Jenna Uskowitz fans must have been raising hell or
something for this episode to have occurred. “Props” was good, but I can barely
focus on this episode when I just want to watch Nationals over and over and
over and over again. So I will quickly recap/judge and then on to the next one.
So here’s the deal. Rachel
sang. Tina sang. Some people switched bodies and other crap happened. That’s
basically the jist but read on if you must.
We kicked it off with Rachel Berry putting on her best baby
voice in a typical self-indulgent and slow motion interpretation of one of my
favorite songs of 2012 “I Won’t Give Up.”
This is probably the only Rachel Berry
cover that I don’t like more than the original. Jason Mraz holla! This episode confirmed what you should
all know and accept by now- it’s all about Rachel, she is the best, she is
amazing, etc. Last week she said that her dream died, but this week she wasn’t
going to give up on us!! (her and herself? Or the New Directions, I think she
was referring to herself and her dreams). So in typical Rachel Berry fashion,
she started stalking Whoopi Goldberg to get another chance at NYADA. There has
to be another school Rachel, let’s broaden our horizons a bit? But whatever. All I
have to say is that Rachel is Glee. Glee is Rachel. Everyone else can be mute
for the rest of the show’s run for all I care. GOOOOO RACHEL.
Tina Cohen-Chang aka Girl
Asian aka the Human Prop was not too keen on this school of thought, which
exposed us to an odd relationship/dynamic between Rachel and Tina that left me
feeling embarrassed for Cohen Cohen Chang Chang. They made it seem like Tina
sits at home thinking about Rachel and putting pins in her Rachel Berry voodoo
doll whilst Rachel combs her hair while singing to the mirror. WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH
ME? Tina decided that she could do anything RB could do and she was FED
UP!!
Tina… let me break it down
for you. You can’t do what Rachel can do. The reason you don’t get solos is
because you’re not even the 8th best singer in your club. Rachel is
the least of your problems. And
you ain’t gonna be the lead next year either, so sorrrry about it.
That being said, she did a
very nice job on "Because You Love Me." I really enjoyed her hitting those high
notes, though I couldn’t help but imagine Rachel Berry singing the notes with
more fervor and intensity. (Luckily I got my fair of CELINE DION who is
married to Rene Angelil., for the night.) And in the end, Tina accepted her role as a back-up singer... which to me seemed a little bit like... bitch what? After all that you are just going to sew her costumes again? Lesson learned: Know your place. (???) Alll right.
In other news… two worlds collide, when Puck and Beiste both find themselves
wielding Brandon Warren knives to defend themselves from jocks (I'm just a jock).
Turns out, things hadn’t
really gotten better between Coach
Beiste and Coooter Maaayyynkin, star of 21 Jump Street. After 3 of the
muses made Beiste feel bad for staying with her hubby, she finally packed up
and left, but not before ripping him a new cooter. Ew sorry had to do it. When Beiste came onto Glee in Season 2 I never in my wildest dreams
thought she would do such a grool job- but she was awesome yet again. Suck it Cooter! I hope your recruit de-commits!
Puck
aka Lola aka Punkin also had a breakdown. Rick the Stick hit him wear it hurts,
and called him the same name that Quinn did oh so many years ago: “Lima Loser.”
OH YOU HAVE CROSSED THE LINE!! DON’T NOBODY CALL ME A LIMA LOSER!!! Come on
guys, we are ALL losers. The Glee Kid Rock sign
is an L on your forehead. Nevertheless, a street fight broke out,
and after Puck rose from the ashes (dumpster), he wielded a PROP knife (circle
fits the square) and that really made him look like a bad ass. (I would have gone with twirling baton, but that's just me.) Beiste comforted Puck in an
awesome Punkin moment and this all culminated in a freaking great TAYLOR SWIFT
NUMBER AND I AM SITTING HERE WONDERING WHY THEY HAVEN’T DONE MORE T SWIZZLE ON
GLEE!
And amidst all of this
excitement- it was FWEAKY FWIDAY and everyone switched bodies! (for about 5
seconds).
Here are some of my highlights of the body
swapping:
-Puck doing the Blaine
aware eyes.
-Artie had a ponytail
-Kurt’s finn face during
Tina’s performance. I die.
-Kurt mocking the annoying
pep talks that Rachel and Finn have to give each other to survive every episode
-Quinn NAILED her Sugar
Motta impression about 50 times in
3 minutes.
-Santana doing Artie’s
church wave hahahahahahhaha
Overall Grade for the Episode: A
Hilarious. Puck and Beiste
were MVPs.
Favorite Performance of the Episode: Mean performed by Beiste and Puck. Despite Puck’s high-pitched nerd voice
at the beginning, I loved it.
Least Favorite Performance of the Episode: What a Feeling performed by RB and her less talented counterpart Tina Cohen Chang. Have always hated that song. I
blame JSOD.
Favorite Moment of the Episode:
Kurt yelling oooh Get her!
Get her! When Tina feel into the coy pond.
Least Favorite Moment of the Episode: Mercedes as Brittany. Let’s never speak of that
fat cat again.
Other thoughts:
-Jersey shore Halloween
costumes. I love Kurt.
-Of course Sue is driving
the Nationals bus.
-You will wear this
flapper dress and perform at nationals as lady porcelina
-Mike Chang’s middle name
is Robert… fun fact for all you fans outs there
-I need to see The Artist
-Artie is my favorite
person in the Glee Club right now because he is single.
-Tina should have taken
that 50 dollar bribe and shuuuuuuddddup
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