Do you hear what I hear? Who is it? Who is it? Who is it? It's Glee

Before I delve into this week's Christmas episode, I'd like to offer all of my countless readers a chance to make a Christmas contribution to my dance team. (Remember that time you loved me enough to give me money?) In the spirit of Christmas and Glee- visit this link to donate. 

http://www.active.com/donate/auspirit

Every little bit helps! :-) :-) :-)

Fa la la la la! Glee Christmas episode.  If you are like me and have seen every Glee episode several times, you probably weren't expecting a lot of excitement in this episode. And with 10 musical numbers- you can't expect much or any forward plot movement. Instead, those adorable and talented glee kids taught us what the holidays- no not the holidays- what Christmas is all about. I will list what I learned now:

1. Christmas is all about forgiveness. Sue forgave the kids for making her bleed from the ears, the kids forgave Sue for ruining their lives for the past couples of years. Quinn forgave herself for ruining the first half of your senior year and Artie forgave Brittany for those malfunctioning legs she made him use last Christmas. Sam forgave everyone for uprooting him to compete in sectionals and moved back home- wait a second... And I forgive Glee for taking away Lauren Zizes and replacing her with a Scottish kid who only sings song about his homeland.

2. Christmas is all about rejecting gifts from your boyfriend.
Girls, you know when your boyfriend acts like he's not going to give you anything for Christmas or Valentine's Day and you go along with it and pretend to be sad and then when that special day finally arives....SURPRISE! He actually got you exactly what you wanted!!!!!! DO NOT accept his gift. Sell it for cash and give that shit to someone who really deserves it or you are probably a selfish, materialistic person like Kim Kardashian. That whore! Besides, the gift probably was less about you and more about him, for example a star he "bought for you" is probably just named after himself. On a less sarcastic note, that star part made me cry, because it made me flash forward to months from now when Rachel and Finn will inevitably have to part ways. Lord beer me strength!

3. Christmas is all about forgetting about your moral and religious convictions. You're a vegan? Well fun times for you because this Christmas you get to adopt and name an African pig that will be slaughtered in your name! Oh you're Jewish... Hanukkwhat? If all of your friends love Christmas- you should probably just go along with it and sing songs about Santa and Jesus Christ being born. And if you're GAY?  Fahged about et! Instead of using a television show to educate your fellow citizens about acceptance, just call your boyfriend your holiday roommate. (Loved that).

4. Christmas without your family sucks. I feel you on dat one, Rory. Can't wait to get home.

5. Christmas is great and all, but its all about being sad. You want cheer and happiness, well I want Frosty the Snowman! Children should hear the truth! That man melted and DIED, yall! PEOPLE DIE YOU KNOW! And you homeless people, guess what? There are people in Africa who are hungry too, and you should  "thank God it's them instead of you." All they have are the "bitter sting of tears of" and "the clanging chimes of doom" as opposed to all the great stuff you have. If you want to feel even better, the glee club is going to sing to you about how lucky/hungry you are whilst looking really happy, just so you know.

If it sounds like I'm criticizing this episode- it's because I am, in a loving way. I just love Christmas so much and would have liked to have my brain teased before a long month without a new glee episode. That being said, I liked this years episode slightly more than last year- the black and white special was hilarious. Kurt and Rachel really know how to overact and fake smile- NYADA woop! And how could I ask for more when I have Finn and Puck dressed as Luke Skywalker and Han Solo singing about Santa.

Overall, it wasn't my favorite episode, but I loved it as I love all Glee episodes. And I'm so ready for Christmas omg.

Favorite Performance of the episode: My Favorite Things performed by Rachel, Mercedes, Blaine and Kurt. Maybe I liked this so much because it was the only one I hadn't already listened to on the Glee Christmas Cd. Rachel sounded perfect! And I love that song.

Least favorite performance of the episode: Do they know it's Christmas performed by the New Directions. Again, singing to homeless people about people having it worse than you and asking them to "feed the world" seems a wee bit out of place.

Favorite moment of the episode: Mike Chang (No relation to Tina Cohen-Chang) pas de chat-ing across the room before the ribbon dance.

Least favorite moment of the episode: Rachel being mean to Finn. That ain't cool RB. She was probably just mad that no one was mentioning Hanukkah up in that place.

Other Random Thoughts
Ribbon dance- yes!

I agree- Christmas would definitely be cancelled if your wireless internet stopped working

Lol on Rachel's gifts to Blaine- Bow tie and capri pants

You bought a real turkey and prepared it with stuffing to be used as a prop? 

Santa probably won't make it this year because we are nearing the "end times." Greatttt

Wish I could watch Rory's Kentucky Christmas. I imagine a lot of awkward silence.

SPOILER ALERT FOR ANYONE UNDER 10: Does Brittany still think that Santa exists or did she figure it out?

Next New Glee episode all the way in 2012:

Will proposes to Emma!!!!! Flash forward to me sobbing while putting on my makeup on a Wednesday morning. 

 MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!! IF I HAVE ANY SELF-RESPECT AND CLASS I WILL NOT BE BLOGGING OVER THE HOLIDAYS!!!! which means I probably will.

DONATE: http://www.active.com/donate/auspirit

If I Die Young, bury me with Sam Evans doing a body roll

The Sectionals episodes are always the highlights of the season for me. In season 1, Finn found out that not having sex with your gf directly results in you not impregnating her, and Rachel laid down the most magical performance known to man with "Don't Rain on my Parade." Last season's Sectionals episode brought a Rachel and Finn break-up and the New Directions emergence of Satana with "Valerie."

So you can imagine my disappoint when this years sectionals episode was wiggedy wiggedy wiggedy wack. (For the most part.)

Glee does this thing when they really need stuff to happen right away so they talk really fast and come to insanely quick conclusions to make it happen. Enter Sam Evans.

Don't get me wrong- I love trouty mouth and glad that he is back. The fact that he is a stripper in Kentucky doesn't even bother me. It's the fact that he came back to McKinley so suddenly just because they needed "star power" at Sectionals. (Really? For star power you think of Trouty Mouth?) If I were Sam, I would be none too pleased that they suddenly want to be my friend again so I can come sleep on their couches and help them win.  And the Sam and Mersizzle thing... Do I even have to comment? I don't believe it, maybe I need to see a flashback of their hot summer fling (ew) to fully understand. But Sam's back! And he's gone country- singing about solo cups. (I feel you, Kurt. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?)

Btw, Mike Chang's dad is now accepting of Mike Chang, Jr becoming a dancer, after Tina told him to be honorable. Snore.

And Blaine and Finn made up in the first 10 minutes. That feud really had us on the edge of our seats!!! Love that Blaine was in fight club. And that he is perfect in every way.

So the actual sectionals performances were the meat of the episode I guess. The Unitards were good, surprised they were so happy about getting third.

Troubletones. Sigh. You had so much potential. For some reason you decided to choreograph a bunch of arm flapping while singing two of the most stereotypical "girl power" songs ever. Yawn. You could have had it all rolling in the deep.

Speaking of Troubletones, looks like we have seen the last of  Ms. Robinson Corcoran. After Quinn threatened to snitch on her and Puck, Shelby seemed to have accepted the fact that she fucked up and shouldn't be teaching anymore. But does she love Puck? She seemed kind of sad. Also, here's a message to all you kids out there: It sucks to be old. Stick that in your pipe and don't smoke it because it will make you look older and then your life will suck even more!

And this brings us to the Quinn "rich white girl problems" Fabray portion of our program. As much as she has annoyed me this season, I like what they have done with her. And I would also argue that being a pregnant teen and giving your baby up for adoption is slightly more problematic than normal white people problems like "my closet to too full to fit all my clothes and I'm going to be late for class." Quinn is so unhappy with how her life has turned out so far, and desperate for something to make her feel better (being a skank, stealing beth, Puck, Sam). Not sure if it was Sam, Shelby, or Rachel's pep talk that finally got through to her, but it was pretty clear by the end of the episode that she is back!!!!!! I'm so happy- and I hope that she doesn't fade to the background of New Directions now that she isn't as controversial. And is she smart enough to get into Yale?? Has she been keeping up with her homework throughout all her baby napping schemes? We shall see.

So she decides to not snitch and New Directions performs. Ok.  First issue with this performance is that it was about 10X longer than the others, and a lot of those songs could have been cut shorter. I liked ABC okay,  Kurt stole the show of course, but it was not that exciting. And then Control- which was set off by Quinn looking like her psycho self -was okay, but again it was waayyyy to long and they should have just stuck to one verse and one chorus. How can I complain about Man in the Mirror? I can't. Everyone sounded good, Puck's little MJ dance made me laugh out loud, and did everyone like the invisible gospel choir that chimed in at the end? And then New Directions won, which of course I was thrilled about because the TroubleTones can KICK HUGE ROCKS and ND were def better than them, even if their performance must have broken some kind of rules about length of routine.

I give the first 40 minutes of the episode at C, but the last 10 minutes an A+. They gave me the warm and fuzzy glee moments that keep me coming back every time and I was in tears as I was putting on my makeup for the day (not the most opportune time to be crying.) First of all, Mr. Shue and Emma are weird, but when he pointed to her, IN SLOW MOTION I MIGHT ADD, and blew a kiss to her in the audience, I was done. Glee Club has brought them so much happiness! And I absolutely love the Quinn and Rachel friendship (even though Quinn is cowering over her now... seriously did she grow a foot when she started smoking cigarettes?). 

Best part of the episode was the girl talk in the bathroom, when Quinn sums up the lesson of the episode, which was that you need to enjoy the time you have and not worry about the little petty things (details in the fabric, white people problems, etc.) Which I feel like ALLLL of the people reading this blog (including myself) should pay attention to. Life is short people! And we will all be old one day, so we need to chill out a little.

And so the only 4 people who had names in the TroubleTones (I guess all of the cheerios just said forget it) swallowed their pride and returned to the New Directions (wait, does Sugar Motta get to join now? I thought she was rejected?), which culminated in a performance that was worthy of a sectionals episode. (FINALLY!!!)

Favorite Performance of the episode: 
We are Young performed by the new again New Directions. Pure perfection, was sweet and sounded good, made me so happy inside and will probably be watching this again 47 times before the day is over. And Rachel is back! And so is Sam! And Santana! And Mercedes! AND OH MR. SHUE CAME TO PLAY!

Least Favorite Performance of the episode: 
I Will Survive/Survivor. Hate to say it ladies, but you really screwed the pooch on this one. And that's saying a lot seeing as one of tonight's performances was entitled "Red Solo Cup." Safe song choice, SLOPPY FREAKSHOW BABY dancing. Dumb Dumb Stupid.

Favorite Moment of the Episode: When Shelby and Quinn ice-grilled each other in the hallway.

Least Favorite Moment of the Episode: Sam's scene with his parents... Yall made a big fuss out of casting his parents for 30 seconds of boring conversation? Lame.

Other Random Thoughts:
-Sebastian is not only flawless-looking, he is kinda mean. If he were straight he would be perfect for Quinn.
-No insult is better than "You smell like Craigs List"
-Mr. Shue running into the last performance and doing his Mr. Shue laugh was unintentionally hilarious
-As Nina said "Noone understands that Sugar Motta is the best character"
-I need to find a boyfriend who will fill out my college applications and tell my parents to let me do things
-I can't wait until Shane sits on Sam and crushes him like Uncle Phil crushed that bunny
-Why is Quinn wearing a tight white graduation dress in December? In ohio?



Next Week's Episode:
Couldn't tell much from the episode, but it looks funny. I hope there is some Christmas romance!

Are any of yall into Glee like I am? Lesbihonest

DISCLAIMER: My internet service was slow this morning so I only had time to watch the episode once. If I miss something- shut up whatever man!

Although I thought the episode started slow, before I knew it we had zipped through 5 major storylines in no time! Here are the storylines ranked in importance from greatest to least (in my opinion)

1. Shelby/Puck/Quinn
2. Santana
3. Student Election
4. Coach Beiste Love Triangle
5. Real-life Election

That being said, I will give 1-2 sentences on items 3-5.

Student Election. Brittany Sucks, Kurt Rules- RACHEL IS AN IDIOT for not counting the number of seniors at McKinley. If you're going to rig an election- do your research! Now I have to watch a sectionals performance without your brilliance??? Next time, think of how your actions might affect others, RB.

Coach Beiste Love Triangle. Cooter the Recruiter has weird taste in women. Jolene JOOOOLLLLEEEEENNNE. (CLAASSSIC parton)

Real-Life Election. HOORAY Baboon Heart. That's all I got.

Onto more important issues facing this episode:

With things taking an even more scandalous turn, I wish that the focal point of the episode would have been the Shelby/Puck/Quinn storyline. As someone who has been on the Puck/Quinn relationship train since Season 1, I was super hype when Puck delivered this zinger to Quinny Poo:  

"Look, I was into you a couple years ago because you were hot like a pixie and I thought you were pretty much cooler than every other girl in the school, but it turns out you're kind of nuts. You're higher maintenance than Berry and pretty much the most selfish person I ever met in my life. So, thanks for the offer but I'd rather raw-dog a beehive."

I think he expressed what we were all feeling, that Quinn used to be the shit and now has disgusted even her biggest fans (me.) What a dumb whore trying to have unprotected sex in order to get pregnant again! Cuz that worked out so well for you the first time, idiot. Little did Quinn know, Puck's rejection had less to do with her being a psycho and more with him trying to hump Shelby. WHICH HE DID. Holy smokes. 

And here is where I get confused. So Shelby calls Puck to the hospital, he saves the day, and they bang. Ok, fine. Then she kicks him out right after. From the looks of it, they had sex during the day, which means she wasn't drunk AND the lights were on. And then she regrets it right after? Doesn't work that way. It's like kissing someone sober- that shit's REAL! So Puck stood up for himself like I wish half of the girls at McKinley would do (come on Rachel, Coach Beiste you can't just come running back!) and left Ms. Corcoran's bed to have angry sex with Quinn. 

Then comes what I think is a very important conversation between Quinn and Puck, when he acknowledges that he took part in screwing her up, and that she has issues and needs help. (Nice job calling out the Glee Club who seem to have forgotten about her Skank days) And I think that she acknowledges it too, which I HOPE is a turning point for Quinn. But of course Puck has to make the biggest mistake of the episode (yes, bigger than Rachel miscalculating her ballot stuffing) and told Quinn about banging Shelby. OH MY LORD. I can only imagine what she will do with this (and judging by her evil glare- she might actually murder Shelby). One last observation, does Shelby's performance in the last song mean that she loves Puck? WHAT IS GOING ON.

My take on the Santana portion of tonight's episode:

I'm never a fan of episodes where most of the performances are done as "choir-room performances" and I thought the idea of making her come out to the New Directions through Lady to Lady song tributes was weird. (Finn grasping for straws to remain the leader, but at least he is taking a stand against suicide?) I'm also confused; are Santana and Brittany actually dating, or better question, does Brittany know that they are dating? I'm glad Santana and Finn are friends now, but I did feel kind of uncomfortable with all of his proclamations of love and his acknowledgment of her taking his V card. Rachel- you gonna check him?  His "Girls Just wanna have fun" was great. I cried, of course. Also her scene with her Abuela was unintentionally funny with all of the spanish 1 phrases. Escuchame. Por Favor. Rice and Beans on her plate. Overall, it was done well and I guess she is embracing the Lebanese within? Go girl.

Since I loved all of the performances tonight- Instead of picking a favorite and least-favorite I will rank them! heck ya

#6 Jolene performed by Coach Beiste. I love this song and although Beiste didn't sing it particularly well, I thought it was super great!
  #5 Girls just want to have fun performed by Finn- took me a minute to realize what the song was. It was kind of creepy the way Finn sat in the chair backwards, all up in Satana's face. But once the boys chimed in with background vocals I was crying. Go Finn.
#4 Perfect performed by Blurt. So adorable. Blaine is perfect. I think I've said that 4 weeks in a row. 
#3 I kissed a girl- Perfection. Rachel and Satan on lead. They should duet more often! Much better than the original and it seemed like they were all friends again. Aw. 
#2 I'm the only one performed by Puck- PUCKERMANNNNN. singing an already fantastic song, looking like a lunatic singing to Shelby who can't decide what kind of facial expression to wear, while Quinn and Rachel looks confused as all hell.
#1 Constant Craving- Santana + Shelby. And then a little bit of Kurt. No words. I cried.

Favorite moment of the episode: (Since I already mentioned Puck pwning Quinn) When Beiste ordered all of that chicken at Breadsticks.

Least favorite moment of the episode:  Brittany becoming President and announcing that Kurt was still a unicorn! What does that even mean???? Stop.

Other random thoughts:
Loved Kurt and Blaine's support of each other
Sugar Motta is becoming a hilarious backgrounder
Mr. Shue is still oblivious to everything going on around him
Quinn looked mad tall this episode. Has she grown or is she wearing heels?
How will these clubs be able to compete at Sectionals? Don't you have to have 12 members?
Coach Beiste eating chicken stuffed in turkey stuffed in ham. Gotta keep your energy up to count ballots.

Puck's Mohawk needs a tune up

Next Week:
RETURN OF TROUTY MOUTH And he is a stripper. ANNNND SECTIONALS. So excited!

Thank Glee Later: Turkey in the Straw and I don't curr

Wait, I’m confused..why is Rachel blogging about Glee even though there was no new episode this week?

In the spirit of Thanksgiving I am giving back to all of my many fans and readers by supplying you with some freestyle blogging. Am I being too thirsty? Think I'm weird? My response to your judgment:  anyone who reads this blog knows that I’m extremely weyud and you still are reading this now so everyone can suck it! Legggo

Before we move on to next week’s episode, let’s reflect on the main characters’ transformations from season 1 thus far and where I hope they go this season:

Rachel Berry

Everyone still hates her, she has bangs now and is even skinnier. Still ambitious but doesn’t get as many solos in Glee Club which is a crime against humanity. Finally got her man (Finn) and is smitten. Season 3 hopes: She gets into NYADA with Kurt and must leave Finn behind because she is going to marry Ryan Gosling later. Song suggestions: “Speechless” (Gaga) “Glitter in the Air” (Pink), "I WAS HERE" (Beyonce) SHOUT OUT TO KATE SOUTHALL. tm

Finn

Finn is STILL deciding whether to be a “born-leader” or insecure frankenteen. LovingRachel337 and trying to figure out his future. Has something against Blaine and keeps getting pwned by Santana. Season 3 hopes: I weirdly want him to get back with Quinn even though I hate them together. I must be tired. Song suggestions: "My Girl" "Hey There Delilah" "I only wanna be with you" (Hootie)

Kurt

Figured out he was gay, and is now super confident and dating the most perfect human in existence. BFF’s with Rache again and doesn’t seem like he even speaks to Mercedes. Trying to get into NYADA. Season 3 Hopes: Become President, gets into NYADA and has a flawless relationship with Blaine. Song suggestions: Superbass. hahahaha
Happy Birthday Tony!

Blaine

Transferred to McKinley. About to be the star of New Directions. Season 3 hopes: Becomes the star of New Directions. Song suggestions: “Moves Like Jagger” with Santana, “I want it that way” or “It’s Gonna be Me” or any Nsync, BSB, 98 Degrees song. LFO, too.

Santana

Getting much more screen time than Season 1, now has fully committed to being Lebanese and her love for best friend Brittany, and is head cheerleader with Becky now that Quinny has gone rogue. Quit New Directions and joined the Troubletones. Has become more hateful somehow. Season 3 hopes: She gets over Brittany and likes some better (nevermind I’ll find someone like you) and becomes BFF’s with Quinn. Song Suggestions: “Since You’ve Been Gone”,  “You Oughta Know” “Almost Lover”

Quinn

The biggest turnaround from Season 1, has lost her damn mind, cut her hair and gone evil. Trying to get baby Beth back and pretending to be nice. Or is she? Season 3 hopes: Puck or Santana or Sam helps her truly see the errors of her way, she cleans up her act, rejoins the Cheerios, rocks a high pony and dates either Puck or Sam. Song suggestions:  “There are worse things I could do”, “Never Grow Up” (to Beth) “Not like the Movies.” Sade’s “By your side”

Puck

Still loving Moms. Is a good dad and has ditched his bad boy attitude for a happy-go-lucky showtune singing fool swag. Stock is definitely up. Season 3 hopes: He has both Shelbers and Quinn fall in love with him and gets into college. Song Suggestions: “Details in the Fabric” to Quinn, "Let's Get it On"

Sam

About to come back to apparently court Mercedes. Season 3 Hopes: Dates Quinn. Song Suggestions: “Daughters” (About Quinn), "I'm Yours"

Mercedes

STILL has not gotten over her Rachel Berry complex. In the Troubletones and dating Shane who is going to play college football “Cha-Ching!”. Season 3 Hopes: She makes up with Rachel and rejoins New Directions. Song Suggestions: If I ain’t got you/I have Nothing” Mashup “Call Tyrone”

Artie

Gets no love. Still in a wheelchair. Song Suggestions: “Sexy and I know it” and “Use Somebody”. (“I’ve been rolling around…")

Brittany

Mind of a 4year old and body of a pilates instructor. Dumped Artie to kinda date Santana. Season 3 Hopes: She dances a lot. Song Suggestions: Leave the singing to the pros.

Sue, Tina, Mike Chang, Rory, Mr. Shue, Emma, Beiste- keep swaying in the background where we like you!

Top 8- Fave Season 3 Performances so far

8. We got the Beat performed by the New Directions. Return of the New Directions-cafeteria-style. Great features of Rachel and Brittany. Brittana’s cheer uniforms are so great. Mike slapped his own butt. They had so much heart even though everyone looked disgusted with them. I watch this performance often! B  
(Episode 1-The Purple Piano Project)

7.  It’s not unusual performed by Blaine. If Blaine singing Carlton Bank’s anthem wasn’t boss enough, the Cheerio’s came and set it off. Little did we know Santana’s perfect performance in Blaine would lead to her being kicked out of the New Directions for 5 minutes. B+

 (Episode 1-The Purple Piano Project)

6. America performed by Santana, Puck and Tina Cohen Chang the Vampire. Santana is TO DIE FOR. PwwwairtoRrrrico. Better get rid of your ahhxscent. Love group numbers- would have liked to see more Mike Chang dancing. A- 
(Episode 5-The First Time)

5. I’m the Greatest Star performed by Kurt. You climb up on that metal thing and spin those weird claw baton things! Stick around for the jokes. Must I reiterate everything’s coming up Kurt! A-

(Episode 2- I Am Unicorn)

4. Uptown Girl performed by The Warblers. Sebastian. Do I need to go on? A

(Episode 5-The First Time)

3. It’s all over performed by the New Directions feat. Mercedes. Now you watch your mouth, watch your mouth Ms. Effie White. Well they didn’t say that line but anytime you get Mr. Shue, Kurt, Puck, Finn, Chang and Santana yelling at Mercedes via song- ba da ba ba ba I’m loving it. A

(Episode 3- Asian F)

2. Rumour Has It/Someone Like You performed by the Trouble Tones. I realize I put this ahead of the ND Mashup as my favorite performance of the episode last week, but that was because I had watched the Adele mashup like 20 times before the episode aired thus making me feel like I was obsessed with it. Turns out I became obsessed with the number one pick more… A+

 (Episode 6-Mash Off)

1. I Can’t Go For That/You Make my Dreams Come True performed by the New Directions. Didn’t appreciate it’s full excellence until I watched it 40 times. The outfits, the hair and mustaches. Finn dancing like a freak. Quinn solo. Puck's point to Shelby. Shelby and Santana's looks of disgust. Gleeeeeful. A+

(Episode 6 -Mash Off) 

Now that I have spent 2-3 hours writing this blog, I realize that I have become even more of a weirdo than before. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? Happy Thanksgiving Gleeotches.

World War Glee and the Slap Heard 'Round the World

I know my millions of readers have been waiting patiently for my in-depth analysis of last night's Mash-Off episode, so wait no longer! Here tis!

First issue we will tackle is the "Hot For Teacher" plot featuring Noah Puckerman and "Ms. C". First I would like to address that Blaine and Mike Chang sword fought with mic stands and then did a toe -touch. Now I would like to give you 10 reasons why I think Puck and Shelby or "Porkoran" should be together.

1. Shelby is looking extra bangin and worthy of the sex shark that is Puck.

2. Quinn can suck it.

3. This is scandalous and I LOVE IT!

4. I hate baby talk more than anything, and Puck's baby talk wasn't even annoying!

5. Puck's race through the hallways to be at two different lockers was adorable.

6. I'd like a Porkoran duet.

7. Is Shelby Jewish? Cuz if so- then there's that.

8. I'm hot.

9. You're hot.

10. Beth needs a dad.

Also in response to a text I received from Allison Perri Newman saying "I'm just nowhere near attracted to [Puck] anymore," I would say I agree- I'm more of a Finn/Sebastian luster now BUT Puck is becoming one of my favorite characters each week. Just over the moon with this situation. And again, Quinn can suck it. The only good thing she has done this whole season was being ridiculously cute during tonight's mash-up. More on that later.

We have now arrived to the political portion of our program! Brit, Kurt, Rachel and Rick the Dick gave their speeches in the McKinley High Presidential Race. Brit promised to eliminate three things: tornadoes, shirts on tuesdays, and uhhhhh what's the third thing? I can't... Oops. Rachel decided to drop out of the race. Good for her? Whatever, Kurt got to be Prom Queen- that's a resume booster right? But I'm glad they are friends again. Clearly, Kurt is the best candidate (not much competition) however he maybe should have focused on the anti-bullying crusade instead of outlawing the greatest game that a Ben Stiller movie was based on! Is Dodgeball really that prolific at Mckinley that he can base his whole campaign on it?

Speaking of Dodgeball, what a great way to solve your differences. (Kinda being sarcastic- kinda not). In real life- New Directions would have crushed the Trouble Tones, but for fictional purposes I will go along with the outcome and blame it on Artie wheeling around in everyone's way. Also would just like to point out that I saw a lot of people getting hit but no one standing out on the sidelines. Play by the rules much? And poor Rory! Santana is the worst this episode.

Which brings us to the clash of titans: Satan and Finn and the "Mash offs" between the two groups. Santana, who is clearly taking out her bottled up feelings out on Finn, was out of control tonight. Also, Finn's insult about her being JLo with a flat ass or whatever was great- if I ever received that "insult" I would be the happiest girl in America! After Santana was straight up evil to Finn, I didn't blame him for hitting her where it hurt (basically outing her to the school) but that was a low blow. Even Kurt didn't out Karofsky after he threatened to kill him. But it is what it is and it all came to a head during the competition...

I would like to say that I absolutely lovvvvved the New Directions Hall and Oates mash up. It was cute, hilarious, sounded great, featured Finn, Quinn, Tina and Rory, had the greatest hair I've ever seen and was so fun. But clearly the Adele mashup was one of the best songs Glee has ever done. Need I say more? Holy crap. Oh and then Santana slapped Finn. I was like whoa. I feel bad for her but damn bitch! I hope she gets at least some ISS for that.

Again, don't care about Sue and Burt.

Favorite Performance of the Week:

Rumour Has it/Someone Like You- it was so much better than I expected- Santana just sounds so damn good, and the mashup was perfect.

Least Favorite Performance:

One Way or Another/Hit me with your best shot- I didn't hate it but I didn't love it.  I did love the no-hands cartwheels though.

Favorite Moment of the Week:

Ms. Corcoran finding out the truth about Quinny and telling her where to shove it.

Least Favorite Moment of the Week:

Mr. Shue and Emma in bed while she was wearing that ridiculous yellow robe and trying to have a teaching moment.

Other Random Thoughts:

I really liked the "You and I" mash-up. Shelby is the bomb.

They are really trying to make the Rory thing work. Wamp.

What are the chances that NYATA will take two kids from the same school?

Sugar Motta's line:" I sound just like her" (Adele). Me too, girl.

New Directions needs to recruit some girls before sectionals. Zizes anyone?

Finn and Blaine have some awk tension. Blaine is about to get a solo soon I can feel it!

Mr. Shue is one of the most dramatic and animated grown men I've ever seen.

Next episode:

There's no Glee next week, but the next episode looks insane!!! Why are Puck and Quinn laying in bed together?????? Ahhhh! Can't Wait

If You Seek Artie

This week's Glee episode "The First Time" got all DEGRASSI on us, and I loved it! Let's get it on, shall we?

So even though this week's episode was not about Artie at all, there was a lot of dialogue about  him growing up and bossing people around. Is it too much to ask for an Artie performance?!?!? You couldn't find a song that related to being a director? I Just Can't Wait to Be King? Apparently he is McKinley High's Dr. Ruth (I wonder how many times he and Brit Brit did the nasty) and he urged/pressured Rachel, Blaine and Coach Beiste to do the wild thing. I thought the whole premise of having sex to understand Maria and Tony's passion was dumb, but luckily the actual having of the sexual relations didn't really have anything to do with Artie's suggestions. Moving on to the cutest couple of the year...

Blaine and Kurt! Some thoughts: I am obsessed with Blaine. He is perfect in every way- (sex on a stick and sings like a dream) and he is such a great boyfriend to not jump ALL OVER new Warbler, Sebastian. (Sebastian is the best thing I have ever seen and he has LACROSSE SWAG. Maaaavelous.) Although Karofsky being in the gay bar was random, I'm glad to know he switched school and Kurt helped him be happier. (Btw, loved the fake ids that looked nothing like them. Jessica Marie Todd anyone?) And Kurt's shimmying on the dance floor and Blaine not being embarrased showing that these two are made for each other. Their scene on the stage had me in tears. Oh yeah and they got it on! But I don't know how long either one of them can resist Sebastian... I mean come on. He is straight fire.

And onto my favorite Glee couple ever, (besides Puck and Quinn) Finchel. Okay, first want to say, that Finn is a straight up IDIOT to think that he would get RECRUITED as QUARTERBACK of OHIO STATE. Not even gonna try to play for a D1 school that isn't ranked in the top 25 all the time? Maybe even a D2 or D3 school? Idiot. But Rachel and Finn have overcome all obstacles and even though Finn forgot she was a vegan, they love each other and sweetly made love (I'm assuming). I really enjoy any scenes with them, and I cried during that last performance with the cuts to Rachel and Finn in bed, okay??

Mike Chang is sad about his Dad. But apparently he banged Tina last summer so he can't be that sad.

Favorite Performance of the Week:

"America". Santana and Puck singing lead, dancing, great dresses- they killed it. I love this performance so much! 

A close second:

"Uptown Girl" by the Warblers. Still killing it without Blaine.

Favorite Moment of the week: (Tie)

1. Rory's effed up hispanic accent.

2. Puck: "I thought they were my sneakers. What?"

Least Favorite Moment of the Week:

Mike Chang's Dad always showing up during school hours. Really friend? Go back to work and let your son learn.

Other Random Thoughts:

Love a good Reba McIntire reference. (I'mmmmm REBA!)

Kurt's Taylor Lautner fantasy told me that Glee's writers, like myself, believe Taylor Lautner may be coming out of the closet in the future. I go Back to December all the time.

Where was one Sue Sylvester?  Wasn't she crusading against West Side Story?

Seeing Blaine walk through Dalton was a dream.

Loved the all-girls meeting. Not sure why Santana and Brittany were invited and not Mercedes, but I'm not complaining! I wonder if Mercedes and Shane are getting it on, too?

Next week's episode:

Looks like a dodgeball fight between the two clubs and maybe Sectionals???!!! I'm so excited- I hope I don't read all the spoilers and ruin everything like I did this week.

It Ain't Easy Being King of the Leprechauns (Hallelujah, Holla Back)

Top of the morning ta ya!

Glee got a new character! Yay? I didn't watch the Glee Project (except for the last 5 minutes where they announced the winners) so I wasn't in much anticipation for the Irish dude. (Side note: I think it's unwise to let one cast members sing more than one solo per episode... it's boring) That being said, Lucky Charms is a really great singer, and I liked both of his songs- I thought he had a voice similar to Artie's. Man, I bet Artie is pissed that he will never get another solo again. As for Irishy McIrishman's storyline... come on man. So over the "omg Britney is so immature and dumb, let's make up 1 liners about her fat cat and magic unicorns." And if I never have to see that fat cat again I will die a happy gleek! We will see how the Leprechaun fits in the rest of the season. I can see him killing a Christmas song. On to the next one.

Let's talk about Santana, baby. Brit Brit and the artist lovingly referred to as Satan's love affair still hasn't sold me. On the one hand, I believe and understand that Satan loves Brit, and I love Satan Lopez so you go girl, but Brittany is so dumb, their dating relationship is just happening because Brit is single?  I feel sorry for Santana because she is in love with an idiot (Finn hit the nail on the idiot head, although he prob shouldn't have said that to her face) who will date anyone. I'm also sad that Santana left New Directions- it just ain't right. People need to stop bitching about getting solos and be a team player! Sometimes standing in the back of the formation is fun! (Anyone VDT Member who ever stood in the back for the camp dance can attest to this). And Candyman was just ite for me. With all of the songs in the world, and all the Xtina songs for that matter, the choice to use this song as the TroubleTones first number was like whaaa?

Moving on to by used-to-be favorite character, Quinny. Even though as a Quinn fan I am extremely annoyed (I miss her days of rockin her Cheerios uni and high pony) I do understand her motives more. As she explained to Puck, Beth is her chance to not mess up something perfect. (Referring to how she messed up her Cheerios captaincy, her perfect relationships with Sam and Finn, and her prom queen ambitions). Glad that Puck undid her Shelby-sabotage, though. Speaking of Shelbs and Noah...

I'm not as grossed out at this as I thought I would be. I'm truly shocked at myself. Puck is the cutest, and I actually like Shelby. This could be an interesting storyline, if Puck is 18 and they fall in love or something. He could be Rachel's step dad!!! Gwoss.

As far Sue and Burt's campaigns- could not care less. However my favorite line from the episode came from an exchange between the two when Sue says: "It might be a better use of school funds than flying the glee club to New York without a set list only to lose with a song they made up the night before." Finally someone acknowledges how poorly planned the Nationals trip was!

Favorite Performance of the Episode: 

Puck's "Waiting for a Girl Like You". I love Puck, I can't help it. (I also loved Last Friday Night, but it had nothing to do with episode.)

Least Favorite Performance of the Episode:

The Trouble Tones' "Candyman". I'm such a hater! It just made me think of missed opportunities and better songs that could have been sung by Mercedes and Santana. (Brittany did have a great performance though, of course)

Favorite Moment of the Week:

The original glee clubbers (minus Rachel) waving to Mercedes while she practiced with the trouble tones. Took me back to a simpler time. Sigh. 

Least Favorite Moment of the Week: 

Brittany carrying that fat cat in the room, and proceeding to eat its chocolate poop. Just no! 

Laugh out Loud Moment: When Santana made fun of Tina for crying about everything.

Other random thoughts:

I love Principal Figgins, I also loved Epiphany from General Hospital outside his office with a sign that said "ANGRY"

Rachel/Finn dancing during "Last Friday Night" was a highlight for me.

So excited that Sam is coming back! Now where is Zizes?

Loved when Rory hit the falsetto and Kurt was like bitch what?

Overall grade for this week: B

Next Week's Episode: Kurt/Blaine and Finchel getting it on! I can only imagine the songs they might sing. I am beyond excited! 

Asian F: What about that Chang Chang Chang

As hyped up as this episode was (and as many spoilers as I had watched beforehand) I was still overall extremely pleased with "Asian F." Shall we begin the psycho over-analysis now?

Let's talk about the Asian elephant in the room first: MIKE CHANG! (whoop whoop whoop) I'm not obsessed with him, (he does the same spinning on the floor move over and over...i'm a hater) but I like him and thought his story worked well with this episode. We got to see a different side of him which is nice, and I LOVED his solo/liked his voice. It reminded me of Brittany's voice, not bad, not good (more on her later). I also love Puck's smiling face in that audition performance. (Side Note: I also still like Artie and Tina. Poor Artie. Can we get more Artie singing?) But that's about all I have to say about Mike Chang. Girl bye.

Onto the next order of business: One Jennifer Hudson, I mean Mercedes Jones. 
Ok, Mercedes annoyed the SHIT out of me in this episode. Just some general thoughts, even if she can sing as well as Jennifer Hudson (which they nodded to many times tonight.. hello Spotlight? Effie? I want J Hud to come to Mercedes in a dream or something later in the season) she is NO Beyonce. Jennifer Hudson, as great as she is, didn't win American Idol (which led to her sympathy Oscar. Don't get me started) because she is a star, but not THE star. Rachel Berry is the Beyonce of the New Directions (yeah, I said it).  She has the voice, performance quality, AND work ethic. Mercedes is GREAT but lacks the latter two. Anywho, she was a little brat the whole episode because her boyfriend encouraged her to be a star and outshine Rachel blah blah blah. Again, didn't we already resolve this in the Season 2 "Night of Neglect" episode when Mercedes felt overshadowed by Rachel? But then they made up? I'm over it, and their duet was good but not as good as Season 2's "Take Me or Leave Me." But I guess Glee needed a reason for Mercedes to join Ms. Corkery's glee club, which I think will provide for some fabulous drama throughout the coming weeks. So I'm cool with it.

On a related note, I love Rachel Berry and I think she can do no wrong. SHE IS PERFECT TO PLAY MARIA and should have gotten the part hands down. Might I remind you that West Side Story requires singing AND acting?  She also has wanted to play Maria forever, so wtf is wrong with her fighting for the role? And pump the brakes on the statement that Mr. Shue favors Rachel! Although he has given her more solos in the past, it is because as Kurt stated in season 1 "damn her talent" and "Rachel's our star".  Shue actually has "shat" on Rachel many times over the course of the show, (remember when he gave Tina the West Side Story song?) so again Mercedes, shut up! As far as Rachel running for President, I do think that's a little messed up to step on her BFF's toes like that, but it's in her personality,  so whatever. But isn't she like the most hated person in school? So I doubt she will win. (And Finn best vote for her!)

Speaking of presidential campaigns, Brittany S. Pierce should NEVER IN HER LIFE try to cover a Beyonce song again. Santana should have just stolen the mic from her because Ms. Lopez sounded all kinds of great. The dancing was awesome (she stole my choreo for our American Madness routine but it's all good) and Sue dancing the stands was splendid.


Favorite performance of the episode:
It's All Over (Dreamgirls)- everyone got to sing, Santana killed it, Puck and Finn looked so cute, and it spoke to the fact that Mercedes was annoying everyone. Kurt bring it down an octave.

Least favorite performance of the episode:
Spotlight- (gosh I am hating hard on Mercedes) she did a good job singing it, but the song wasn't even a hit for J Hud. And the song is about a smothering boyfriend. Had she directed it at Shane it would have made more sense maybe? Wack attack and boring.

Favorite Moment of the episode:
Finn celebrating loudly after Rachel won the coin toss. Hahaha.

Least favorite moment:
In Booty Camp trying to master "the most difficult step in show choir history". I didn't get that.

Other random thoughts:
-I want some Quinn/Puck interaction and I want it now!
-SO GLAD that Santana is back and that she has a lead role in WSS. (Although her return kind of left me like wait what?) But I'm happy.
-Blaine and Kurt are da bomb.com together and I hope Kurt wins.
-Will and Emma are talking marriage??? Wawawewa
-Missing my Lauren Zizes wisecracks, and Sue's

Overall Episode Grade: A- (oh snap did I just give this episode an Asian F?)


Next Episode: There is a break until November 1 (I'm gonna die!) but all I remember seeing is Puck and Shelby looking flirtatious. Just kill me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqmZUk81Ndw 

Go Glee!