Furthermore, I want to go to
prom. I want to tan for 3 weeks straight in preparation, and then go to a salon
to get my hair done and then take it out as soon as I get home and redo it in
colonial judge curls. I want to go eat a group dinner at a Sino American
Chinese buffet and then dance the night away to the sweet sound of the New
Directions. I feel like I’m floating on air just thinking about it. Kind of
like castles in the clouds or a stairway to heaven?
But of course the Glee
kids can’t just have a worry-free and jubilant prom like normal people. So I
thought I would discuss these prom problems using the #hashtag #promproblems and give all of you countless readers a taste of how they #solvedthem #or #didn’tsolvethem.
#PromProblem 1: Brittany Rocks a Rattail
Brittany S. Pierce gave us a glimpse into what the world would be like if Sarah Palin were ever elected President. And we discovered that she was screwing the pooch in all kinds of ways and in jeopardy of having the post eliminated all together. She needed to redeem herself both literally in the eyes of her student
body and administration and figuratively in my eyes as she annoys and bores me.
But after this episode… I got 99 #promproblems but Britty ain’t one. Her
one-liners were hilarious, and when she called that girl Rachel Berry I died
and went to prom heaven. She also successfully rocked a braided rat tail and
performed a song that was within her vocal range. So snaps for you Brit! And none for gretchen weiners
bye. And the Dinosaur theme ruled
man! Just killin it on all levels, except she only got 4 votes for prom queen
but I repeat, sometimes
it be's like that.
#PromProblem 2: Becky Buckwild wants a
seat on Noah’s Arc (see what I did there?)
It was the return of
Becky’s inner monologue as she lashed out against everyone because she was not
nominated for prom queen. Ouch. After breaking an accordion or two and being
called a bitch by her mentor, (wonder where she gets that
from) Becky turned to strip poker (?) to help calm her nerves. Really? Is
this an episode of General
Hospital that I missed? Fortunately,
Puckerman who was going through his own #promproblem of being
#dumb&unmotivated, crowned Becky queen of the punch-spiking and gave the viewers a feel-good moment. Puck was shirtless for a spell and he successfully spiked
the punch and even better news- he’ll get another go at it next year! Silver
lining!
Let’s move on to Quinn in
a segment I like to call…
#PromProblems: The #IamParalyzed edition
Quinn’s problems are both
psychological as they always are and physical (see: Wheelchair). As for her
psychological problems, we were taken back to last season’s creepy Quinn music
and she apparently is still obsessed with her plan to Take over the world (win the crown). This is confusing for me, because I thought we were
past this stage of her life, but nevertheless it was good to see the fight in
old Quinn again. But as she realized, she basically kicked high school’s ass
and she doesn’t need a crown to feel good about herself (but apparently Rachel
Berry does.) After all... it's just... plastic. But seriously, she should have been queen. Prom Queen is Prom
Quinn? It’s just too perfect.
Which brings me to phase 2
of her #promproblems: Her inability to walk. Hey Finn… suck it. She was in a
wheelchair. She is allowed to get sympathy votes and sit in her chair for as
long as she wants. If I remember correctly- you pretended to be handicapped in
Season 1 (Episode: Wheels) to get a job to support your fake unborn baby so
kick rocks, Quinn is the shit, she can do whatever she wants.
#PromProblem 4: Gellin like a felon
Blaine almost protested
prom because of hair gel. That’s what makes you beautiful na na na na na na na.
#PromProblem 5: The Election Imperfection Proved
the Votes were a lie (Song Lyric credit to Kate Southall)
What is with the stuffing
ballots at this school? This isn’t Florida, people. Have some class.
#PromProblem 6: Rachel Berry throws herself a Pre-Prom
Pity-Party
Sigh. So much to say about
poor little Rachel Barbara Berry. I am torn about my sympathy for her. On the one hand, the failed audition was rough and for her that’s probably worse than THIS happening. But the
Quinn jealousy was dumb- aren’t you guys like totally Besties
now? And to boycott your senior prom is like sacrilegious and also against the rules of feminism! But
I knew she would come around, and she did so looking FABULOUS (10’s across the
board 10 10 10 10) if I do say so myself. But in a shocking twist of events
(don’t know how I didn’t see this coming) Rachel was crowned prom queen!
Apparently in high school now if two people vote for you- you automatically
win!
In this moment of shock, I
had several thoughts running through my head. They were: She doesn’t deserve
this because 1. she looks banging, 2. she has more talent than anyone in her
school 3. She is engaged to the love of her life 4. She has awesome friends 5.
She isn’t an outcast anymore, etc. But after all of the negative thoughts left
my brain, I started crying of course because I flashed back to her old days in Season 1 when all she
wanted was to be popular and special and now her two sworn enemies (Santana and
Quinn) had decided to lift her up out of her doldrums and give her a nice
night. So I thought it was sweet. And I loved it.
Overall Grade for the Episode: A+
It’s PROM for God’s sake.
The music (while boring) fit in perfectly with the episode (aside from Big Girls Don't Cry... random) and I just love
seeing everyone in their prom fashion!
Favorite Performance of the Episode: Take my Breath Away (also my least Favorite of
the episode, see next lines) I love Quinn singing anything, and I liked all the
snapshots of everyone.
Least Favorite Performance of the Episode: Take my Breath away.
I hate that song. Jessica
Simpson and her weird mouth ruined it for me for life.
Favorite Moment of the Episode: When Brittany got that Prom Committee girl confused
with Rachel Berry.
Least Favorite Moment of the Episode: Sam and Mercedes are dating??? Way to drop that
bomb on us when we were casually enjoying a Glee prom episode.
Other Thoughts:
-I am actually extremely
concerned about Tina Cohen-Chang’s mental state after Mike Chang (no relation)
leaves for college
-Jar Jar Binks
-Girl taking a bite out
that dinosaur leg. Just a thought.
-Mike Chang is so
adorable.
-Shane’s new girlfriend…
can we say upgrade??? Hahah woops
-Finn is overly sensitive
about everything. Guess that’s what makes him a good bf. Sigh.
-I don’t think Sue is
really preggers
-Where were Roz and Coach
Beiste in their gowns? And Emma come on you can do better than that
-DISAPPOINTMENT! That Figgins didn’t pronounce Quinn’s last name wrong like he has in the past.
FAHHHHbray.
Next week's episode:
2 HOURS LONG ARE YOU KIDDING ME PLEASE NEVER LET THIS SEASON END! Freaky Friday and etc.
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