Is Disco Dead or is Whitney Still Alive? Terribly Mysterious.

Since I suck at life recently, I have been failing as a professional blogger. I wouldn’t be surprised if all my fans and readers have left me for a younger, hipper and more hilarious girl who is obsessed with glee.

But for those of you who have stayed loyal… "I am so sorry."  Life got in the way …. Sigh… but I’m back and ready to waste hours of my life writing about a fictional tv show.

Lucky for me, both Saturday Night Glee-ver and Dance With Somebody didn’t move the plot forward at all so it’s not like I missed anything big. But I still wanna rant so boom baby.

So basically Glee did the thing where they really want to do a song or tribute and then try to make a plot that revolves around the songs (see Somebody that I used to know). In this case, Disco was supposed to help the Glee Club seniors figure out their futures while Whitney Houston songs were supposed to help them let go of their anxiety about graduating??? Sure, let’s go with it.

Let’s start with DISCO. I’ll keep this brief as I don’t care about any of these seniors.

Finny Bear was mad at Rachie Poo because she like totally wasn’t thinking about HIS future, man! Drama! I’m so over this- they are clearly going to be together… isn’t this about the time when Finn is supposed to start dating Quinn again? Is it because she’s in a wheelchair? Shame on you, Glee- I need a love triangle. Anyway, after a breakdown it turns out Finn wants to be an ACTOR… because he watched freakin Saturday Night Fever. I can’t even waste finger strength typing about this anymore. He and Rachel made up, he is going to New York, he has a fancy white suit to wear to all of her premieres.

Mercedes aka the Laziest Person Alive also was the target of Mr. Shue’s guerilla counseling plot. Sam recorded her on his smartphone (creepy, gross, ew, stop) and proved to her that she is burning hotter than a disco inferno. YOU BELIEVED IN ME! and now she is going to L.A. because she got some positive comments on her youtube link.  AND THEY KISSED. Eye roll. Next.

Satana was determined to get famous by any costs and Brittany decided to help her out by publishing their sex tape to create some buzz. Buzzzzzzzzzzz. (If Andrew Bashuk ever reads this he will appreciate the buzz surrounding these party people.) This led to some shenanigans but of course the conflicts were resolved Full House style and Santana and Brittany just love each other oh so much. Again, where is the drama? Give me something to ponder at night, glee. This ain’t cuttin it. Oh yeah, AND she was admitted to the Louisville Cheerleading team on a full scholarship. Listen, I’ve seen Santana dance and cheer and there is no way this is possible but I am just going to let it go. But Glee writers, you should not let kids think they can just apply for schools at the last minute (Quinn, Finn) or get their significant others to fill out applications for them. (Mike Chang, Santana)  Getting into college is hard!!! Except for me, I am a genius so it was pretty easy.

The only other thing we had going on that I can remember was the Unique story. Someone told me yesterday that he was in the Glee Project but I’m glad I didn’t know that when I watched because I would’ve had some Rory/Teen Jesus biased hatred toward him. But since I didn’t, I have to say that I loved this little side story and the return of Jesse St. James. Why does Wade/Unique have better legs than me? LIP SYNC FOR YOUR LIIIIFE.

Overall Grade for the Episode: A-

The plot was STOOOPID (ya knocked out stupid) but I really enjoyed all of the dancing around in seventies outifts, (IT MUST BE THE SEVENTIES) jubilation and falsetto. Reminds me of Justin Timberlake when he wasn't ruining my twenties. Also if everyone didn’t just watch that last clip in its entirety then you are missing out.

Favorite Performance of Saturday Night Glee-Ver: More than a woman performed by Finn. That was just too precious with all of the couples and their freaky outfits.

Least favorite performance of Saturday Night Gleever: I seriously loved all of them. But Santana’s “If I Can’t Have You” because it was boring and she looked so damn skinny it made me sad.

Favorite Moment of Saturday Night Glee-ver: “Am I clear, Chunks McGriddle?” –Jesse St. James hahahaha

Least Favorite Moment of Saturday Night Glee-ver: Tina’s Soul Train line dance.

On to the next one. Whitney tribute episode.

At last. Although it seemed a little “after the fact” I just couldn’t help but love it because I LOVE WHITNEY. BOBBBBBAYYY. I wish they would have just done her greatest hits all episode and skipped trying to make this episode about something. But they tried, so here is what happened:

Just to get this out of the way. Not going to talk about Emma and Will’s wedding planner debacle. That was seriously so boring.

Quinn and Jesus boy. I cant. Why does she have to date everyone in the glee club again? And he is AWFUL. Can’t act, annoying, disgusting hair. He sings ite. But seriously, Glee is more concerned with integrating him into the cast than making a meaningful storyline that we care about, which would be something more along the lines of QUINN AND PUCK come on now what is so hard about that???? It makes me so angry that they are trying to pair her up with someone irrelevant. Grrrrrrr roar. So they are like in Christian love now and she is still in a wheelchair and the true bitter Quinn Fabray is coming back out. Their duet was cute though but IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER WITH PUCK.

The really zinger in this episode was the Kurt and Blaine love on the rocks. Kurt felt like Blaine was acting funny so he turned to some annoying guy he met in a music store and allowed him to send him flirty texts. THE NERVE. Blaine went through Kurt’s phone (as he should) and found out about it all and IT WAS ON via Whitney Houston numbers. Blaine first, because it’s not right… but it’s okay???? Psssh. He was pissed, but I was pissed that they cut out the best part of the song “all of this time I thought I had somebody down for me it turns out you were making a fooooool outta me yeeaaah”. Anyway, after a seriously sad talk with Burt, Kurt realized some stuff and decided to pour his heart out to Blaine via “I Have Nothing,” an unintentionally hilarious and high-pitched rendition of one of the best Whitney songs ever. It turns out that Blaine had been being distant because he was worried about the future and what would happen to them when Kurt graduates. That part was quite sad and I cried, yeah I did. But they reunited and it feels so good. I hope Blaine is the captain of the Glee Club next year.

Overall Grade for the Episode: A It’s Whitney Bitch.

Favorite Performance of Dance with Somebody: How Will I Know. I mean COME ON THAT WAS EPIC. The evening gowns SET IT OFF IN THIS MOTHER. Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn. Justified the whole Whitney Tribute.

Least Favorite Performance of Dance with Somebody: I Wanna Dance with Somebody. The dancing was cool. But I have to stick to my recommendation that Brittany never sing another tune in her life unless she is covering someone like Kesha or Britney Spears. Beyonce and Whitney????? Noooooooooo.

Favorite Moment of Dance with Somebody: Rachel trying to make “It’s Not Right But It’s Okay” all about her

Least Favorite Moment of Dance with Somebody: Awk Physical therapy things and quiet talking during those

Other Thoughts:

-Where were Rory and Sugar in both of these episodes?

-I knew they were going to kick Quinn out of everything just because she can’t dance.

-HOW DARRRRRRRRRE the Glee writers put a line in about a Whitney week being inappropriate!!!! There was no talk of this during MJ week. Again I say there is something wrong with people’s excusal of MJ’s behavior/lifestyle!!!

-I think Finn’s falsetto was the best out of everyone’s. Or maybe Blaine's was.

-Blaine is back to being flawless.

-Sue is by far the best dancer.

-I’m loving the real-life relationship between Cory Monteith and Lea Michele.

-Aww Santana and Rachel like each other! So boring.

-I love Burt Hummel.

-Mr. Shue loves those kids more than he loves Emma hahahaha

Next Episode: Choke- already seen and loved it!!! Going to write some crap.