo because she like totally wasn’t thinking about HIS future, man! Drama! I’m so over this- they are clearly going to be together… isn’t this about the time when Finn is supposed to start dating Quinn again? Is it because she’s in a wheelchair? Shame on you, Glee- I need a love triangle. Anyway, after a breakdown it turns out Finn wants to be an ACTOR… because he watched freakin Saturday Night Fever. I can’t even waste finger strength typing about this anymore. He and Rachel made up, he is going to New York, he has a fancy white suit to wear to all of her premieres.

Mercedes aka the Laziest Person Alive also was the target of Mr. Shue’s guerilla counseling plot. Sam recorded her on his smartphone (creepy, gross, ew, stop) and proved to her that she is burning hotter than a disco inferno. YOU BELIEVED IN ME! and now she is going to L.A. because she got some positive comments on her youtube link.  AND THEY KISSED. Eye roll. Next.

Satana was determined to get famous by any costs and Brittany decided to help her out by publishing their sex tape to create some buzz. Buzzzzzzzzzzz. (If Andrew Bashuk ever reads this he will appreciate the buzz surrounding these party people.) This led to some shenanigans but of course the conflicts were resolved Full House style and Santana and Brittany just love each other oh so much. Again, where is the drama? Give me something to ponder at night, glee. This ain’t cuttin it. Oh yeah, AND she was admitted to the Louisville Cheerleading team on a full scholarship. Listen, I’ve seen Santana dance and cheer and there is no way this is possible but I am just going to let it go. But Glee writers, you should not let kids think they can just apply for schools at the last minute (Quinn, Finn) or get their significant others to fill out applications for them. (Mike Chang, Santana)  Getting into college is hard!!! Except for me, I am a genius so it was pretty easy.

The only other thing we had going on that I can remember was the Unique story. Someone told me yesterday that he was in the Glee Project but I’m glad I didn’t know that when I watched because I would’ve had some Rory/Teen Jesus biased hatred toward him. But since I didn’t, I have to say that I loved this little side story and the return of Jesse St. James. Why does Wade/Unique have better legs than me? LIP SYNC FOR YOUR LIIIIFE.

Overall Grade for the Episode: A-

The plot was STOOOPID (ya knocked out stupid) but I really enjoyed all of the dancing around in seventies outifts, (IT MUST BE THE SEVENTIES) jubilation and falsetto. Reminds me of Justin Timberlake when he wasn't ruining my twenties. Also if everyone didn’t just watch that last clip in its entirety then you are missing out.

Favorite Performance of Saturday Night Glee-Ver: More than a woman performed by Finn. That was just too precious with all of the couples and their freaky outfits.

Least favorite performance of Saturday Night Gleever: I seriously loved all of them. But Santana’s “If I Can’t Have You” because it was boring and she looked so damn skinny it made me sad.

Favorite Moment of Saturday Night Glee-ver: “Am I clear, Chunks McGriddle?” –Jesse St. James hahahaha

Least Favorite Moment of Saturday Night Glee-ver: Tina’s Soul Train line dance.

On to the next one. Whitney tribute episode.

At last. Although it seemed a little “after the fact” I just couldn’t help but love it because I LOVE WHITNEY. BOBBBBBAYYY. I wish they would have just done her greatest hits all episode and skipped trying to make this episode about something. But they tried, so here is what happened:

Just to get this out of the way. Not going to talk about Emma and Will’s wedding planner debacle. That was seriously so boring.

Quinn and Jesus boy. I cant. Why does she have to date everyone in the glee club again? And he is AWFUL. Can’t act, annoying, disgusting hair. He sings ite. But seriously, Glee is more concerned with integrating him into the cast than making a meaningful storyline that we care about, which would be something more along the lines of QUINN AND PUCK come on now what is so hard about that???? It makes me so angry that they are trying to pair her up with someone irrelevant. Grrrrrrr roar. So they are like in Christian love now and she is still in a wheelchair and the true bitter Quinn Fabray is coming back out. Their duet was cute though but IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER WITH PUCK.

The really zinger in this episode was the Kurt and Blaine love on the rocks. Kurt felt like Blaine was acting funny so he turned to some annoying guy he met in a music store and allowed him to send him flirty texts. THE NERVE. Blaine went through Kurt’s phone (as he should) and found out about it all and IT WAS ON via Whitney Houston numbers. Blaine first, because it’s not right… but it’s okay???? Psssh. He was pissed, but I was pissed that they cut out the best part of the song “all of this time I thought I had somebody down for me it turns out you were making a fooooool outta me yeeaaah”. Anyway, after a seriously sad talk with Burt, Kurt realized some stuff and decided to pour his heart out to Blaine via “I Have Nothing,” an unintentionally hilarious and high-pitched rendition of one of the best Whitney songs ever. It turns out that Blaine had been being distant because he was worried about the future and what would happen to them when Kurt graduates. That part was quite sad and I cried, yeah I did. But they reunited and it feels so good. I hope Blaine is the captain of the Glee Club next year.

Overall Grade for the Episode: A It’s Whitney Bitch.

Favorite Performance of Dance with Somebody: How Will I Know. I mean COME ON THAT WAS EPIC. The evening gowns SET IT OFF IN THIS MOTHER. Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn. Justified the whole Whitney Tribute.

Least Favorite Performance of Dance with Somebody: I Wanna Dance with Somebody. The dancing was cool. But I have to stick to my recommendation that Brittany never sing another tune in her life unless she is covering someone like Kesha or Britney Spears. Beyonce and Whitney????? Noooooooooo.

Favorite Moment of Dance with Somebody: Rachel trying to make “It’s Not Right But It’s Okay” all about her

Least Favorite Moment of Dance with Somebody: Awk Physical therapy things and quiet talking during those

Other Thoughts:

-Where were Rory and Sugar in both of these episodes?

-I knew they were going to kick Quinn out of everything just because she can’t dance.

-HOW DARRRRRRRRRE the Glee writers put a line in about a Whitney week being inappropriate!!!! There was no talk of this during MJ week. Again I say there is something wrong with people’s excusal of MJ’s behavior/lifestyle!!!

-I think Finn’s falsetto was the best out of everyone’s. Or maybe Blaine's was.

-Blaine is back to being flawless.

-Sue is by far the best dancer.

-I’m loving the real-life relationship between Cory Monteith and Lea Michele.

-Aww Santana and Rachel like each other! So boring.

-I love Burt Hummel.

-Mr. Shue loves those kids more than he loves Emma hahahaha

Next Episode: Choke- already seen and loved it!!! Going to write some crap.